Ive had a crush on you for a while
Good start
Are you down ...
hmm
to get barebacked
aaaand derailed
this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2024
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Hell, even "are you down..." isn't bad. Suggested finishers:
- ...to get coffee?
- ...for a movie night?
- ...for lunch/dinner?
- ...to hang out and chat at the park?
- ...to meet at the library for a quick game of Cones of Dunshire?
Basically anything but that.
- ... with the sickness? Ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Damnit now I wanna smash
Sad ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah
you don't even get to finish the last ah before she weds you
What about
- ...to build my Rivendell Lego set?
- ...to play some Goldeneye?
- ...to paint my Skaven army?
Who knows? Maybe she's down...
- ...to lay waste to the city of Carthage for the glory of the Empire.
- ...to slay King Harold, forever changing the English language.
- ...for a brisk walk with the boys to the Atlantic Ocean...but first, a pit stop in Atlanta.
- ...to commit war crimes in Bosnia.
.... to remove kebab
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Save some women for the rest of us, sheesh
If she says yes to the Skaven it's your duty as a proud Dawi to crush her skull lest she infiltrates the clan.
Dude, if she says yes to building a skaven army, you wife her immediately.
Trust me, I did.
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Then we're back to "Wanna smash?"
"Are you down...:
- ... To get barebacked? Haha jk... Unless? Haha sorry my cat typed that...
You need to sweeten the pot with calzones if you expect anyone to play cones of dunshire as a first date.
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I think the best part is that he asked almost like he was making a doctor's appointment lol "are you available at 3pm on Thursday for some dehumanizing unprotected sex with a smelly neckbeard? No? Would Friday work better?"
Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take...
You miss 100% of the shots you DO take if your shots are all thrown as hard as possible in the opposite direction of the basket...
Nah, it might bounce off something and back into the basket. :) Extremely unlikely, but there's a chance!
...unless?
Although it was in person instead of text, I did hook up with someone I knew from highschool with basically the same direct approach. It helped that I knew she would find it funny.
There were so many plot twists to this one, lol.
Plot twist: she has difficulty with reading comprehension and understanding modern slang. She actually would have been interested in casual unprotected sex with him. But anon stopped reading and didn't clarify himself.
Alternate plot twist: she really loves horseback riding and always wanted to try riding a horse without a saddle (i.e. "bare back") but was a little nervous and wanted someone to help her with it. One day, she told herself, she would find the right person to "bareback" with.
Then anon DMs her. "Yes," she says, "I will bareback with you! meet me at the horse ranch."
Anon's like "horse ranch? wtf" but goes for it. The fated hour arrives and anon rolls with it. they all live happily ever after.
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>Wanna Get barebacked?
"Fuggin typical femenoids complaining "
MFW
@_@
And a supposed adult at 21...
What went wrong is anon never grew up - he's still 13
being an incel will do that
Being a woman hating imbicile will do that.
Incel pretty much already means that.
Cringe moment is that when I was like 16 or 17, I too, identified with being an incel - I mean, I WAS INvoluntarily CELibate. So I browsed their subreddit for a while.
I quickly realized that those were guys who were not just involuntarily celibate. They all hated women.
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Anon got a reply, thats would have been a good start, but no... He had to be horny brained.
Stewing your mind in the excrement of downbad incells and neets will do that.
Could in theory be saved later by "Sorry, this message was inappropriate, if it's any excuse I was drunk when I sent it." If feeling confident, could be followed by "The part about having a crush on you was true tho.".
Could be saved by "Yeah, my dog chewed on my phone. He was the one who wrote the text message..."
"The keys are right next to each other"
"I was drunk with some friends and one of them sent that message from my phone, sorry!"
Probably real and heterosexual
Pray for my people, we have lost our way
He had a chance until the 4channer in him took over in the middle.
I don’t understand why a nice young man who uses “femoid” as a word can’t get a girlfriend. One of life’s little mysteries!
Makes you wonder what the original plan was.
Fake. How did he get her number in the first place?
The class clown kid from my high school (looked like a clown too) ended up with a smoking hot wife, seemingly way out of his league.
Around high school I can remember him asking and being rejected by just about every girl.
Only reason I can think of is he got so used to rejection that he was completely unphased to keep going and the numbers game eventually worked out for him.
Good on him and a lesson for the rest of us, lol.
This is why honesty is important.
Had anon faked his way through things and lied about his intentions, it would have been worse for both of them.
Yah, I know, it's fake, but there's an underlying truth that honesty is better for this kind of thing.
Yes, you will absolutely get shot down 99% of the time (and add .9 to that a lot to get closer to reality), but that's the entire point. You tell someone you want to fuck them, and they can choose based on their own needs and wants. When those align, awesome! Woot for fucking!
Now, should you be an absolute cretin about it? No. There's a difference between being honest and ignoring established social norms regarding language. Currently, asking if someone wants to get barebacked is considered rude, even if they're DTF. You ask with respect and manners. "Hi, random acquaintance, this is anon, I think you're attractive, and have for a long time. I would very much like to get together for sex, is that something you might be interested in too?"
Now, again, most of the time you'll be lucky to not get told to fuck yourself. But that's still better than faking other forms of interest to try and get sex.
And yes, I have actually asked someone that I already knew if they would be interested in at least a one time sexual encounter. And it worked one time. I've asked other people and it didn't work. Since I'm a fucking balding sasquatch in looks, and I was poor as fuck at the time, it wasn't some kind of artificial thing that incels like to blame for their failures.
Be real. Be up front. Be polite. But also be willing to accept the large amount of noes you'll get with aplomb.
"I want to bareback you so bad..."
"What do you mean anon?"
"I mean I wanna ride you around the Grand Canyon without a saddle."
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