this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 273 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Step 1: offer sanctuary

Step 2: offer citizenship

Step 3: conscript

[–] Railing5132@lemmy.world 110 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Step 4: get blown ta fuck by a fpv drone

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 54 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Step 4 a Ukranian solider will post that shit on the internet

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

step 6, sprinkle some sunflower seeds

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[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 223 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Hey, if you and your buddies wanna go, Alex, knock yourselves out. Seriously: get the fuck out of here, because the vast majority of us hate you for being one of the worst calibers of human.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 115 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

i heard refusing Putin offers is woke

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 64 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 34 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Just a moment now - before he's allowed to go let's make sure we get all his money into the hands of gun violence survivors.

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[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 129 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

”[Putin’s] new decree blows the lid off the establishment's agenda, letting freedom-loving folks bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense like language tests or history exams," Jones posted on X. "If you're ready to reject the insane policies of your home countries that push these destructive, anti-human, neoliberal agendas, Russia is rolling out the red carpet!”

Based and fuck off to Russia pilled

[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 121 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

”... bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense"

Immigration laws? Quotas? Checking that they're not importing the "criminals, drug traffickers, human traffickers and people from insane asylum from those shithole countries"?

"like language tests"

"Speak 'Merican!" "Why should I press 1 for English!?"

"or history exams,"

"They come over here and don't even integrate to our culture, our laws and our history. They want to bring their own culture here and replace us"

I know it never stops, but even still this level of hypocritical entitlement still amazes me. Either way, can't wait for these Leopard Ate My Face posts.

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 54 points 3 weeks ago

Russia needs meat for the meat grinder. Putin is delaying sourcing his meat from St. Petersburg or Moscow for as long as possible.

[–] jonne@infosec.pub 36 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I love how the same people that call for tougher immigration laws are clamoring for looser laws in other countries.

You just want to go to Russia and live there without ever bothering to learn Russian? And you're not expecting any resentment to grow against those immigrants that just come and don't adjust?

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[–] zv0n@lemmy.ml 127 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"This new decree blows the lid off the establishment's agenda, letting freedom-loving folks bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense like language tests or history exams"

This coming from the "LEARN ENGLISH, YOU'RE IN AMERICA!" crowd

[–] EdanGrey@sh.itjust.works 31 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"freedom loving", yes Russia sounds like the best place to go .....

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[–] Red_October@lemmy.world 124 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

I hope they all agree and go in one big wave, because otherwise stories of the early adopters being conscripted to die in Ukraine might dissuade the rest of them.

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[–] NutWrench@lemmy.world 124 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

1980's conservatives: "Why don't you move to Russia if you don't like it here?"

2020's conservatives: "Why don't we move to Russia if we don't like it here?"

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 31 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

In the 1920s, a brash group of young and ideologically committed Americans saw the Bolshevik Revolution taking place in Russia and decided to travel halfway around the world in order to join it.

In the 2020s, a boorish group of over-the-hill talk radio hosts and their most die-hard hangers on are witnessing the last dregs of humanity squeezed out of the failed revolutionary experiment and have decided "Damn, now is definitely the time to pop over and go golfing."

I wonder what the Russian police will say the first time they see Alex Jones light up a fat blunt?

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[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 94 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Please, take him up on that offer. please!

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[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 94 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

... Wasn't there a story a few months ago about a family that had done exactly that and turns out living in Russia kinda sucks?

[–] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 145 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

Haha, yes. They were home schooling, antivaxxers who sold a fully owned farm in Canada because of "the gays," then hoped a plan to russia with their 8 kids.

Of course, Russia froze all their funds, forced them all to get vaccinated, then refused go process their visas for months, while they had to live in a one bedroom with a broken sink. The husband posted a video talking about how they missed their washing machine.

The wife then posted a video about how she hated Russian bureaucracy, which they pulled down quickly. Suddenly, they are talking about howm much they love Russia, how its great that they can't access their money.

Now, months later they find out that they need to speak fluent Russian to become citizens, and that it can take years after that. They also can't own more than 49% of a farm without being citizens, so they found a russian to own the 51%.

So after all this, they are going to build a house and a barn and raise farm animals, all for some guy they met to actually own, all while not speaking the language and being utterly dependent on strangers.

Man, that fully owned farmed farm in canada where they were utterly independent and had free healthcare sure sounds like shit in comparison.

[–] catloaf@lemm.ee 69 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
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[–] zcd@lemmy.ca 53 points 3 weeks ago
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[–] ours@lemmy.world 83 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

They can all go and make their own new Russian town. They could call it Jonesgrad or perhaps Jonestown to keep it closer to their American roots.

Don't forget to pack up some FlavorAid for those scorching Russian summers.

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[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 77 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

Bruh. They get drafted straight into the meatgrinder.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 75 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

And nothing of value was lost.

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[–] renrenPDX@lemmy.world 75 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Didn’t a conservative family already try living in Russia recently and found out it wasn’t all like a better version of America?

[–] Sway_Chameleon@lemmy.world 56 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

There was a homophobic family from here in Sasktachewan (the Feenstra's), who sold their family farm and dragged their 8 kids to Russia to escape the "far leftist" and "lgbtq ideology" here in Canada. Guess it didn't work out too well for them since they had their bank accounts frozen (possibly assets seized) and then proceeded to speak ill of Russia (including they don't speak English there) only to have to publicly apologize and eat their words.

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[–] meco03211@lemmy.world 74 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

I hear Kursk is lovely this time of year for Russians.

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[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 73 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Please idiots, flee to that hellscape. There you might realize how full of shit you all are.

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[–] zenitsu@sh.itjust.works 67 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Please do take all the conservative brainlets and build a Gilead so we can all watch it crash and burn while you cope about foreign interference.

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[–] Underwaterbob@lemm.ee 59 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

What's the opposite of brain drain?

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 55 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I’d be soooooo triggered if they accepted. And remember, the US is the only country that taxes citizens on foreign earnings. So you’ll have to renounce your citizenship

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[–] haunte@leminal.space 51 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

On the one hand you'll have no freedom of speech, no right to bear arms, only a limited supply of hamberders. But on the other hand LGBTQ+ hate is state sponsored and there's a strong man dictator whose boots are always available to be licked clean. But if you piss him off you'll be thrown out of a window or poisoned. Decisions, decisions.

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[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 51 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Don’t forget to renounce your citizenship so you ~~can’t come back~~ don’t have to pay taxes…

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[–] charonn0@startrek.website 51 points 3 weeks ago
[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 49 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

the Foreign Ministry is gearing up to issue visas to true patriots as soon as September! It's time to stand up for spiritual and moral values!

My God these people are fucking idiots.

True patriots leave their country for Russia, and to flee your country is to "stand up for spiritual and moral values". /s

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[–] AbidanYre@lemmy.world 47 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The traditional value of fertilizing sunflowers in Ukraine?

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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 43 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

But dont they hate immigrants?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 45 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You silly, "immigrant" is an euphemism for POC and non-christians.

[–] Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 31 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah, everyone knows that when white people do it they're "expats"!

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[–] Ep1cFac3pa1m@lemmy.world 40 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Is there a GoFundMe to which I can donate to help with relocation costs?

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[–] Silentiea@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 3 weeks ago

Putin puts out call for Americans to conscript and fight in Ukraine?

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 39 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And then they went to Russia, where they were send to Ukraine, where they were turned into fertilizer by the shells their tax dollars got for Ukraine.

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[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 37 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That last comment is really sad, because it sounds like schizophrenia.

"Good, if those still wishing to make satanic hand gestures and hidden eye symbols keep doing it and don’t stop Alex Jones I might just do that," added X user Robin Cope.

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[–] cultsuperstar@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago

I can see it now, they go to Russia and expect all Russians to speak English.

Russia: You're in Russia! Speak Russian! You don't like it, go back to where you came from! Conservatives: How dare you!

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 34 points 3 weeks ago

Oh yes please! Move to Russia. Can easily keep denying climate change and live in the authoritarian system they prefer. Let all these guys move there, they can make up for all the men Putin killed in his stupid war with Ukraine.

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