this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Bobmighty@lemmy.world 6 points 2 hours ago

" Well, I know it isnt all that stuff that clearly needs work"

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago

I’d say something dumb like, “Why would you only have work done on one breast, that’s weird.” Though I guess there’s situations with breast cancer and mastectomies and such, but plastic surgery on boobs would be my immediate first guess, not even considering what else might be done.

[–] No_Money_Just_Change 39 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (2 children)

Do the following:
First, say something along the lines of: "That is very difficult. On the one hand, you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsman. On the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

Then you sneak out of the bathroom window because by the glorious lord Satan himself, you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insists you do something after you refuse

[–] isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 4 hours ago

"that is very difficult, one the one hand you are so astonishingly beautiful that all features of you could be made by a master craftsmanship, on the other hand, as I am a person of faith, you could also be just God's most perfect creation.
Either way, would you excuse me a second while I go to refresh in the bathroom?"

[–] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 7 points 4 hours ago

Better answer: Don't put up with toxic games

[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 2 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

The correct answer is: “I can’t tell, you are naturally beautiful”

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Insist, not to pick something then. You can easily explain that it's a lose-lose: either something is wrong with a natural body part or they didn't do a good job. And both of you feel bad afterwards.

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 21 points 6 hours ago

Sounds like trouble is they ever get into a relationship.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 21 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

she clearly wants you to compliment her natural features, play along citizen.

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago

How would anyone be supposed to know that?

Also isn't asking for compliments generally a bad thing?

[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 112 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

"Your nose is your cutest feature, that's why I chose it" is the correct response

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 80 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

"Not like those ugly-ass ears. They really screwed those up, huh?"

[–] normanwall@lemmy.world 12 points 4 hours ago

Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is really fucked up.

(this one is so stupid and obviously inappropriate that I laugh each time I imagine someone saying it)

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 122 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

My autistic ass would be like "Nope no clue sorry, whatever it was, they a good surgeon 👍"

[–] ahornsirup 31 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Neurotypical here - that's the correct response.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 7 points 3 hours ago

ADHD here, it’s one of two. The other is to guess bottom surgery/sex reassignment to teach her what sort of prizes she can expect from playing stupid games. Yeah you’re burning that bridge, but that’s a bridge worth burning

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 157 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Tell her that her nose looks too perfect, problem solved

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 85 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

Exactly. They fumbled hard. "It has to be your ____, there's no way it turned out that good naturally."

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 53 points 11 hours ago (2 children)
[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 28 points 6 hours ago

"You seemed like a person who would have a wizard's sleeve situation down there."

"Wtf it was my ears"

"So is the situation down there not fixed or what do you mean?"

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 9 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Senseless 7 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] atro_city@fedia.io 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] jia_tan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

So what does the ab goddess has to do with this surgery?

[–] Senseless 6 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Exactly what I meant with my question.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Just a play on words. Labia reduction = lean "beef"

[–] Senseless 2 points 4 hours ago

Huh. Disappointing.