this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
113 points (98.3% liked)

Asklemmy

43936 readers
436 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] GrappleHat@lemmy.ml 69 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Small things. Sounds. The temperature of the air. The fact that my side isn't hurting right now. The kids costumes who were just trick or treating at my house.

[–] Hegar@fedia.io 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I really love seeing a well curated list, and that's a well curated list.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] chaosCruiser@futurology.today 10 points 3 weeks ago

I was just about to write β€œby lowering the bar”, but I like your version more.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BearOfaTime@lemm.ee 41 points 3 weeks ago

Happiness is fleeting, like other emotions, it comes and goes. Focusing on it is like chasing a wave.

Understanding your own values and what you find meaningful is essential for moving through life, because we're not in control. Stuff happens, and we get to deal with it.

[–] xylogx@lemmy.world 27 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I found happiness. I am almost done with it. You want it after me?

[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] MellowSnow@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Because it's my turn next, and they've been hogging it all night!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 23 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

You don’t find happiness. It comes and goes. Imagine being happy all the time; it would just become normal. You need non happy times to appreciate the happy times.

As someone that is either very happy or very sad, I find happiness in my hobbies. I need my mind to be occupied to pass the time, but then there is the thought I’m just waiting to die and passing time.

Hobbies that make me happy are:

  • Indoor bouldering (rock climbing) is the only thing I’ve found that lets me escape the constant train of thought and be in the moment. It’s a nerdy hobby as lots of problem solving mixed with strength training.
  • Running
  • Rubiks cube
  • Lego
  • Cross stitch
  • Paint by numbers
  • 3D printing
  • learning
  • many more but this is getting long.

As someone who is down a lot of the time and has ADHD but stopped the meds as the side affects were worse than living with ADHD; I’ve found that routine is a massive thing required to be content with life. Consistent bed time and wake time. I am not a morning person but after 18 months of waking at 07:30 or 06:00, depending on if I’m taking the train to work, that I now wake up a few minutes before my alarm quite often; I’m still tired and I hate it but it gets easier.

Spending time with other people is key too. I find if I’m down it’s usually cause I’ve been alone a lot (which I love) and that can be bad for me so I’ll go see friends even if I don’t want to just to engage.

Luckily I can spot when I’m spiralling. I have an urge to fire up Minecraft and live vicariously through Steve and shut out the world.

[–] bluetardis@sh.itjust.works 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Gratitude and helping others

[–] bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

No

Anarchy and helping others

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I find happiness getting lost in projects, projects being anything & everything from writing to designing to stuff around the house to whatever. Just something that gets me obsessed for at least a few days or weeks. I can’t predict when it will happen, it just has to be a sufficient problem for me to look at.

I also find happiness with some people, but that sort of happiness is unpredictable as well since people have their own lives going on and feelings can change over time. Getting too close to people though can just as easily make my life feel meaningless and make me depressed when things turn sour. I tend to crave affection and physical touch, so this is a hard one for me to just ignore this.

[–] arrakark@10291998.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago

I find happiness getting lost in projects

I relate to this on a visceral level

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.ml 20 points 2 weeks ago

by not trying to compare themselves to anyone else

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Hobbies, spending time wirh friends and families, eating, murdering vagrants, helping the needy, and some people even enjoy comraderie with people they work with.

It comes down to figuring out what makes you happy and if you have trouble you just need to try new things.

[–] variants@possumpat.io 6 points 3 weeks ago

Would you not put murdering vagrants under hobbies?

[–] Wojwo@lemmy.ml 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

A few years ago, my wife and I left the Mormon church. That helped a lot. Along that line coffee makes me happy.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Game the system by having an unhappy childhood so being an adult is so much better? I enjoy being a grownup so much. What are you unhappy with? Were you happy as a kid and if so, what made you happy? I didn't like school, felt alienated and in general kids have no control over their own lives. So adulthood suits me much better.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Unpigged@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

Happiness is not found. It's not an object, rather a state of perception. The more you'll objectify and discretize happiness, the less likely you're to achieve it.

That being said, usually drugs.

On a serious note, two books helped me to understand this mystery a bit more

  1. Zen Mind, beginner's mind by S. Suzuki
  2. Flow: the psychology of optimal experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Kind of surprised no one has mentioned it... But kids. Kids bring a lot of happiness.

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It depends.

For a lot of adults, I would agree that they are a bright point in their lives. But it isn't universal.

[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago

Yep, just like how every single other answer in this thread isn't universal.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Yep, they're stressful too -- but it's usually the good kind of stress (exhaustion) and not the bad one (uncertainty). Although that pivots once they hit their teens.

Ehh, they have knock-on uncertainties. Especially if you are financially hurting.

[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago

They bring happiness, and a lot of other things too.

[–] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Kids can also completely ruin marriages. I know multiple people who have straight up told me "my marriage used to be great and then having kids ruined it." Of course kids can also bring tons of happiness! But it's not universal.

[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I guess that's one perspective. Another one might be that their marriage wasn't as great as they thought it was in the first place.

Kids are stressful, no argument there. But blaming kids because their marriage buckled under the added stress just feels like an easy excuse. I suspect there were deeper issues that those people weren't particularly interested in exploring.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] scytale@lemm.ee 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

By finding not happiness, but contentment. As you get older, you learn that to be happy, you have to be content.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 13 points 2 weeks ago

That's the neat part,

[–] jerakor@startrek.website 12 points 3 weeks ago

We all have happiness, it's just hard to see it past all the other stuff we got going on in our heads.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

Happiness is fleeting. Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're not. I was told as a young man that what I should seek instead is contentment, because someone content with their place in life will be happier more often. That said, a lot of people find satisfaction and happiness from helping others. Volunteering, and being a part of your community gives someone a sense of belonging, and purpose.

[–] xilliah@beehaw.org 12 points 2 weeks ago

Recognizing how my desires are never truly satisfied, and they cause me suffering. How they constantly shift and always want more. In other words I let go of my judgment and accept what I see. That doesn't mean I don't judge it at all or don't change it. It just means I'm not attached to the desire to change things. It's just a feeling, and I can act on it, but it's a conscious decision rather than a habit.

[–] Dogiedog64@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

I try to embrace my hobbies. Motorcycle rides, baking, trying new beers, gaming with friends, reading, etc. It can be hard finding the time to do it all, but I try my best.

It helps that I've already made peace with the fact I'm never gonna be rich enough to do anything truly incredible, like travel the world for 6 months, or retire :/.

[–] OurToothbrush@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 weeks ago

Contentment is easier to find than happiness

[–] digdilem@lemmy.ml 9 points 3 weeks ago

Find your thing.

For me that's been different things as I've gone through life. Currently in my 50s and enjoying riding a motorbike at weekends. When I'd ridden all the local roads so many times it was starting to get boring, I added another layer and am now riding my bike to every Village in my county. It's going to take a while, but has given another layer of interest and purpose. Many people won't understand why it's interesting to me, and that's fine, they don't have to. Finding what works for you is half the challenge.

BTW, if you've got depression, then finding happiness without resolving that is really, really difficult. Been there and absolutely everything felt bleak and pointless. Fixing that is the first step.

[–] JimmyBigSausage@lemm.ee 9 points 3 weeks ago
[–] adarza@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

i tried checking at walmart, but they haven't carried it since the early 1970s

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] GrymEdm@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago
  • Take time off from social media once in a while, or at least avoid doomscrolling all day. Bad stories generate FAR more engagement than good stories, and every form of media knows this. If 100,000 people in your area have an average-to-good day and 5 people have terrible days, all 5 stories presented to you will detail how things are in your area are terrible.

  • Physical health affects mental health and vice versa. Eat healthy (or healthier). Stay hydrated. Get 7-9 hours of sleep regularly and use sleep hygeine. Get 90+ minutes of exercise (anything that raises your heartrate) a week which is like 15 minutes/day. Don't worry about doing it all immediately - if you try to change everything at once you're more likely to get overwhelmed and burn out. It's way better to make slow, sustainable changes over months than it is to do a difficult crash course for a short time and get fed up with the process.

  • Do thankfulness exercises. When I go to bed at night I think of 3 things I'm thankful for in the day. On average or bad days it may be that I wasn't in constant/chronic pain, that I got to eat and drink, and that I'm in a safe place and a soft bed. Just remembering those basics (that many of us take for granted) helps keep me aware of good things in my life.

  • Find ways to enjoy hobbies that require participation - arts, sports, board/video games, whatever. Just something other than passively taking in TV/online media. This will help you feel engaged and double points if it's something that allows for improvement because you'll feel rewarded as you get better.
[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Iβ€˜m completely switching up my life right now to live to 87 to be able to watch the total eclipse on my birthday

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Realize you aren't going to be happy all the time. We live a life that sometimes sucks. Our grandparents, our parents, our siblings, and our friends die. Choose to remember the happy times you had with them. Go do things you like to do, remember those times when shit is bad and know that you can make more happy memories later too.

Find happiness in love, from people, from pets, maybe even your children if you choose to have some. Make others happy too if you want because happiness is better when shared with others.

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Find an IRL community that means something to you. You have to feel like you belong somewhere, and people need a support group to help when they're down. You can't feel happy if you're lonely.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

If advertising is to be believed, it's by partaking in goods and services.

[–] wuphysics87@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 weeks ago

I don't chase a big paycheck. I live meagerly, and save, but live comfortably. As they say, "love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life."

[–] MrScottyTay@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago

Hobbies, do things you like to do. If you don't have any yet then have some fun figuring out new things to see what clicks for you

[–] 7U5K3N@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 3 weeks ago

I buy my wife matching undies and bras.

It's fun for me, she appreciates the new clothes and I pick out what I want to see her in / out of.

Win win.

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

For me:

  1. Set goals
  2. Accomplish those goals

That’s what gives me the best feedback. The more realistic goals I set and the more often I accomplish them, the better I feel. Bonus points for setting β€œdue dates” for bigger goals and seeing if you can meet your own deadline.

[–] w3dd1e@lemm.ee 6 points 2 weeks ago

For me, it’s my dogs! I love walking and playing with them. I love seeing them happy. They didn’t choose to be my pets, but it really makes me feel good to know they are happy and they love me in their own way.

[–] Atlas_@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

Mostly, they don't

[–] Aatube@kbin.melroy.org 5 points 3 weeks ago

It's simple, really. Just don't search for it. Cherish the little things

[–] Boomkop3@reddthat.com 5 points 3 weeks ago

I enjoy helping people. Making other people's lives better is the goal I set for myself, and I love it. I keep souvenirs as to remember people that I've helped.

I look around my house and just feel this sense of pride and peace knowing other people are happier now than how I found them

[–] datavoid@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's either drugs or not having a shitty childhood, unfortunately I'm the wrong person to ask

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί