this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2024

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806

I hope you don't have any plans this evening. (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 months ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

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[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 95 points 2 months ago (1 children)

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Let's start with a big-ass "H"!

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[–] YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 87 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Amateurs. Never put a date on your rapture predictions. Just say it is happening soon.

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[–] VitaminF 70 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Thank god there is no ninth of hexadecember, so no worries.

[–] BambiDiego@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Maybe this in Julian calendar?!

That means we only have 247 years left!! REPENT!!

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[–] frickineh@lemmy.world 59 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It's almost 9pm where I am and there's no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 26 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Maybe everyone around you is a filthy sinner.

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 27 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Maybe that's been the joke for centuries. The rapture happened but nobody made the cut. Seems consistent with the Bible.

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[–] dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 58 points 2 months ago (4 children)

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

Matthew 24:36.

RTFM, noob.

[–] Rolando@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

"Read The Fisherman Matthew"?

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Read the fucking moom

[–] Matty_r@programming.dev 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Ride turtles for money

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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 43 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Hi guys, its the 19th here in Australia already and I can confirm that I have been Left Behind to suffer heck on earth for being a sinner and Im super over it already.

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 15 points 2 months ago

You sure everybody got raptured and you're not just in Australia?

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 12 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Nah mate, that's just fuckin Thursdy.

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[–] socsa@piefed.social 38 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Jesus better fucking come I've been jerking him off for like 20 minutes

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[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 34 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It's currently September 19th

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[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 33 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I MISSED IT!?

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[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 33 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's true. I'm getting raptured right n

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Well, well, well. Look who became a gentile and got themselves raptured.

[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Okay, you got me, I'm still stuck here with all of you heretics

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[–] MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago (6 children)

~~9-18-24~~ ~~9-19-24~~ ~~9-20-24~~ ~~9-21-24~~ 9-22-24

I mean...if they keep this up they will be right eventually...right?

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[–] negativenull@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

They may have screwed up their ISO date format. They really mean it'll happen on the 9th day of the 18th month of 2024.

It tracks

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[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago

nonsense, there are only 12 months

[–] TriflingToad@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago (1 children)

so nobody can know the date of the rapture, and if someone figures it out god'll change it?

what if I make a website that just says "the rapture will be [current date +1]"

checkmate?

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 13 points 2 months ago

[–] itsgroundhogdayagain@lemmy.ml 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not again

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 35 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Afraid so. Hope you enjoy the great snatch.

[–] TheFool@infosec.pub 36 points 2 months ago (5 children)

sigh - Days without thinking about her: 0

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[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago

From snatch you came, and to snatch you shall return.

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[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 21 points 2 months ago (2 children)

So I was justified when I left those dishes in the sink. Thank goodness. Thank you, Jesus.

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[–] The_Quaz@lemmy.world 19 points 2 months ago

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

What mental gymnastics do you think the sign maker will have to perform, when nothing happens today?

[–] eezeebee@lemmy.ca 19 points 2 months ago

Mysterious Ways ™️

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[–] Railing5132@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Oh, shit! Who will water my plants?!

[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (7 children)

It's your lucky day - I happen to run a post-rapture plant watering and pet sitting business - I'm sure as shit not getting raptured.

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[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 17 points 2 months ago

God, I wish God would actually just end this cringe already.

[–] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Good thing I tried pegging for the first time tonight then! Ticked that one off the bucket list just in time!

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[–] Troubleinmind@lemmy.wtf 17 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Post-Rapture looting anyone?

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago (7 children)

Why do you think I still live in Texas?

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[–] Monster96@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It's probably a coded message. Read it in the order of colors.

Jesus is rapture - 9-18-24 will on coming the happen.

It all makes sense!

[–] cmrn@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

JESUS IS THE RAPTURE

COMING WILL HAPPEN ON 9-18-24

sigh… if you insist

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[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Haha! Yeah right, this is like the ten thousandth time they've s

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[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Can we go ahead and get the rapture over with so the rest of us can get some peace and god damn quiet?

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[–] AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Still the 18th here. Anyone know where I can buy some inflatable sex dolls and helium at this hour?

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[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What timezone is the rapture in?

Trying to decide if I should stay up and get some photos

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[–] Harvey656@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago

Sorry, gonna have to miss the rapture, I have DnD this weekend.

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I didn’t get raptured, too much thc and alcohol in your system makes you too heavy for the angels to carry I think.

If all the good folk are gone though I sure hope for less traffic on my road trip this weekend. Praise jeebus? 🤷‍♂️

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