As a former cashier (grocery store not walmart admittedly, but I doubt things are that different), I dont think weird uses for the items are the way to go, the cashier is barely even going to notice or care what you're buying. what I bring to freak out the cashier, are some item that needs ID to buy, some big heavy item with the barcode removed so that it will take a bunch of lifting and turning in a hopeless effort to find it before someone eventually has to go find another one and bring it over, and a propane refill if walmart does those (at my grocery store the process to go find a full one was a pain, especially in the winter since they were outside). Further, I try to buy these items with the help of a ton of expired and unexpired coupons mixed together, several gift cards, and a stubborn half-deaf old person who wont take no for an answer.
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You are a fucking monster. The point of this was to have some laughs not cause a poor walmart employee to beat their spouse or off them selves. Damn you're cruel.
Hey, it could always get worse. I could also specify that these items are purchased on a Sunday that a locally favored football team happens to be playing a game, during the rush of people buying snacks and soda.
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Would it be more or less frustrating if instead of an old person, it's a middle aged person who clearly doesn't understand the language but keeps smiling and nodding as if you're on the same page and any time you try to prompt for information, they encouragingly push their items towards you or try to pay you in a currency you don't recognize?
I'm going with the classic:
Pringles can
Gloves
Sponge
Webcam, cactus and KY
You can't buy Kentucky at Walmart.
Oh, I thought they sold it by the Florida ounce
Gun, bleach, get well card.
Kid's backpack, kid's lunchbox, and a gun.
The back to school in America special.
bleach, ammonia based cleaner, mixing container.
uh oh, accidental chloramine gas bomb
reminder people, do NOT mix bleach with ammonia based cleaners to "speed up cleaning". youll accidentally speed up life
I'm good at this
Alligator clamps
Belt
Laxatives
Shipping boxes
Meat cleaver
Adult diapers
Birth control
Bucket
Bleach
Night vision goggles
Fingerless gloves
Bubble bath
Massager
Leather boots
Farady cage EMP bag
Zip ties
Meat grinder
Swim goggles
Funnel
Butt lifting suit
Rope
Prescription strength deodorant
Dog crate
Sorry for your loss card
Wooden cross
Ammo
Jock strap
Okay, actually it's just a script I wrote.
The easy-way-to-end-up-with-a-police-visit classic:
-
Plan B pill
-
Giant "9" balloon
-
Vodka.
I once bought 50 cans of butane. That caused a stir. Managers got involved, I was asked a whole bunch of questions about what I was doing, it was annoying.
Oh yeah, also had a similar experience with spray paint.
I think some of you have never been to Walmart and give the employees way too much credit in the intelligence department
I mean it's more likely that they just don't give a shit anymore.
Yeah, your weird items are probably not even the weirdest the cashier has seen today. And the cashiers are probably barely paying attention to what the items are anyway. They just don't care. They scan the item, the machine beeps, so they put it on the belt. I bet 90% of the time if you asked a cashier what the last item they scanned was, they wouldn't have any idea.
This is accurate to my experience when I worked at the supermarket.
Do you feel good being so vastly intellectually superior to those dumb fucks serving you? Must be awesome 😊
Car battery
Jumper cables
Duct tape
If you get a bonus then bleach, lye, or tarp rounds it out. Have fun talking to the local police!
None of this would attract attention, this is what you would buy to work on an old car. You don't get out much do you? 🤣
Sodium Hydroxide, hacksaw, large trash can
Chlorine, ammonia and a large plastic tub
Rope, duck tape, and a tarp.
I’m very disappointed. I couldn’t find any cardboard tubes at my local Walmart.
Anyway:
- Cardboard tube, at least 3” in diameter
- Gerbil food
- Candlesticks
Small plastic bags, rubber bands and viagra. (does Walmart sell viagra?)
Toaster, bathtub plug, pop tarts
"The 100 piece puzzles were too hard..."
Screws, hammer, sledgehammer
Apples, razor blades, carmel
Gatorade
Pregnancy tests
Plan B
Even worse:
Gatorade
Pregnancy test
Wire coat hangers