this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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You have all the powers that Putin currently does. Everyone feels the same way they do about you that they used to about Putin. You have his authority, for as long as you can hang on to it. You have none of his knowledge, however. The economic, military, social and political situations are the same as they now are. You are not inhabiting Putin’s body, you are just you. You’re magically transferred to the Kremlin.

How do you avoid falling out a window onto a pile of bullets your first week?

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[–] mozz@mbin.grits.dev 45 points 3 weeks ago

You have none of his knowledge

Me: Hey how do I get out of this building? All these doors have key codes

Guy: Предъявите удостоверение личности, или я вас задержу.

Me: You don’t speak English?

Guy: Пойдём со мной.

Me: Hey let go of me

Me: Ow stop

[–] bluGill@fedia.io 16 points 3 weeks ago

I get on the first airplane to Europe and apply for political asylum when I get off.

Unless you already have strong connections and relationships with everyone else in the Kremlin you won't last very long.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 10 points 2 weeks ago

Nice try, Putin.

You got yourself into this mess, now you gotta figure it out for yourself.

[–] Zahtu 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Simple - enforce russia joining the international court of Justice. Afterwards, let yourself and all other russian Government officals be charged by them. When i dont have any knowledge about their wrongdoing, the ICJ surely will have it. Flee to Genf, enjoy your life in prison. You wouldnt be falling out of a window there.

[–] Windex007@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

Same way as every single other Russian transition of power in modern history:

Reveal that the previous leader betrayed the Russian people, and you're here to set things right. EVERY transition.

[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Do I have access to his personal bank accounts?

Someone asked a very similar question yeasterday.

[–] AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yeah, this is a riff off how of all the answers in that thread, none of them seemed to worry in the least about personal survival. All the answers about reforming Russia when they probably would have been couped in a day.

And yes, you presumably would have access to his bankers.

[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 3 points 3 weeks ago

Realistically, nobody who has managed to reach Putin's level is going to walk away. You've been plotting 24/7/365 since forever; quitting is not an option.

In the scenario you post the only thing one can do is to make a one time deposit of $100 million to a Swiss bank account, and then ask the security detail to escort one to the US embassy [the idea is that I am myself, just somehow in Putin's office].

Once at the Embassy I claim to have no idea how I ended up in the Kremlin.

kill anyone opposing me then change the flag and establish democracy.

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Probably not gonna work very well with a bunch of bullet holes in it.

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

So I can't speak Russian? That's rough. I guess I'd try to stare everyone down until they get nervous and leave. Sometimes nod when people talk to me, sometimes just walk away from them. Oh no, he's giving me the silent treatment they'll think. Better not make him mad. Let them worry about the windows. Meanwhile I plan my escape through South America to LA where I live as a not-Putin impersonator. Hide in plain sight.

[–] ironhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 weeks ago
[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Have someone thrown out a window on the 1st day to establish dominance

[–] PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

Arrest and kill all the oligarchs that were previous Putin Loyalists, replace them with technocrats in a transitional state, institute a federated democratic system.

Anyone who'd want me dead is gone, anyone with power is loyal to me or apathetic on the issue, and the people now see me as a national hero, especially in the resource rich regions mainly inhabited by ethnic minorities who will now likely raise riot if anyone tries to take them back to the old ways.

Also try the patriarch of Novgorod for treason if he tries to pull anything.

[–] veniasilente@lemm.ee 2 points 3 weeks ago

Simple:

I'm in charge of Russia.

Suffices for Putin, doesn't it?

~~But yeah no, really, the solution is vodka~~

[–] the_toast_is_gone@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

I nuke Moscow. Can't fall out a window if there are no windows!

[–] ODuffer@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago
[–] Chainweasel@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

If I were in charge, I assume I would be the one making people fall out of Windows, no?