Trans

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13998559

Reaching Out For Help

After much consideration and fighting with my brain, I've decided that it's okay to ask for help in hard situations. So, I'm making this in hope that I receive at least a little bit of help. I'm asking for money, friends, and any advice you can give me. Everything counts and will help me during this rather terrible time. I'm Uni (name TBD) and I'm a 16 y/o transgirl unfortunately situated in the USA. You may know me as a regular on the Blahaj Matrix chats going by "Miss Universe".

So a little bit (a lot?) of backstory to sort of explain my current situation. My egg cracked October last year and it was both the best and worst thing that has happened in my life so far. Being a minor means that I can't really do anything about the fact that my egg cracked, I'm fully relying on the people around me to help me (which has failed). Put simply, as a minor I have absolutely no control over my body or my life, I have no money, no experience, and nowhere to go.

I came out to my mother and step-father (my parents are divorced) February this year, and while they seemed to be supportive at first they semi-recently turned on me and have been mostly unsupportive since then.

As for my father and step-mother, they are both actively transphobic republicans. I have no plans on coming out to them until after I turn 18, and it would be unsafe to do so before then.

Basically, as of now I have basically no support from anybody in my life and I'm completely trapped as my dysphoria gets worse with each passing day.

With my situation sort of explained(?), why am I actually here? Pretty much I'm here because I need money. Money for clothes, makeup, just stuff that can hopefully help me alleviate some of my dysphoria until I'm able to afford to do so myself (which as a minor is difficult). And also I suppose gas, in case it comes to it and I need to run away, even for a short period. I'm also looking for advice, I don't really know what to do and it would be really nice to have at least some semblance of what I could be doing right now.

I don't really know if any of that made sense, I'm bad at organizing my thoughts and even worse at asking for help. If you have any questions post them in the comments and I can probably answer them.

You can support me here on Buy Me a Coffee if you so wish, and/or with advice in the comments. Every donation counts.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13974203

Hey, so I [17 MTF] have now known I'm trans for a bit over 1.5 years. Still, I have only come out to precisely 2 friends and my parents, even though I am a member of several groups that are trans-supportive. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to that.

Some reasons that I believe are part of why: (CW transphobia included)

• My parents didn't take it super well and are kind of on the edge between transphobic and supportive. (They have a lot of transphobic views but are generally not malicious about it and try to use gender neutral terms for me most of the time.)
• One of the friends turned out to be quite transmed despite being trans herself, and has invalidated me on several occasions for not having enough dysphoria at the time.
• I'm scared other people won't take it super well and I have no functioning support network.
• I'm scared I'll be seen as some kind of abomination
• I don't really feel like I "deserve" to come out since I haven't started HRT yet (and my parents do not support me starting, so I have to do this in secret) and don't feel like I pass well enough. I know I don't need to, but telling my anxiety any of that has no effect

This anxiety is absolutely crippling my progress. It extends not only to coming out but also leaves me too scared to even make an attempt to pass. I look pretty fem already and have sufficient voice training for most situations, but I don't even attempt to use that voice in public just in case it might slip. For this reason, everyone assumes I'm male very quickly upon me saying anything, which also leads to the anxiety worsening because now I'm also scared it was the looks and not the voice.

Additionally, I am non-confrontational to the point of fawning a LOT, which means I end up trying to appease anyone I have a conversation with even when there is no reason to. If someone criticizes the way my walls are painted for example, I will always agree with them to at least some extent, even if I actually like the way the walls are. This also makes coming out super hard because there is absolutely no way I will stand up for myself if someone reacts negatively. And that'll of course validate them in their negativity.

As I've said, I have multiple groups that I know to be trans-supportive. But there, I am afraid coming out might still lead to disapproval due to me "not passing enough". (Once again, I know this is a harmful way to think, but that's what I'm here to fix.)

I'm on a waiting list for a therapist, although I don't know how trans-supportive they are. I'm primarily there to help fix the anxiety and possibly get the autism I suspect to have diagnosed. I do hope they're good with trans stuff too, but it's not a requirement as I've already sorted the medical things out with slightly less-than-legal options.

So, my question is: Do you have any tips on how to reduce this anxiety and expand my support network by coming out in more places?

Feeling really nervous about it but its hard for me to access it outside of these options, I just hope that the order actually goes through and that its not a scam and that I can finally start to change my body. Sorry to make a bit of a vent post but ya'll are awesome and I don't know anyone irl who would listen <3 Edit: The order didn't go through but they haven't taken my money so I don't think it's a scam, if anyone has some sites they can recommend which ship to the UK I'd really appreciate it ❤️

I did it. I came out to everyone that matters. No one has cut me off or thrown me out. The process took about 6 months longer than I thought it would, but we are here, on the other side of that long tunnel. But instead of flying out of the other side, speeding my way towards a full transition, I'm maybe two steps further transitioned than I was six months ago. No momentum.

And oh boy am I tired. Long talks with good friends, debating theology with my pastor, answering questions, calming fears, it's a lot of social energy.

Can I just stop being trans for one bloody moment? I need a breather. But no, that's not an option, the dysphoria is not abated. So onward I press, taking the hard path, the good path, the slow path. I can be a Christian and trans. I can keep my support network and transition. I don't have to lose my wife and kids, we can make this work.

But

it's

so

slow

.

I've been transitioning as slowly as possible for 30 years, but I'm ready to drop my masc and make a mad dash to the other side. I'm ready to throw out the guy clothes, take E, get an orchi, laser my face. I know different people experience womanhood differently, but I feel like I haven't gotten to experience it all, despite leaning hard on that GNC wall for all my masc years. And so I don't ask people to call me Amber, she/her, because I don't feel like I deserve it. Once I'm over there, then I'll ask. Once I malefail. But this mindset is holding me back. Insisting on maintaining all my relationships and support network is holding me back. My wife working her way through her own theology and gender issues is holding me back. And I can't lose those, so I limp along, dragging the shattered remains of my masc alongside me.

I thought for sure that putting myself out there would free me to go be myself, that I would be zooming, but instead I'm still plodding along, just now with extra scrutiny.

Last night I dreamed I was a kid, and instead of hiding and building a masc, I was demanding to be myself. Little dream me was so sure of herself, so ready to fight everyone who would tell her she couldn't be who she really was. I could use her energy right now, and her willingness to fight for herself.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13900215

Taken from a Press Release by the group:

LONDON, 1 July 2024—Two young trans activists scaled the NHS England’s London headquarters at 133–135 Waterloo Road in London on Friday to stage a protest and have remained there ever since. The group, now made up of seven young protesters, all 18 or under, has one simple message: Trans Kids Deserve Better: we are not pawns for your politics.

The powerful direct action has been organised by the “​​Trans Kids Deserve Better” network, which is calling for: access to gender affirming healthcare for trans children and young people, protection from discrimination and disrespect in their daily lives and the right to be heard in all decisions that affect them.

Their protest comes in the wake of the government using emergency powers to ban all access to puberty blockers in the UK, a move that was supported by Labour’s Wes Streeting, likely to be the next Secretary of State for Health. It also comes in the context of a General Election campaign where trans people and trans youth have been used as ‘culture war’ talking points, but not allowed to speak for themselves.

“We are staging this protest to remind politicians and voters that we’re real kids, not just political talking points. We may not have a vote, but it is our lives that are at stake,” said one of the activists staging the protest. “Gender-affirming healthcare is a matter of life and death for us, and we hope that our actions will bring awareness to this fact and encourage others to fight for the healthcare and dignity that we are so shamefully denied.”

My family tends to be sprinkled throughout the different levels. My wife, grandmother and son, easily number 1 in support of my transition and identity.

Many of my cousins I grew up with are level 2.

Father and stepmother are level 5 - possibly level 6 when I was a child - still figuring that one out as new traumas surface.

Everyone else hovers around 3 - 5.

Just remember, I'll always be a level 1 for you ❤️

Level 1: completely supportive

Level 2: mostly supportive but lacking some knowledge, or some transmedicalist attitudes due to ignorance, not malignancy

Level 3: neutral, not supportive but not opposing either, or "supportive" transmedicalist

Level 4: leaning oppose, but no forceful interventions, or refuse to gende you correctly but used neutral pronouns

Level 5: misgendering, not accepting you as their daughter or son, but still pretend to be "loving" misgendered you

Level 6: disowning or physically beating or etc, most extreme measures

(Stolen, with love, from the user Cormier643 on Reddit. Felt like this was a great way to get discussions going again ❤️)

-Olivia ✌🏻

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

One of my favourite Autostraddle posts of all time.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13660667

I got this "binder" recently. I like it better than any one I've had so far (I'd estimate that I've gone through about eight from various brands).

Pros:

-Very breathable, can exercise in it without feeling like death

-Not terrible in hot weather

-Doesn't show under a lot of shirts, though if you have a shirt with a wide neck it'll show, but does look like an undershirt as opposed to a bra since the neck is high.

-Helps with hiding hip fat

-Feels natural. I forget I'm wearing this sometimes. Probably would be fine sleeping in it as well, though it's good practice to take breaks.

Cons:

-If you have a bigger chest this isn't gonna do the best of jobs binding since it's got less compression than a typical binder. It's still not the worst option in that case, but you won't look completely flat. It's worked well for me flatness wise.

-I wouldn't wear this by itself because it doesn't fit like a regular shirt. Definitely looks an undergarment.

-It smells like a McDonald's playground right out of the package. I recommend you add baking soda into the wash to get the smell out faster.

-I suspect this will stretch out the longer I use it. The solution is to dry it on low as opposed to air dry it. It's got cotton in it so it'll shrink.

I recommend you only get it in black or white if your concern is passing. A lot of cis men will wear undershirts (typically in white, sometimes black, but never in nude).

If you're in-between measurements, order a size up. I made the mistake of getting a size down and I wasn't even able to get it over my head. Had to exchange it which took a while.

If you're interested in a binder with flatter coverage I will post a review of the underworks ultimate binder if requested. Underworks is by far my favorite binder brand for many reasons.

Hello, in the last months I habe taken an interest in the journey trans people go trough to be officially recognized as the gender they are and the surgical operations many go through to adapt their body to their Gender, how it differs in different states, and what can be done to improve this. Unfortunately (as you have probably read in the last sentence) I have no idea about anything regarding this topic. Therefore, I am asking if you know any worthwhile books, websites or any other resources where I can inform myself about these topics, preferably they should be in English or German, but I can just as well use a translator if it is any other language. Thank you for your answers in advance!

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

I'm so scared...

I'm from a small central European country called Austria. We recently had elections for our EU representative. Sadly, the HEAVILY conservative party (formerly the same party that Hitler was in) won.

Literally all that they want to do is just objectively wrong - from ignoring climate change to leaving the EU, and that's not even mentioning their views on us queer folk.

Seeing as how this election turned out, I'm so incredibly scared of the next one (nationalratswahl) because, if they get elected there too, they can cause some serious damage to Austria/us. I'm actually so scared that I feel the need to kinda rush my transition now (mainly meaning legal name/gender change).

I actually genuinely feel ashamed living here sometimes. And yes, I am thinking of leaving the country if it gets worse but it's really not that easy for me currently...

I'm sorry for the rant but I'm just incredibly scared about my safety here in the future. I also don't have any other place to rant this to ;-;

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Just to have some conversation here I'm curious how you chose your name if you've already chosen one and what the story behind it is? And if you haven't chosen your name yet, maybe people are able to help you decide.

As for me it was always pretty clear which name I would choose because a few years before even realising I'm trans much less coming out I asked my mum what name I would have gotten if I was born a girl. She told me that I always successfully hid my genitals on every ultrasound picture (kind of prophetic in hindsight) so my parents had to choose a name for both possibilities. And thus a name was already chosen for me that fit perfectly. 🥰

I'm curious to hear your stories!

the waves crashing down are a terrible thing but the sounds on the shore where the little birds sing can be all that i need to keep going despite all the troubles surviving the ocean at night

i want to keep going; i cannot concede to the violence within causing me to recede

i know that i can't always gain what i seek but i know not how to escape from such a bleak and foreboding dismay of ideas in my mind and the fairy tale ending that's so hard to find

the journey itself is a battle it seems but there's hope in my heart to fulfill all my dreams

and i think that i must not sink further below

this struggle is real and i can still feel the undertow

but i will go on

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

i try to escape when it feels like i'm being pulled down and i don't know how to get out of here

being held under the surface fighting for a purpose igniting several verses

as it all goes gray i fear for today and the promise of tomorrow there's bound to be sorrow i wish i could borrow the power to eliminate this dread and despair and somehow to repair myself

it's almost too much to stay where i am to battle my demons to debate why the land that i know is the road to no- where

and if i can somehow overcome this now and keep from being pulled down again i'd still have to try to make a break for the shore and i don't know what to do anymore i'm trapped on the floor watching waves crash above but i'm guided by Love

Have you been in a codependent relationship?

My transition has helped me realize just how bad the codependency was in my marriage. Things are really rough for me currently as we try and untangle the destructive habits.

I have never had a sense of identity outside of my relationship with my wife. Now that is changing, it means my marriage must change with it... or not.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

How do you feel about Pride? Plan on going to any events?