God forbid we actually rehabilitate people instead of profiting off of their enslavement and not actually giving a shit if they get better or not.
this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2025
989 points (99.2% liked)
Programmer Humor
22950 readers
926 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Paraphrasing a Scandinavian who gave an interview I once saw in a TV documentary about the correction system in some nordic country:
Once that perpetrator gets out of prison and rents an apartment next to you, would you rather he was subject to inhumane punishment? Or would you rather he was treated like a human being and learned how to behave in society?
Heh, the amerikkkan answer is simple: don't let them rent next to you. They've accomplished it by ridiculous rent prices, charging inmates to be in jail (so they come out with debt), and shackling them to low paying jobs.
There's gotta be less cruel ways to rehabilitate people, though.
I'm kidding. Welcome reformed convicts, to the wonderful and awful world of coding!
It’s even more absurd as surely the objective should be to have less victims of crime, so doing whatever gets that result seems logical.
A lot of people's concept of justice isn't based on logic. Rehabilitation makes more sense logically, but retribution feels better.
The murderers have to do C++.
I already do C++, so I must have a few credits built up...
If you do COBOL it's a get out of jail free card
So as long as I'm not caught in between I can murder multiple times?
Don't murderers do filesystems?
I got this. For those that don't, search about reiserfs and the author's criminal history.
They’ve already got the requisite skills for Unix
man kill
pkill -P <parent_pid> —signal SIGKILL
killall -9
Impossible! You mean to say... prisoners are just human beings?! Preposterous! Ludicrous, even!
Wrftf is rehabilitation?
I wanna punish and increase recidivism!
Ahhh a fellow American I see.
Justice is "just us" and is exclusively meant to maximize misery.
Given that prisons are an industry in the States and that inmates are one of their main sources of cheap labor, the high recidivism rate is there to maximize profits.
*2.000000001 years
They're not allowed to teach Java. Otherwise they'll be referred to the ICC for crimes against humanity.
Also sued by Oracle
What heinous crime one must commit to be forced to learn fortran
Pursue a particle physics degree
Source: I've been at my masters thesis for two years please kill me
You got this bro 👊
That’s… ambiguous.
Huh… Not my intention.
I wasn’t wishing them success with their thesis /s
You both got this and don't got this at the same time?
Nah my death wish is too passive
The sentence should scale with the crime. Nonviolent burglars and minor frauds could be taught Python, more serious crimes could get Go, whereas the most depraved offenders could be sentenced to C++
Not envious of that serial killer having to decide between Assembly and Haskell
The real reason Hannibal Lecter broke out was he had to write Clojure in Notepad
One of guys that retired wrote all his code in notepad. He also did debugging by printing all the code on paper. Like wtf there are other options!
Haskell would be reserved for drug offenders
They have to maintain the code of the ReiserFS project.
load more comments
(1 replies)
You are hereby remanded to upgrade a legacy Java 1 system, written by interns, to Java 8. May God have mercy on your soul.
Ah yes, the pip to npm pipeline!
Maybe they can teach them to maintain the Linux wireless drivers.
Cruel and unusual.
Pascal breathing heavily in the common room
if you get sent there for computer crimes you might get the worst sentence: Teaching those "tech skills."
"Their methods are unusual, but very effective!!"
I hear they do micro work for mechanical turk in some Finnish prisons. It is optional, but surely won't teach you anything at all about tech.
Beats being a slave on a chain gang in the American prison system.
Well maybe, micro work is really dehumanizing and cognitively rough. I hear some US inmates do work at McDonalds and if I had to choose between that and microwork, and if time I spent working was the same with both options, I would take the fastfood job any day. At least have done that before irl so I know what to expect.
I'm ADHD in IT job, and my mind would explode if work I did with computer was just unskilled datasorting job.
But I do know US inmates have basically slave conditions. But I read a book about microwork and it sounds like psychological torture to me. Like what they do in Severance.
(Work without worker is the book)
At least they are allowed a ThinkPad.
Not seen: Prison-issued thigh high rainbow socks.
console.log("surprised pickachu face");
You whiners and complainers are all lucky. I don’t see anyone mentioning PL/SQL.
What did he do? Kill a crowd of innocent people using an old woman as a club?
Objective hell.
view more: next ›