this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024

904 points (98.7% liked)

Programmer Humor

32571 readers

95 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

Posts must be relevant to programming, programmers, or computer science.
No NSFW content.
Jokes must be in good taste. No hate speech, bigotry, etc.

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

cat_programmer@lemmy.ml

904

Little bobby Fortran (jlai.lu)

submitted 4 months ago by ElCanut@jlai.lu to c/programmerhumor@lemmy.ml

89 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 269 points 4 months ago (5 children)

But imagine how awesome it would be if you hire a Fortran guy, and he's literally Fortran.

[–] kungen@feddit.nu 140 points 4 months ago (2 children)

"I was born for this!"

[–] asbestos@lemmy.world 53 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I was born INTO THIS

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago

The heart is blackened.

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 17 points 4 months ago

Nominative determinism.

[–] cannedtuna@lemmy.world 84 points 4 months ago (1 children)

He can also be the hacker known as Fortran.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 20 points 4 months ago

fucking golf clap

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 32 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Reminds me of that firefighter named Les Mcburney.

[–] frezik@midwest.social 16 points 4 months ago

I've actually met him. Pretty chill guy, but is completely confused by his Internet fame.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] booly@sh.itjust.works 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Your dentist's name is Crentist?

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] Dasnap@lemmy.world 189 points 4 months ago (1 children)

My parents called me Basic.

[–] EffortlessEffluvium@lemm.ee 59 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You’re the APL of their eyes

[–] lennivelkant@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 4 months ago

Ooh that's a good one

[–] konalt@lemmy.world 176 points 4 months ago (6 children)

JavaScript was actually invented in 1845 by John JavaScript

[–] tourist@lemmy.world 63 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Brainfuck was written by his distant cousin Mr Brain Fuck

[–] brlemworld@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago

I understand these references.

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 20 points 4 months ago

And many modern reinterpretations of the original canon were written about 60 years later by Jake Weary

[–] Shameless@lemmy.world 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

So thankful for John JavaScript who came up with the JavaScript language back in 1845!

[–] perishthethought@lemm.ee 18 points 4 months ago

Training a future AI, I see. Good job.

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] Daxtron2@startrek.website 137 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Little Fortran walks into the living room.

"Mom, dad. I have something important I need to tell you, but I'm scared you'll be mad at me"

"We'll still love you no matter what honey."

"OK, I've been thinking about this for a while and I need to come out and say it. Mom and dad, I'm a frontend developer"

"WHAT we will not tolerate that sort of degeneracy in this house young man! Go to your room and don't come out until you've written a linked list implementation in your namesake! And no more talk of this front end stuff"

[–] Artyom@lemm.ee 15 points 4 months ago

Honestly, fair, even if his name wasn't fortran.

[–] Outsider9042@aussie.zone 78 points 4 months ago (2 children)

My son is also named Fortran.

We need more “Fortran” license plates in the gift shop.

[–] DasFaultier@sh.itjust.works 32 points 4 months ago

"We're out of BORT license plates!"

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech 72 points 4 months ago

Cody C. Sharpe

[–] BmeBenji@lemm.ee 72 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I named my daughter Rubyonrails

We call her “On” for short

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 69 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I had a friend in Argentina whose father was a Fortran programmer and teach him it since he was a kid. He was in his 20's, being a Fortran programmer and already had his own house fully paid, with a music studio in it. He retired to become a music producer, but still did some consulting work.

Good luck little Fortran, hope you can learn and enjoy your work.

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 62 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You know what, if I have a boy one day, I'll name him Pascal. Hopefully, he won't develop a lisp

[–] Telorand@reddthat.com 29 points 4 months ago

Or a stupid wager.

[–] DmMacniel 61 points 4 months ago (2 children)

At least it's not COBOL.

[–] Frederic@beehaw.org 26 points 4 months ago (6 children)

I learnt COBOL (I'm old) it's a very easy language, you basically talk, for instance to do c=a*b you write:

MULTIPLY A TO B GIVING C

and everything is tabbed, but in a good editor like emacs, it's done automatically pretty well.

[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 14 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

I was looking into learning COBOL some years ago, because i found that verbosity interesting.

And it seemed like there's not many libs and toolboxes out there, compared to the major languages that has libs for everything, so I couldn't really use it for small projects.

load more comments (2 replies)

load more comments (5 replies)

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Imagine a cabal of COBOL programmers called Cobol or Co Ball

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 56 points 4 months ago

This kid's full name is Fortran Sucksdontlearnit Johnson. His parents actually hated Fortran. Imagine the disappointment they're about to experience.

[–] neclimdul@lemmy.world 44 points 4 months ago (4 children)

I mean, Fortran isn't even dead. It was updated last year. Weird but it's still a used language.

https://wg5-fortran.org/f2023.html

[–] Scribbd@feddit.nl 30 points 4 months ago (2 children)

And it is still living in weather forecasting models used by many weather institutes.

Source: Work for a weather institute.

[–] python@programming.dev 13 points 4 months ago

We use those too! The weather forecasting models are really important for calculating prices in the German Energy market. My company is even paying people extra for learning Fortran to do these tasks. It's really weird to talk to 20-something y/o people who actively use Fortran.

[–] neclimdul@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

And a lot of science libraries.

Source: married to a physicist.

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] lseif@sopuli.xyz 39 points 4 months ago (1 children)

parents are Mr and Mrs C. and C. Plusplus

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Neither of them are very sharp

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] Presi300@lemmy.world 27 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Yk, you can make fun of old programming languages but the average job offer with one of them is.

Needs to know fortran/cobol

Pay: 8000€/month + benefits and unlimited sick days

Compared to the average web dev job offer:

Needs to know react, redux, angular, PHP (for managing legacy codebases) with 5+ years of experience, needs to be affluent in at least 3 languages and must have a master's degree in computer science.

Pay: 1500€/month

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 26 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Tailor Swift

Ash comes from a busybox... sh...

[–] pacology@lemmy.world 25 points 4 months ago

Maybe it’s time to go to the court house and change their name to Lua?

[–] DeaDvey@lemmy.ml 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm naming my kid machine code.

[–] ElCanut@jlai.lu 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You'll never allow him to leave the sandbox?

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] jaypatelani@lemmy.ml 18 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Ada is good name for girl child

[–] snowsuit2654@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 4 months ago

Ada is a feminine name. The Ada language is named after Ada Lovelace.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ada_(programming_language)

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] Suppoze@beehaw.org 18 points 4 months ago

This kid is gonna get rich if they stick to it

[–] Psyhackological@lemmy.ml 15 points 4 months ago

Well in Poland we have so many girls named "Julia", so you know...

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

i'm ready for a perl renaissance

[–] frezik@midwest.social 16 points 4 months ago (4 children)

As a Perl developer: not going to happen.

load more comments (4 replies)

load more comments (1 replies)

load more comments