this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2024
616 points (99.2% liked)

Greentext

4607 readers
1498 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 34 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 40 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (3 children)

Do it every day at the exact same time for 1 month.

Call it performance art.

People will be in awe at your revolutionary creative ambition

Art studios might actually finance your project

Embarrassment averted

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I'd be more embarrassed to end up being a performance artist than the bare bottomed bridge farter tbh.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

At least in the 90s you could have got on Eurotrash with your act.

Probably in the segment just after a Belgian naturist with tits like windsocks.

[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 2 points 45 minutes ago

And right before the guy who makes authentic models of Austrian villages with his own faeces.

[–] nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I'm sure there's a curator at the Tate Modern that would entertain this argument.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 1 points 1 hour ago

At one point they are an arrangement of stacked plastic boxes. So it's clear they'll take anything

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 3 points 13 hours ago

Soon a queue will form and you can charge 5 quid at the door

[–] DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 23 points 20 hours ago

Never gamble on a fart.

[–] NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz 122 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think pulling your pants down to fart is more embarrassing than doing explosive diarrhea into the Thames.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 7 hours ago

Diarrhea is a lot more understandable reason to do that. A fart you could've just sneakily let go while walking

[–] frankenswine@lemmy.world 67 points 1 day ago

old fashioned

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 27 points 21 hours ago

As long as he farted in the general direction of France, he'd be OK.

[–] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 37 points 22 hours ago
[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 76 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Sounds like a normal day in London for those other people.

[–] Samsy@lemmy.ml 23 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Exactly, I mean it's the British food, they eat beans for breakfast for example. Explosive diarrhea must be illness number one.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm 9 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Only for the weak with 0 fiber in their diet.

[–] RecallMadness@lemmy.nz 4 points 15 hours ago

How you eat beans and still manage to get 0 fiber is beyond me.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 7 points 20 hours ago

illness number one in London is whatever strain has developed sentience on the tube

[–] amon@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago

they eat beans for breakfast

we're too broke for that

[–] Gork@lemm.ee 59 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Not quite a shitpost but almost one. A fartpost.

Let's be generous and go with a shartpost.

[–] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 7 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

On Tuesday I felt like I badly needed to shit. I was working at a hospital and the secluded bathroom was out of toilet paper so I went to one in the main part of the hospital. It was just farts. Possibly the most gas I've ever had. I have hemorrhoids pretty bad and farting while sitting on a toilet is the worst thing for making them very angry.

Plus mad people were walking by and stopping to have conversations by the door, so many people listened to me fart 40 times.

[–] Darkblue@lemmy.world 1 points 23 minutes ago

Your username weirdly checks out...

And on a side note: there are a lot of ways to cure/alleviate piles. What are your weapons of choice?

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 20 points 1 day ago

This is why i need to move back to a big city, i mss this kind of interaction with my fellow humans.

Maybe this is the same guy on holiday ?

https://thethaiger.com/news/national/fat-farang-strips-naked-and-poops-in-bangkok-shrine-video

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Ngl I’ve been walking to work one time and thought I needed to fart and followed through with liquid shit down my legs. Now I was always late cause it was a shit job, so I just rang and told them the truth and that I was going for a shower. When I got to work every fucker was cheering about me shitting myself.

I’ve had two other occasions where I’ve gone from normal to a sweaty, nauseous mess with an incredible urge to poop. One time did it in some grass after getting off the tram for an unscheduled stop and once in a train bathroom where I thought i would be found passed out covered in shit 👀 💩

[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 1 points 39 minutes ago (1 children)

Have you considered your diet, my good man?

Tell me more?

Diet is pretty poor. I rarely eat a lot.

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 day ago (1 children)

infront

Well we know he's not got a suit job.

[–] molten@lemmy.world 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wrong. He's clearly an average CEO

[–] Sonotsugipaa@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No, a CEO would've made sure a boat was passing umder the bridge

[–] YerbaYerba@lemm.ee 7 points 1 day ago

Bird instincts

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

As usual, real comedy is in the comment section.

[–] akkajdh999@programming.dev 4 points 23 hours ago