this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2024
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And Finally...

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[–] AstridWipenaugh@lemmy.world 142 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it's more than 6, but is Christian?

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 45 points 1 week ago (11 children)

Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.

[–] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 35 points 1 week ago (4 children)

They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.

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[–] remer@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Does a straw have two holes or one hole?

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[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 121 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Yay! More small government and freedom!

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[–] slickgoat@lemmy.world 99 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 48 points 1 week ago

They've been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.

[–] shonn@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.

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[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 90 points 1 week ago (7 children)

Hypocrites! They do this tomfoolery but make classrooms hang up the approved lord and savior:

[–] NoForwardslashS@sopuli.xyz 18 points 1 week ago (7 children)

As long as there's no more than 6 per student

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[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 75 points 1 week ago (17 children)

I don't know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.

"Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste."

What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?

[–] PineRune@lemmy.world 70 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don't look like dongs, so people shouldn't recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.

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[–] criticon@lemmy.ca 27 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My Walmart has them next to the pharmacy, 2 or 3 aisles away from the toothpaste

Meijer has them on the same aisle as the deodorant

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[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (5 children)
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[–] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 63 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!

How were they enforcing this?

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[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 62 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Yes. Texas bans the possession of or promoting use of more than six dildos.

It does make exceptions for people who have the multiples of the device for medical and law enforcement purposes.

Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for 'law enforcement'.

You'll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho...

BUT if you can prove it's medically necessary; you're welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties...

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[–] Gort@lemm.ee 57 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?

[–] RangerJosie@lemmy.world 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)

There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.

Have you seen their politicians?

[–] mossy_@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago

those are just plain ol' dicks

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 55 points 1 week ago

*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*

The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.

[–] Zip2@feddit.uk 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why are so many people using them in Walmart?

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 20 points 1 week ago (3 children)

People like to sample the produce as they shop, granted it's usually a bag of crisps or a handful of grapes but it's the same... ballpark.

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[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 53 points 1 week ago (7 children)

How...how are they enforcing this?

[–] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 90 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.

Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 35 points 1 week ago

At least they can fuck themselves while they're at it I guess

[–] superkret 29 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Guten Tag! Ve are from se Small Government Staffel, here to inspect your bedroom. Vere are your papers for sese?

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[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 44 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.

[–] Kbobabob@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?

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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will ~~cum~~ come!” vibes.

[–] Zip2@feddit.uk 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think it’s got religious overtones. One per day except the sabbath, when you have to leave your holes free for God to enter. Like Mary did.

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[–] azimir@lemmy.ml 35 points 1 week ago

The One Star State is at it again. "Freedom" there is not really a thing since the government obviously owns the citizens.

[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago

There are definitely some Texas billionaires that own more than six politicians.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 31 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Will United Healthcare cover dildos if they are for medicinal purposes?

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago

Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆

[–] x0x7@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Neo-puritanism needs to die. I'm getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control. We're done with this shit.

At least none of these people should be violent. They can have their views. But law is always violent. So it has no business being an extension of anyone's sexual views. If you violently impose your sexual perspective on others you are as good as a rapist in my book.

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[–] VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.

The worst part about this is that I'd rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.

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[–] PlainSimpleGarak@lemmings.world 27 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.

[–] Tuxman@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 week ago

They came for the dildos….. and BOY did they came!!!

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[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 27 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Rofl, they were afraid for their right to bear arms instead of their right to bear dildos.

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[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

So... are there like, auditors? Does the government pay someone to go around and inventory peoples' sex toys? Do you have to register your devices? Are they serialized? Do you have to report them on your state tax return?

Who are these ~~people~~ whackjobs that spend so much time thinking about what other people are doing in their bedrooms?

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[–] yarr@feddit.nl 22 points 1 week ago

Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she's very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State... it's CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠

#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)

[–] SpaceScotsman@startrek.website 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The solution is clearly to set up sex toy libraries.

...They would never interfere with libraries, right?

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[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 20 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I would never have thought to go to walmart to buy a sex toy if I hadn't seen them somewhat prominently displayed on my way towards the vitamin aisle.

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[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)

Besides banning the sale of sex toys, the Texas Obscenity Statute also specified the number of “obscene devices”—for example, dildos—a person could own: six. The number was not chosen at random, but rather because lawmakers assumed that people who owned more than six obscene devices that were identical or similar had the intent to distribute them.

Theoretically, it should be possible to have more than six obscene devices without by guilty of intending to supply them - cock ring, butt plug, fleshlight, dildo, strap-on, inflatable sheep, Ben Wa balls, nipple clamps and penis cage. All have different uses, all without intending to supply.

If supply was the concern (although I don't know why), perhaps criminalise that not the bottom drawer of my bedside table.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago

Fine. I'm a defender of gun rights. No more than six or you intend to distribute. Let's rock.

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