Ask Lemmy

As an adult I never had a date until I was 27. I didn’t blame anyone for it, not even myself. I just never sook it out. After about a year using multiple dating apps I found what works and I got a match. We texted on the app for about a month, before moving to direct text messages. Then after another month she finally asked me out. (lord knows I wasn’t gonna do it)

Dating apps suck though. Unless you’re in the top 15% of attractiveness you get very little attention. If you want to meet people then I’d highly suggest finding in person groups for your interests. Don’t just immediately approach the first woman you see. If it’s a male dominated space then every other guy will be trying the same thing. First figure out how to get along with the existing members.

There are plenty of free activities too. My co worker has been trying to get me into our offices run club and there’s a ton of women there. But most importantly focus on being a fun person. Nobody wants to date a mope who drags everyone down.

Stay off the incel forums bro, unless you want to be one forever. They might seem like an understanding support system, but those guys have real toxic and self-sabotaging ideas about dating and women in general.

First off, teens absolutely do need to impress and attract the other sex.

Have you seen anyone about depression?

You haven't failed. Sometimes life gets in the way.

I'm also working on these things

If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

If I could only recommend one resource for learning about interacting with others, it would be Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People".

You don't have to have money or a brimming social life to go on dates or have meaningful relationships. You do have to make some effort at building those relationships though. The book I mentioned will teach you a lot of the basics.

Yes.

Do you want to date or are you feeling like you should at your age? I only ask because I don't want to make suggestions if deep down you're happy with your current single status and find enjoyment in other areas of life.

If you want to date more then I would think there are things that you already do in life now that would be attractive to other people. Not everyone is about money or social status. Many other people are in the same boat and are just looking for companionship or a partner that they can lean on and vice versa.

Also agreeing to a date is common even before you know a person's wealth, social status, etc. That's kind of the point of going on a date is to learn more about the person. So are you having trouble meeting people to even ask to date or are you asking people and not getting a positive response?

One last thought, you seem a little down on yourself. I could be reading too much into this but I don't get the impression you feel very confident in your value. You called yourself a failed adult. Thats something others can pick up on and it doesn't always come across as attractive. If that's how you truly feel then perhaps you can look at ways to feel better about your value or build up your confidence which will certainly be an attractive quality people will notice.

I hope this helps. I obviously don't know you but I know everyone has something to offer. Sometimes you need to look inward and see the value yourself before others may see it.

I never really had the urge to seek romantic relationships. Maybe I'm asexual/aromantic. Idk.

You could be aromantic

Woe is me, you're not not attractive because of your financial status, you're not attractive because when you put others on a pedestal they have no choice but to look down on you.

If you can't be comfortable or happy by yourself than you can't go out of your way for others. Like how on an airplane you put your oxygen mask on before helping others put their mask on.

I had a bad bout of depression and opted to remove myself from social situations instead during my 20s. Once you realize that if other people have a problem with your problems more than you have with your own problems, that's their issue...it is an epiphany. Even absolutely successful people have endless haters, just put on horse blinders and tell yourself "fuck it" and just do what makes you happy.

You'll bump into people who want to hang out as you keep doing activities for yourself. If you like hiking or drawing, hike and draw. If you like running go run. I guarantee the people also doing those things have something to talk about to open the Pandoras box of conversation.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Good luck, it's a process. Gotta learn how to respect yourself the same or more than you want to have others like you.

If your question is serious there are 2 things to do. First recognize the fact that if you believe that you are a loser you will come off that way to other people. When a guy lacks all confidence others can "smell" it on him like a dog. If you stay in that rut it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that you will always be a loser. 2ND - Don't waste your time with bars and dating sites. Find clubs in your area. Stuff like hiking or biking, trips to art shows, anything that is going to have both males and females. You will find many females in these clubs who are there for the same reason as you. To meet someone. Get to know them a bit and then ask them to join you for coffee or a drink. And don't get discouraged if you get turned down on your first few attempts. Consider them practice. Eventually someone will say yes.