this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2024
257 points (94.5% liked)

Not The Onion

12378 readers
314 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/20607081

Marjorie Taylor Greene appeared to double down on her Hurricane Helene conspiracy theory over the weekend, following up a baseless claim that “they” can control the weather with an assertion that such a scheme might involve lasers.


🗳️ Register to vote: https://vote.gov/

top 44 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] independantiste@sh.itjust.works 49 points 1 month ago (4 children)

What is it with the USA putting either batshit crazy people or people so fucking old they can't form a single sentence in power?? She's the one saying "they control the weather" btw.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 36 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Well you see, back in the 1970s there was a president named Richard Nixon, whom by all accounts WAS popular enough to win the upcoming election. Had he just run a fair campaign, I'm not saying it was in the bag, but he had a very high likelyhood of winning. This was the same president credited with ending the highly unpopular Vietnam War, which was credited as being started by, and escalated by two seperate democrat presidents. Here he was a republican who was ending it. He also created the EPA, which while less important for his campaign, was still a huge talking point. Just running on those two things alone, he'd likely have won.

Instead of doing that, he attempted to cheat, and install listening devices in his opponents headquarters. He was eventually caught. Now it's at this point that American culture forever changed.

See, when he was caught, the republicans COULD have taken the L, punished Nixon, and shown the United States government would not tolerate treason by imprisoning Nixon. That never happened. Instead, the republicans went a different route.

Nixon stepped down as president, Ford granted him a FULL pardon, and the republicans set about a long term planto make sure their future schemes wouldn't be held accountable by public opinion in the future.

So they began policies that lowered education. Years later they started Fox News. They continually year after year cut funding for public education all across the country. They could have chosen to run better candidates, held the position with respect, and came out more respected for having paid the consequences for their actions. Instead, they disregarded any honor our government might have held. They turned it into an us vs them mentality. They tried to, and achieved skirting all responsibility.

Now the only thing left to do to solidify this new mentality, is progressively get the general population dumber and dumber so in the future they hold party above country. They did this by killing education for the masses, slowly over time so nobody noticed a sizable shift. They began their own news channel with the sole intent on telling their audience that they're the good guys, and democrats are the bad guys.

The problem with this logic is that democrats and republicans are two sides of the same coin. That coin being America. So by hurting democrats, you're hurting America, and the coin falls. It doesn't strengthen the republican side to hurt the democrats. It just hurts America, including the democrats. But after literal decades and generations of brainwashing, they're treating politics as a sports game. MY side won, so YOUR side lost! Except that's not how that works. They're blind to the fact that yes the democrats lost, but so did republicans. They don't understand that their policies (like anti-abortion) are leading to things like higher taxes to pay for welfare (due to a higher percentage of unwanted children born to parents who aren't ready to be parents).

The more they push their guys, the more they can't see that their guys are hurting their own lives, and creating problems they claim to be against.

So they blame the democrats for their problems, because it SURELY couldn't be their own people causing problems. And that causes them to go even MORE extreme on their candidates.

And now you got people like MTG, who I'm fairly convinced is just trolling her own base at this point, but her base is too stupid to get it, because the plan 50 years ago worked so well.

And that's where we are. A nation of nutjobs with daily public shootings, who won't admit that gun control is a solvable issue. Especially since we're the ONLY nation with this problem.

You don't hear Canada shooting up movie theaters. If England had a public shooter they'd politely wait in line, and take turns.

[–] StupidBrotherInLaw@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

Username does NOT check out, great write up. Easily a perfect 5/7.

[–] nickiwest@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

If Dobbs continues to be the law of the land for any real length of time, we can also expect crime rates to rise in 18 to 20 years, just as they fell in the same time frame after Roe. But I'm sure the GOP is already planning to spin that as the Democrats' fault, too.

[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago

Very few sane people want to hold office. The truth of the job is that it's almost nonstop fundraising. The system is intentionally broken to keep money in power.

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Pobody's nerfect. She's more of a smokescreen for others in her party so they can keep on doing shady shit while she makes headlines with a pants-on-head-stupid quote of the day (plus a hint of dogwhistle to harvest outrage clicks).

[–] leisesprecher 5 points 1 month ago

But she was elected directly by actual people, wasn't she? It's not like she was put in an office by her party alone, people voted for her - as far as I remember even after the Jewish space laser incident.

And that's fucking scary. I don't think the smoke screen theory is wrong, but it seems more like a collateral benefit. People in the US are stupid, brainwashed or insane enough to elect a person like her into a position of power.

[–] Anivia 3 points 1 month ago

I dont think she actually believes in those conspiracy theories, she just hopes her followers believe her

[–] JimmyBigSausage@lemm.ee 25 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 39 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Sadly, we can’t. The damage she does as a US congress person is immense.

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Why is anyone listening to her, though? According to her followers, her vagina should be shooting out babies like an AK when it’s not making sandwiches.

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

her vagina should be shooting out babies like an AK when it’s not making sandwiches.

Nice try, Arby's.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Arby's: We've got the labia!

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

thanks for that image.

in any case, her base listens to her because she spews out the same shit they do, and votes the way they want her to vote.

I don't listen to her- I pay attention, but I don't go along with her bullshit, either. But if she could, she'd retconn all the stupid shit she's said to try and get back into committees and stuff. The antidote to that is paying the fuck attention and keeping her bullshit front and center until she goes away.

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah but this is partially because in the US congress, people don't just take a water bottle and hit their neighbour over the head with it, no matter how much they ought to. It could fix a fair few issues. Or a briefcase in the japanese version I think? Was it a briefcase?

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Congresscritters like her make think of the old school congressional duels.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Not so much. They won't let her dumbass on a single committee, and that's where the power lies. She's never wrote, let alone passed, any legislation. All she gets to do is vote on the same stuff the everyone else does.

If we gotta have a Republican in that seat, at least it's a powerless dipshit.

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

If we start ignoring heels, she can launder her reputation and get back into those committees.

[–] JimmyBigSausage@lemm.ee -3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Actually no, she is just only harming herself. You can actually ignore her. You have the power!!

[–] SelfProgrammed@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

I used to think that was the best approach too, but idiots like her, boebert, and trump need to live under a microscope before their crazy ideas are acted on.

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 22 points 1 month ago (2 children)

She's such a horrific troglodyte

[–] Heikki@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago

Don't assume the Bleach-Blonde-Bad-Butch-Bodies pronounouns. It also hates big words.

[–] Pippipartner@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But are those lasers from space and Jewish?

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Pippipartner@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 month ago

Our lazors comrade 🔴⭐

[–] militaryintelligence@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

I am a 45 year old white dude, with a 40 year old white wife. We have 3 white children. I don't fear the rise of hate and fear. But my best friend and his family are black. I think about them, and my gay friends, and I have fear for them. If there ever comes a time that I must pick up a weapon to defend my friends, I will. I do fear another battle against this threat of racism and fascism, but my black friend has enough guns for both of us.

Rant over. I just hate this shadow of bullshit I live under. The stupidity and willful ignorance.

[–] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago
[–] NotAnotherLemmyUser@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

So, it is possible to incentivize clouds to rain with lasers. It's part of "cloud seeding" tech that is already done today in Dubai.

But this just triggers rain on certain clouds, it's not going to trigger a hurricane.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/arielcohen/2021/07/28/dubai-is-using-laser-drones-to-shock-rainwater-out-of-the-sky/

[–] MutilationWave@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It also isn't going to make a cloud produce rain if it wasn't going to anyway. It's just an attempt to get it started early.

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A big enough laser pointed at the ocean would probably get a hurricane started; just gotta get enough moisture and heat into the air.

Now, powering the thing would be tricky, and doing it all unnoticed...

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)
[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I like the way you think, but I don't think Three Mile's remaining reactor has the output you'd need.

Actually, I wonder what the wattage of an average hurricane is. Somebody has to have done the math, probably Randall.

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

yeah, to be real, I'm not convinced our total global generated power would even be on the same order of magnitude.

[–] Revan343@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I was thinking tera or exa watt output would be needed, which is less than our global energy consumption, but hilariously more than any individual power plant could produce, regardless of whether it's fission, fusion, natural gas, or coal.

An antimatter powered generator might be able to hit the mark, but good luck with that; both building an antimatter power plant, and creating enough antimatter in the first place

[–] DrFuggles 4 points 1 month ago

Reminder: none of the currently available methods of cloud seeding are proven to work.

https://www.wired.com/story/new-gods-weather-rain-cloud-seeding-emirates/

Yes, it all works in theory and in the lab, but in practice we have no idea if cloud seeding "makes it rain" or if it would have rained anyway (to make a long story very short).

So take anything anyone says about "them making it rain" with, like, two grains of salt.

[–] tiefling@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Idiocracy was a documentary

[–] Drunemeton@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago

And “1984” was a warning, not a “How To”…

[–] solrize@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Everything is better if you add lasers.

[–] not_woody_shaw@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Accelerationist scum.

[–] mayo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Aren't they just trying to get into the news and aren't we supporting those goals by talking about it here?

Genuinely don't want to block this community but I'm on a 2 strike policy for this stuff. Don't need it in my life. Don't care.

[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 month ago

Now she is doing this for the lulz, or something.

[–] hedgehog@ttrpg.network -3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Okay but “they” can control the weather?

It’s called “climate change” aka “global warming” (or as MTG would call it, “fake science”). It’s not very precise, but “bigger hurricanes” was definitely one of the expected results.

Also “they” is of course pretty much everyone, but mostly capitalists (aka liberals). And conservatives (“conservative liberals?”) like MTG are the most to blame (at least in the US).

[–] blackluster117@possumpat.io 3 points 1 month ago

People always ask who is they, but they never ask how is they. Of course, the answer is also lasers.