this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 63 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I'm going to be a lich.

I get the keep my mind and memories, so I'm not some dumb zombie going babbling "brrrrlll" here and there, seeking brains. I'm fairly powerful so I can pull out my own weight, enough to become the necromancer's right arm. And if it comes to the worst I can always backstab the necromancer and become the boss, as typically lichs have their own necromancy.

[–] Zonetrooper@lemmy.world 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Objectively the best answer. Plus, as long as you hide your phylactery well, there's not much the necromancer can do to keep you in line.

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 14 points 3 months ago

I'd expect my phylactery to be with the necromancer at the start, for exactly this reason. So I think that a lot of my job in my first days [years?] as an undead is to get their trust so I can: replace my phylactery with a copy, hide the original, and proclaim my independence.

[–] DScratch@sh.itjust.works 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)

You know you have to feed a soul to your phylactery like every few days. Who’s gonna get got?

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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[–] holgersson@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Do souls have sizes, like "you need at least the soul of a medium sized dog or pig"?

Because if every soul is worth equally much, just set an anthill on fire and be done for the foreseeable future.

Of course, as your next course of action, you should make up for the damage done to your local eco system, but that should be doable within the powers and lifespan of a lich.

[–] JackFrostNCola@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This EcoLich build definitely sounds like the way to go.

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[–] thelsim@sh.itjust.works 51 points 3 months ago (5 children)

A vampire. Since it’s a necromancer raising me, instead of another vampire, I won’t be enthralled and will have free will.
Then there’s all the wonderful abilities and the fact that I’ll still look good for an undead (it’s a pretty movie vampire, not one of those creepy ones)

[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That appears to send shivers down my spine.

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

That has made me shake and shudder in surprise.

[–] tiefling@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Wasn't that how Mitch McConnell was born?

[–] radix@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)

He's more of a turtle golem.

[–] Rocketpoweredgorilla@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 months ago

He's a master of disguise

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Whatever type Jesus was. Folks seem to like that kind of undead.

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Undead Deity is in fact a great answer to the question.

[–] Canopyflyer@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago (3 children)
[–] Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago
[–] Nibodhika@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Agrajag, is that you?

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[–] emax_gomax@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

So any animal is fair game? In which case, dodo. You MFs ate us into oblivion, I'm gonna come back with species worth of pent up rage and an undead thirst for blood.

Edit: in retrospect I now realise a dodo would be super easy to send back to the underworld :-(. I'm gonna be... checks deadliest thing notes, a car.

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[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 15 points 3 months ago

Lich would be fun

[–] savvywolf@pawb.social 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I know it's probably too on brand, but maybe some kind of monstrous wolf hell beast thing. Maybe with a skull as a head and dripping flesh.

If I'm going to be a mindless killing machine, may as well have some fun with it. Better than being a slow shambling skeleton or zombie at any rate.

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] BattleGrown@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

I'll be that guy, and say abomination. The more twisted the better. Like a mouth in my belly, extra arm on my back kind of twisted. I'll learn to enjoy striking terror in my victims' hearts. Afterlife will be dope.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 11 points 3 months ago

Ghostflame Dragon.

[–] collapse_already@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 months ago

Lich. The power that other famous examples like Darth Cheney and Henry Kissinger had is just too tempting.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Jesus, for sure. Not that he came back.

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[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 3 months ago

Something non-sentient please, I was enjoying nonexistence

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

I'm pretty lazy, so... spectre. Having no body to haul around will make things easier.

[–] ArtVandelay@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If I'm an undead undead, do I get to live?

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[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

If you disregard supernatural powers of undead, it's different depending on who you ask anyway, I'd go with a skeleton.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 months ago
[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Wraith, so that I can go through walls, carry a big-ass scythe, and upgrade from generating Fear to generating Terror, so I can exploit that juicy morale penalty even if the enemy unit is immune to Fear.

[–] weirdbeardgame@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

I'd come back as a wraith, preferably shadow of mordor / war style with domination powers.

Otherwise, a lich assuming I could have lich magic and evolve

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

A capybara in a remote location that won't see human development within my new lifetime. Just chillin' with my interspecies homies.

[–] weirdbeardgame@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Wasn't talking animals. I meant what type of undead would you come back as. xD

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 7 points 3 months ago

An undead capybara in a remote location that won't see human development within my new lifetime. Just chillin' with my interspecies undead homies.

[–] tal@lemmy.today 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

@Vanth@reddthat.com: E.g. zombie capybara, vampiric capybara, spectral capybara, skeletal capybara, etc.

[–] Eiri@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

Ghost. Flying, intangibility, spooky telekinesis ... Sounds great.

[–] mozz@mbin.grits.dev 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The painkiller thing where you can tear off your head and throw it at someone and then still control it well enough to bite them

[–] tal@lemmy.today 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't remember that being in the original Painkiller, though maybe it's just been too long, but are you maybe thinking of a dullahan?

The Dullahan (Irish: Dubhlachan; dúlachán, /ˈduːləˌhɑːn/) is a type of legendary creature in Irish folklore. He is depicted as a headless rider on a black horse, or as a coachman, who carries his own head.

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[–] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 5 points 3 months ago

Darksign'd undead. Sure I'll hollow out eventually, but for now lets do some jolly co-operation.

[–] Banichan@dormi.zone 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What is this? Some kind of druid / necromancer dual class?

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[–] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

I'd go as more-or-less human ala the movie Warm Bodies. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a nice romantic fling!

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