this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] Banichan@dormi.zone 130 points 3 weeks ago (7 children)

Lifelong? You could of set that up at any time!

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 244 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (10 children)

As someone into this, you have to find men who are respectful enough to stop if things are moving too fast or you're not lubed up enough yet, and that's difficult for a bunch of different but interrelated reasons, one of them just being that finding multiple trustworthy people is just statistically less likely than finding one trustworthy person even before you factor in gender dynamics.

I've noticed even the most sexually respectful men have at least a tiny pain kink, even if it's just a little bit of an "oof" or squeak from going in too hard or fast because it makes them feel like their dick is bigger. 90% of the time that's not really a problem (and sometimes you really do just want to get fucking pounded and feel that stretch so it works out for everybody) but a first DP really needs to be taken slow. And that's even just from a logistics standpoint and even if you've practiced with dildos because you can put a dildo at any angle you damn well please but a dick is attached to a wholeass person that has their own comfort needs including what angles can be held and for how long.

So you need to find men you trust enough to not get carried away and be constantly checking in even nonverbally that your body is relaxed and you're not wincing or moaning in the wrong way despite the fact that they're doing this absolutely wild and taboo act and it's hard to find one guy like that, and generally men that care that much about your wellbeing are also the men who are staying around for a long-term relationship, and THOSE men are almost to a man monogamous. So you can almost definitely find one guy that's willing to go slow enough for anal to be enjoyable, or to insert a dildo into your vagina or anus while also fucking you but the guys who are respectful enough for that to actually be enjoyable are rarely the ones who want to share. Last time I was even in a threeway it was the dude that wound up getting doubled so like.

[–] loie@lemmy.world 76 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Did not expect to learn this today.

Or any day really but definitely not today

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 61 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 124 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

A shocking number of women are just absolute fucking freaks once you remove the consequences of being a freak, namely both intentional and unintentional physical injury, but also social consequences and unwanted pregnancy. Because I'm so open about this kind of thing I actually get a lot of women asking for advice on stuff like anal or restraints. Those women are out there, and dare I say even common, they just have to feel safe enough to let that shit out. When you make sure it's completely her choice and she knows you'll do everything in your power to make sure it doesn't hurt and she'll have the utmost privacy and won't be forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy you might be shocked what many women will even ask to do.

TL;DR: all the weird dudes throughout history just running hogwild with rampant control / domination fetishes primarily distributed through religious extremism ruined sex for the rest of you. I was raised by fundies and a buuunch of them are hiding some pretty wild kinks under all that Bible thumping. The dude who was advocating for mutilating baby penises and made most of his money selling breakfast cereal also invented a special chair for blasting several gallons of yogurt up your butt over the course of just a few minutes, and somehow all in the name of sexual purity.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 45 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

No, no I just pretty much ruined sex for me by myself. Thanks for trying to cheer me up though.

[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 61 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Have you tried blasting yogurt up your butt?

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

Not on the first date.

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[–] KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Damn, reading this makes me feel lucky to be part of a kink/sex community that has a lot of respectful guys. I wanna do it but I've not done anal even, so we shall see.

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Reading this just reminds me how vanilla I am. Like, I’ll watch y’all get down for four minutes on video one Tuesday a month, but naaah, I’m good on the actually being there and being a part of it part.

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[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 21 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

It's mostly me cussing out the government for not paying me or my coworkers enough to really provide good mental health care and weird historical and multicultural funeral traditions. Sometimes there's some overlap though, like in some parts of the world its customary to hire strippers for funerals.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Currently smashing that like button

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[–] MTK@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I didn't think pain kink is common. As a guy, if my partner seems in pain I instantly lose half my erection out of worry that I hurt them.

Which is a real problem when your partner's pleasured face is the same as their pained face.

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[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 100 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

It's "could have", amigo. Never, ever "could of"

Wait, unless you want to say "Could 'of' be the word you're looking for?"

Ok in that one case. But that needs the little quote mark thingies. So no, never, ever "could of"

[–] airbreather@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I could of course say this as well. It's clearer with additional punctuation like "I could, of course, [...]", but I don't think the comma-free version is technically incorrect (anymore, if it ever was).

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[–] Rakonat@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago

She's an only fans thot, this is just advertising to her simps

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

that depends on their definition of double penetration

is it two holes at once?

or is it two dicks in one hole?

the latter is significantly more difficult and for a lot of people requires training to do safely

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[–] foggianism@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

She is pondering to her male fanbase. Edit: *pandering

[–] tehmics@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] ComicalMayhem@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

No, she's pondering her male fanbase, the way one ponders orbs

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[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I knocked that out at summer camp of 4th grade. /s

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

You're right. Lemme call some people...

[–] MonkRome@lemmy.world 73 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It looks like this chick shoots porn and is an "influencer". I assume she was just advertising herself. Also she publicly seems to like Andrew Tate, weird. I think she just says what she thinks people want to hear for attention because that's how she makes money.

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[–] Thteven@lemmy.world 64 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

Porn stars should use their platform for progress. I would click twice as fast if a video was titled "DP for universal healthcare" or "gang bang to end the war in Gaza".

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 28 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

During the SOPA act debate years ago, I convinced my sister, who was a porn model from that time, to "censor" the pictures she published on Twitter with a black bar with "STOP SOPA" and to link to a page about it. She actually got a booster because her followers started commenting and discussing about it in her replies.

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[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 52 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 30 points 3 weeks ago

She was getting two vaccinations.

[–] RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works 20 points 3 weeks ago

Damn I could go for both...

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

My lifelong dream is an international workers revolution that results in the liberation of the working class and the complete abolishion of the capitalist class and all forms of government but whatever makes you happy ig

[–] trolololol@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Keep dreaming bro, it's been 2 centuries but it's juuuuuust around the corner

Sarcasm apart, I also defend anarchism by being serious. But can't help the sarcasm part, if I keep it to myself my head will explode.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

it’s been 2 centuries

Glances at the number of revolutionary struggles and the resulting downfall of colonial governments in that time

Not bad, but we can do better.

[–] trolololol@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Cia intensely enters the chat

NSA agents reassigned to new case

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[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

So did it happen? We need updates!

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago

Nope, still no healthcare

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