lady_scarecrow

joined 6 months ago
[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (9 children)

Quickly going through the modlog of that community I've found these three comments that were removed for no other reason than they didn't align with what some mod thinks, along with a lot of people who were banned with the reason "liberal".

I don't even agree with these comments, but that doesn't matter. You're willing to host that community to give them a voice, while the mods stifle dissent and ban anyone who disagrees.

[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 3 months ago (3 children)

The ones who are more on the left are exactly the ones who are less inclined to vote, so yes.

[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 3 months ago (11 children)

I fail to see how that community is pushing back against any system by repeating the same tired talking points that dissuade people from voting.

[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 26 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I don't think there were any bad intentions on OP's end, but the highlighted claim that a person is female and therefore has this or that genitalia is indeed transphobic.

Someone's probably going to show up and say "but it says 'female', not 'woman'!" Well, "female" as an adjective referring to people already means woman. A female doctor is a doctor who is a woman. And "female" as a noun (e.g., "the females") is a terrible way to refer to people, to begin with.

 

I strip by the mirror, and mindlessly stare.
Defenseless -- as always, but now I'm aware.
The wind's never late; I have to keep steady.
    The cold of this world won't wait 'till you're ready.

I run to the shower. My favorite place.
The droplets are warm -- they run through my face,
My shoulders relax, the steam fills the air.
    The cold of this world won't bother me there...

Away from the wind, but not from my brain,
Which echoes my worries wherever I'm in.
Anxiety blossoms, and grows unrestrained.
    The cold of this world is born from within.

At last the world calls. Which facts will unfold?
Which one of my fears reality holds?
I'm not ready.
No one is.
I have to be bold.
    The cold of this world.
    I must face the cold.

 

So, I got fed up with waiting for the review and decided to just upload this book to archive.org.

This is a short-ish (80 pages) novel I wrote some time ago. It's quite different from the poems I've been sharing so far, but I hope you'll enjoy it as well. It was mostly born out of wanting to see more stories of (and by) trans women like me.

The story is called "The witches of Galree" and it's set in medieval times, where a famous sword fighter, who's going through a crisis despite having an objectively good life, meets a group of trans witches who learned how to create a feminizing potion. Our protagonist sees some hope of answering his existential questions by seeking advice with their leader, Julia, a wise but enigmatic woman, who agrees to help while warning that the path of self-discovery is never an easy one.

It should be noted that the characters suffer a fair amount of prejudice in the story, so this is not necessarily an easy read.

 

I cover my face before stepping outside,
And don't say a word, so my voice won't be pried.
I try to blend in, and pray they can't tell
-- As if I'm a thief who escaped from her cell.
My old mask was blue.
    I'm glad that it fell.
My new mask is pink.
    I still need to hide.

From closet to stealth
Does no good to your health.
For people like me, this country looks bleak;
If others could see, they'd just see a freak.
My new mask is pink.
    It does make me think.
My old mask was blue.
    What else could I do?

One day they won't tell just by looking at me,
But that doesn't mean that I'm finally free.
My new mask will then be etched to my face:
They'll give me a past that never took place.
My old mask was blue.
    A terrible guise.
My new mask is pink.
    The mask is in their eyes.

-- Lady Scarecrow

 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/12099240

I can't help but think at night
Of that which never was, but might.

I've faced the demons deep inside
And found the answers that they hide.
But if I'd known it all back then,
Just think how much it could've changed...

It took so long to find the way
That most are trailing every day,
And now they seem so far ahead.
I miss the past I've never had,
Where all I took so long to see
Were always clear, and I'd be free.

How can I catch up with the rest?
How can I make up for the past?
Is it too late to change my fate?
Have I missed the train of luck?
Has life gone by while I was stuck?

-- Lady Scarecrow

 

I can't help but think at night
Of that which never was, but might.

I've faced the demons deep inside
And found the answers that they hide.
But if I'd known it all back then,
Just think how much it could've changed...

It took so long to find the way
That most are trailing every day,
And now they seem so far ahead.
I miss the past I've never had,
Where all I took so long to see
Were always clear, and I'd be free.

How can I catch up with the rest?
How can I make up for the past?
Is it too late to change my fate?
Have I missed the train of luck?
Has life gone by while I was stuck?

-- Lady Scarecrow

[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I remember you shared the letter here. I'm glad to know her initial reaction was good. Things won't always go smoothly between you, but as long as she's trying to understand and support you, it'll be alright. Good luck on your journey!

 

    Question

A question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead
-- Same book, but different cover --
Would you become my lover?
Or would we still be friends?

Now, I ask: don't get me wrong.
I love our friendship, and it's strong.
I love it when I make you smile,
Even for a little while.
I love it when I'm at your side.
Our conversations make my day.
And nothing makes me feel more pride
Than impressing you some way.

Now, I wonder: can you tell?
How you make me feel so well?
That this smile is just for you?
And if you knew, then what you'd do?

Now, I know that you are straight.
And we're both guys, so we won't date.
So a question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead...


Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman, which is why I'm calling myself a guy in there, but I'm absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn't just a matter of a "different cover" -- it's definitely part of the book.

-- Lady Scarecrow

 

I don't know why I keep this mask.
It doesn't fit me -- it never has.
And now I've figured out this mess,
It seems to fit me even less.
I would much rather wear a dress...

But where I'm from, the risk's too high.
When I still look like a guy
(In many ways -- I hate them all),
If I step outside the door
With these clothes that I adore,
What sort of danger would I call?

But I can't waste my life away
And live a lie until the day
I'll get to look a certain way.

In the end, it's up to me
To find the courage that I need
And be the girl I wish to be.

-- Lady Scarecrow

[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Alright, listen.

I understand you're considering starting HRT, and that's a big decision, so it's only natural you have fears and doubts. It's also natural to seek advice and confirmation from people who have already been through this process.

You ask what it was like when we decided to do it. I believe you want to know what it feels like -- what is the feeling we had when we were certain, when we knew for sure that this is what we wanted. Well, allow me tell you.

That feeling doesn't exist.

I also had doubts when I started. But I started anyway, because, given what I knew at the time, I believed it was the right choice. Now I can tell you that starting HRT is the best thing I've ever done -- but this is something I can only tell you in hindsight.

Your post is very similar to several ones I have seen from questioning people asking what it feels like to know you're trans, or what was the moment when you figured it out. They seem to believe they can't act on their feelings until they're 100% sure. They seem to believe there is a magic moment when all doubts disappear. Well, there isn't.

Mind you, I'm not telling you to start right away either -- it's perfectly fine to take your time and think it through. Hell, I'm not even telling you to start at all. You're the only one who can tell if this is right for you. It's a frustrating answer, I know, but it's the only honest one I can give you.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude, but I'm honestly tired of seeing trans people riddled with imposter syndrome, second-guessing every step they take, and holding themselves to an unrealistic standard of being absolutely certain of everything. You will always have doubts. Don't let them paralyze you.

[–] lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

This is pretty good. I do have a few suggestions, but of course, these are only suggestions -- it's your letter, and your mom, after all.

First, I understand that you kept the masculine form of words because you don't want to overwhelm your mom, right? I definitely understand that, but I think it sends a dubious message as well. You're saying you're trans, but you're still referring to yourself with male terms. That could certainly backfire -- at worst, your mom could infer that deep down, you don't really see yourself as a woman after all. Have you considered switching halfway from masculine to feminine words instead? For example, from the "I'm pretty sure I'm transgender" point onward. That really drives the point home of "you've known me as a man up until now, but from now on I want you to treat me as a woman".

Also, at some point you say "I don't know what you've heard about trans people" which leads me to think she might have some misconceptions and prejudice. Many people associate being trans with "moral degradation", so at worst, she might think of your coming out as a sign that you're going to start using drugs and whatnot... It might be a good idea to emphasize that you're still the same person as always, only your gender isn't what they thought.

Having said all that, I hope it goes well for you.

 

    Like a girl

From the beginning, girls and boys
Are raised in wildly different ways:
We're meant to play with different toys,
We're shamed or praised for equal traits.

Though I've been groomed to be a man,
Deep down, our nature can't be changed.
They hope I'm careless and brave,
                and aggressive and bold,
                and well-spoken and suave,
                and detached, even cold.

But I'm sensitive and frail.
I'm not an alpha male.
Whenever I try it, I hopelessly fail.

Girls have plenty they can wear
Cute or stylish -- it's all there!
A fine dress, and heads are turned;
A cute skirt, their frown's adjourned.
The gray manhood can't compare,
And it frankly isn't fair...

I can't think of a plan
For what's bound to unfurl.
They're expecting a man,
Yet I think like a girl.


Note: I've written this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman. I have since learned there's nothing wrong with manhood -- the problem was that I'm not a man, myself.

-- Lady Scarecrow

 

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but here goes.
If I add spaces to the beginning of a line,

the text is rendered like this.

Is there a way to have actual spaces in the beginning of a line?

1
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Do I see myself at all?

Why's this beard so thick and vast
In my image that you cast?
Why's there so much body hair?
And the breasts that I should bear?
And these arms so far from slender?
Where's the sight of my true gender?

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
What I've seen has made me crawl.

All I wish you'd show to me
Is the woman I can't see.
Not the fairest of them all,
For whom anyone would fall,
Nor a pretty one, indeed.
Just a woman's all I plead.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I can't blame you, after all.
You're a physical device
Meant to show what's in their eyes.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.
You can't hear me as I call.
But I'll ask you anyway:
Will you show myself one day?

-- Lady Scarecrow

 

When I was born, so was a ghost.
When anyone would look at me,
It was the ghost they'd really see.

I was a child, and couldn't tell.
I thought I was that ghost as well.
But, slowly, truth would start to show.
And when at last I let them know...

...They turned their heads and sought the ghost.
The ghost was all they wished to see.
The ghost was who they loved the most.
The ghost of who they thought me to be.

It's been so long, and still they yearn
What's only lived inside their minds.
I wonder if they'll ever learn
That while they seek what none can find,
And fail to let me into their hearts,
We both end hurt, and drift apart.

-- Lady Scarecrow

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