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Tucker Carlson claims he was mauled by a demon while asleep, leaving claw marks
(www.the-independent.com)
this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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politics
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I see he's taking a page from Alex Jones's bible.
Anyway, what are the chances that someone's going to come forward that Carlson assaulted them and they fought back? Just asking questions.
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(6 replies)
It's probably your own demons Fucker. They've had enough of your bullshit.
He should keep that between him and his woman. He doesn't need to lie to us. 🤷♂️
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(2 replies)
Jesus Buttfucking Christ these people are nuts.
It is what it is.
But, man, you're never going to get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear; we lie like hell. We'll tell you that, uh, Kojak always gets the killer, or that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker's house, and no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry, just look at your watch; at the end of the hour he's going to win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man! None of it is true! But you people sit there, day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds... We're all you know. You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God's name, you people are the real thing! WE are the illusion! So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the sentence I'm speaking to you now! TURN THEM OFF... [collapses in a prophetic swoon as the audience erupts in thunderous applause]
Howard Beale, Network (1976)
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(2 replies)
sleep paralysis combined with he sleeps with dogs and they have nails. next.
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(1 replies)
Ah shit that's unfortunate. Better luck next time, demon.
Tucker Carlson fights his demons. I would give this show a chance even though I really hate the guy. If he does a whole Spike from Buffy arc... It could work. [Sarcasm]
I bet he tried to fuck one of those dogs and this is his excuse. "Oh no honey I didn't try to fuck the dog again...it was...democr...no wait...demons...yeah it was a demon gang bang and I beat them off."
tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn't think he's getting enough attention lately.
"I swear, babe! I didn't cheat! It was a demon!"
I can't believe this isn't an onion article.
The idea that a demon (or even better, Satan himself) would waste their time scratching random people or possessing them just to make them float over their bed or vomit pea soup has always been amusing to me. That's a super weak "ultimate evil" your religion has, Christians.
If they really wanted to be scary they would amass 99.9% of the worlds wealth amongst 1% of the population and horde it all while killing the planet and bribing politicians in a vein attempt at being happier.