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My mom molested me when I was a child. Not always a man, and fuck that bitch for trying to pretend it’s so.
Yeah, a uni I went to had a sexual assault course everyone had to take, and the thing that stuck out was that the statistics on women were horrible, but the statistics on men being raped was not statistically far behind. It was something awful like three men in a classroom of 30 would have been victims of rape. On average.
The worst part is that a friend of a friend was actually held down and raped in a hotel by three people in the hallway. But he was so scared of being perceived as gay, he refused to talk to the police, his family, or get PEP for possible STD exposure. Men don't feel like they can come forward for male rape because they will be perceived as gay, and they won't report being raped by women because it's seen as being weak. Fucking horrible, and then the rapists get away and continually abuse people until someone finally breaks the chain. :(
Since you are in a thread that's about a women who has been victimized for 10 years by her own husband who she trusted and believed loved her, and raped by 50 plus men at his hand, I want to say, that many, many females also don't come forward because they know they won't be believed. They will also be perceived as weak, or whatever excuse rape apologists give. They asked for it. They dressed like a slut. They were walking too late at night alone. They drank too much and passed out which made them fair game.
It happened to my sister, my brother, my mother, my friends, it's happened to me, it's happened to about 13 other females off the top of my head that I know throughout my life.
It isn't only because a male will be perceived as gay that they don't come forward. That's a byproduct of homophobia. They don't come forward for many of the same reasons females don't come forward. They believe it's their fault., and they don't think other people will believe them. And also possibly they want to try to forget it ever happened, because it's so traumatic.
It's because other people don't want to see the truth, and that truth is that human beings are for the most part garbage. We want to pretend this awful crap doesn't happen on a regular basis but it does. It's not an outlier or abnormal, it's a fact of life for nearly most women and some men. It would be nice if no one could experience this.
Its a shame an obviously inflammatory sign and clickbait seeking article image has made it so that the discussion is mostly off topic.
Its insane and the whole evil piece of shit that perpetrated his kink of having multiple people raped by omission and literal drugging and rape gets away from conversations by the obvious bullshit of absolutes is insane to me. how about no victim blaming on either side and recognition that rape is awful abuse of power dynamics that occur whenever its viewed as possible.
But also this post should probably be removed because that sign is meant to cause this kinda of angry response and it leads into a lot of hurt victims and happily ignorant people hand waving it away.
Imagine being the victim of a female pedophile and seeing that sign
not all men but always a man
Pointless sexist bullshit and wrong on its face. I never understood the drive some people have to paint abusive behavior as exclusive to men.
Exactly. If anything, signs like these drag the attention away from the actual issue.
I mean this thread is a good example of that and why such signs are bad
I don't like that sign. Sure, when she gets raped it's probably a man but every time it's happened to me so far it has been a woman, so, no not "always a man."
"Good" news is that while I was forced to have sex (or else what was I gonna do fight her? Yeah that won't end with me in cuffs) it isn't rape because definitionally the worst women can do in my area is sexual assault, and people only care if you're a minor, just try and report it as an adult. Most people just think "oh you're a man you must've liked it" and just minimize it away because we're just sex objects so who fucking cares, I just had to get the fuck over it and I did, but it still pisses me off that I'm literally the victim of this shit and treated like a perpetrator by default just because I happen to have a penis, it's the ultimate "fuck you" on top really.
As a male SA victim I have been repeatedly told that it was my fault for having the privilege. So I guess “you’re welcome” to both of us.
Came here to see discussions about the truly insane case mentioned in the article. Actually found an entire comment section full of 'not all men' vs 'basically all men' threads
imagine taking this story, about where a woman was systematically drugged and raped for OVER 10 YEARS, and going "ah yes but what about the men?!?". I truly feel for the men in the comments sharing their stories, and I hope they continue to share and raise awareness, but Jesus y'all not the time
Let me ask you a question.
If this were about a gang of black people committing some crime, and as a protest someone was carrying a sign that said "not all black people, but always a black person" would you be telling people it's "not the time" to point out the obvious and blatant racism?
Take your own fucking advice. If men talking about their own rapes triggers you so, then you are the same crap you are crying about. You are sexist beyond belief.
It's never the fucking time for male abuse victims to speak up and tell their stories, we're always told to shut up and deal with it.
I’s never the fucking time for male abuse victims to speak up and tell their stories
It's never time to break the status quo, even if it means liberation for those considered in minority groups (in this case people assaulted by women vs people assaulted by men). I'm paraphrasing a MLK article passed around a few weeks ago.
In his letter sent from jail, King went on to criticize white moderates. He said that a white moderate is someone “who constantly says: ‘I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action’; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom.” Such a person is, according to King, someone “who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a ‘more convenient season.’”
I was molested by a woman as a child. That sign just makes me see red, I'm sorry if my trauma and triggers are inconveniently timed for you
Yeah exactly. I'm a man who was assaulted as a kid by a woman. Shit happens. But looking at what shit happens most often - it's sexual violence perpetrated by men against women.
I don't know how we change that. Maybe by continuing to level up the power dynamic between men and women, I feel like we've been making some progress with that over the past century. Finally. But it's more than that, there are too many idiot arseholes who think they can have anything their fists can beat down. Almost all of them are men.
Pretty much every girlfriend and female friend I've ever had has had bad experiences with men. Women I have cared about over the years have had experiences across the spectrum from cat calling and comments back when they were kids in school uniforms all the way through to stranger rape. Domestic violence isn't uncommon either.
I dunno, I wish I had a solution. It fuckin breaks my heart - when a close friend or a partner opens up about what happened to her and there's nothing you can do, it's years too late, you have these thoughts like if I'd been there I could have stopped it- but it happened years ago and you are fuckin helpless to do anything except maybe hug her if she's comfortable with that, or if not try to tell her it's over, she's safe and stronger now, whatever you think might help.
You don't realise how harmful sexual assault is until you've been unable to help someone you love. The key word isn't 'sexual', it's 'assault'.
Shit like that makes me fuckin ashamed to be a bloke. I don't know how we fix this, but I've got two suggestions for a good start - firstly, we don't do that shit. Never, there's never an excuse. Secondly, we fuckin shut down other guys, even if they're our mates, if they start with that sort of talk.
Yeah, there's wrong uns in whatever gender. But in terms of atrocity it's us men well in the lead. We gotta change that. I think we can at least fuckin try.
'Not all men but always a man' seems to marginalise victims of female rapists, which do exist.
Otherwise, I'm absolutely in favour of rehabilitation, and if necessary, isolation of rapists - of all genders. I hope the court/government can be made to agree
Terrible fucking sign and tone deaf af
Ok, wow, this is a fucked up thread.
I just came here to say "More power to her!", she's setting an incredible example and we need to turn back the misogyny and just general sexual violence that we've had in society since time immemorial.
50 codefendants in a case against one woman? How horrific.
Thank you to the French women doing this. However, since this is France, my biggest worry is this will be shot down with a big red flag/note saying:
How can we fix this when the government keeps protecting the real rapists: minorities
My heart breaks for her. I'm glad she gets to see the support of those around her while going through this. And Jesus fuck, how can you even do that to someone? I just cannot wrap my mind of being able to hurt someone like that, and then to keep doing that, and just go on living life. I'm not religious, but I hope that man burns in hell.
Husband aside, that's 50 separate people who thought this was okay. Ffs
I think I would have more sympathy with those focusing on the "not all men but always a man" sign if this weren't in the context of a woman being drugged by her husband and then said husband inviting about 50 random men to rape her, over 10 years.
One of the worst times to advocate for men's rights/issues is when everyone is talking about the heinous crimes a bunch of men have done. Especially if the comments you're leaving are focusing on how women rape just as much as men do, etc.
I agree with you. Yes, this is not the time nor the place to go full on men's rights activism, 100% correct.
But if someone tells a rape victim his experience does not account because he part of the 4%, then nobody won anything at all, and I will speak my mind about such a heinous statement, the same way I will speak my mind about any one telling Woman shit like "It happened bc you dressed so seductive", "You sure he heard you saying No?"etc etc. .
One of the worst times to advocate for men's rights/issues is when everyone is talking about the heinous crimes a bunch of men have done. Especially if the comments you're leaving are focusing on how women rape just as much as men do, etc.
Agreed. Unfortunately there's always gonna be a whataboutism as long as men feel unheard...
People can lose empathy when they think the world is ignoring them. It's taken me years to move on from people telling me to "man up" or "get over it" about my SA.
I find it incredibly interesting that male victims are exclusively brought up in conversations about female victims, just as hate crimes against white people are exclusively brought up in conversations about hate crimes against African Americans, or how hate crimes against Christians are exclusively brought up in conversations about hate crimes against Jews and Muslims. If you use the pain of a group as a form of whataboutism then fundementally you do not care about their suffering, what you are doing is creating a competition that nobody will win. After you're finished using your group against another group do you truly care about them? I see many people here talking about male victims but how many people here support movements like mens liberation?
Instead of thinking of it as competition, think of it as people simply reminding others that "all rape is bad" or "all hate crimes are bad".
Thats like saying all lives matter specifically after an African American gets brutally killed by a cop. Obviously all lives matter but its simply not the time nor place when the conversation was about hate crime against African Americans. In this case its absolutely distasteful to say "all rape is bad" when the topic is specifically about a female victim and a male perpetrator.
For an exercise, check out other articles posted about Gisele's case, and look for comments about male victims. Most people just post in support of her, or in hatred of her abusers.
The reason why this conversation exploded on the topic was the picture chosen for it. It is meant to be divisive, drive engagement and thus, ad revenue.
We're all being farmed for engagement, which takes away from what is important, seeking justice without looking at genders.
That picture is very triggering to the many, many victims of rape with female perpetrators, especially if the victims are male, hence the outrage.
Yeah it's our fault we're upset about being lumped in with the "always men" abusers crowd while our rapists are lauded as "never abusers" on signage like this. How dare we be so uppity to engage our anger with that sign directly.
I'm literally in here saying "that sign is a lie and it makes me angry, as a male victim of woman rapists," we can talk about "stop raping men too" and "charge women for rape not just 'sexual assault' when they compel sex" later, right now we're talking about "don't erase us with signs like these, please fucking include us in the movement" and we probably won't stop doing that until it happens. Why must there be "I don't care about male victims" and "I don't care about woman victims" groups? Can't we just join forces as victims vs abuse?