this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2024
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Who you are vs. Who you like? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by Semivir@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone
8 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

There have been similar posts in the past and you all might be tired of commenting on them, but I'm really curious what it's like for others. So here I am posting my own question thread.

Given that our core identities are defined by lots of different quirks, gender, romance, sexuality, platonic affinity being some of them. I am curious to know what aspects all of you measure yourself by and how you place yourselves within the bigger picture. Especially hoping for some wholesome takes that may help someone else feel more comfortable with themselves, should they adopt the way of thinking.

I'll share my own take: Gender identity

  • Masculine-feminine spectrum: Definitely more comfortable with feminine side.
  • Fluidity: experiencing some, not sure if that is because of uncertainty or inherent.
  • Intensity flux: also experiencing some, some days are just a little extra "I want to be a girl"-days.
  • Overall: unsure about where that leaves me, status quo (I'm just me) is fine for now.

Attraction to others

  • Sexuality: Definitely bisexual, trans-inclusive (who would have guessed).
  • Romantic...ality?: Vastly different from sexuality, mostly romantically interested in women (cis or trans), i'd say biromantic with a 90% bias. Any men I've had romantic interest in shared some feminine traits, so 'femromantic'? Is that a thing?

Social traits

  • Platonic affinity: Find myself feeling most comfortable around women. As long as I can remember I've always been one of the girls and some interactions with men actually confirm that I'm absolutely nothing like the average dude.
  • General sensitivity: Without a doubt HSP, even though others usually can't tell (which gets me in trouble).
  • Social tolerance: Intuitively introverted, though have become more outgoing lately, so not strictly introverted.

Obviously these are just some examples of things we can measure ourselves by, curious to see which ones you will add or remove and why. And it goes without saying: Only share what you're comfortable sharing.

TL;DR: I'm a huge nerd and have reduced myself to an n-dimensional vector, and I'm asking you to do the same and maybe add some dimensions you know of.

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[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Aha, I'm not crazy for framing gender as a vector space!

[–] Semivir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

As a model for infinitely unique human characteristics that can be plotted along several different dimensions, the vector representation makes a lot of sense.

But as with anything that models reality, some of the nuance is lost because we can't feasibly infinitely detail the model for it to still be a useful representation.

So no, you're not crazy for framing gender as a vector space, you're just a huge nerd. 😇

(Edit: Now complete the assignment! [glares at you from a distance])

[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Idk what defines me, society is weird (I'm autistic). But I do have some descriptive words I use to quickly inform others about myself, such as bisexual and homoromantic. I feel a little awkward talking about that kind of thing though because I feel like people put me into discrete boxes rather than plot me as an n-ball (or higher-dimensional ellipse?) of uncertainty inside this vector space.

Also, neeeeeeerd! :3

[–] Semivir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 months ago

Nah, society is just a bunch of idiots smashing rocks together, and we all stare at the ones with the biggest or the shiniest rocks. That does not mean your enjoyment of playing with sticks is invalid.

And this is in no way an attempt to put people into discrete boxes. The body might fit for most, but then there's the pesky tail that sticks out. It's those quirks that make us unique that I'm after here, and testing the limits of your model is one way to do it.

The beauy of n-dimensional space is that you can just add dimensions if you feel like you're being projected into lower-dimensional space and details get lost in translation.

But there's also the thing where the act of taking a measurement affects the thing being measured, so "n-ball of uncertainty" is perfectly fine!

[–] -Emma-@fedia.io 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I read the title like the ad for OS1 in the movie Her:

Who are you? Where are you going?

You really need to see Her if you haven't yet. Like seriously.

Anyway, here's some stuff:

Gender identity
  • Gender Spectrum: Feminine Trans Girl
Attraction to others

  • Sexuality: Yes lol. Maybe bisexual? idk

  • Romantic...ality?: idk...

Social traits
  • Platonic affinity: I could use some girl friends irl, or just friends in general.
[–] Semivir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I do admit, the title is actually kinda clickbaity in hindsight. Probably could've done better.

You really need to see Her if you haven't yet. Like seriously.

Went to IMDB to look it up and the front page featured a spotlight of the new Joker movie (starring... you guessed it!). Movie seems interesting, definitely going to watch sometime soon!

  • Sexuality: Yes lol.

Sometimes less is more. xD

I could use some girl friends irl, or just friends in general.

Yeah, no harm in making some friends. Issue is just "where do you start?", dream is to be magically adopted into a nice friend group, but things just don't work like that usually. Or at least they don't when you're sober.

Hypothetically, if you had unlimited options with infinite success rates, what kind of friends would you add to your social circle first? Girl friends, guy friends, trans friends, enby friends, neurodivergent friends, nerd friends, or any other brand of friends I haven't listed?

Would definitely offer you my friendship application! If you feel like chatting, DM me and I'll send you my matrix details.

[–] -Emma-@fedia.io 0 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Sometimes less is more. xD

I was gonna put more details there, but idk. I guess I felt weird detailing my sexuality (and sexual frustrations) on someone else's post when I had already expressed it in a meme. Not sure if you saw the meme though. I posted a censored version in the !transmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone and !traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@lemmy.ca communities.

Hypothetically, if you had unlimited options with infinite success rates, what kind of friends would you add to your social circle first?

I really want to have girl and trans girl friends irl. I want to be around fem people that can maybe help me with girl stuff like fashion, and trans girl stuff like passing. So in the hypothetical, I'd probably want trans girl friends first.

Also, I don't really have a social circle anymore. I have floated from/to different friend groups over the years. But I was severely addicted to drugs for a while, and those friends weren't the best. I cut ties to two out of three of the last "friends" some time before the pandemic. The last friend was and is a good person, but we drifted apart.

Would definitely offer you my friendship application! If you feel like chatting, DM me and I'll send you my matrix details.

Application approved! lol Since Mbin users can't currently DM Lemmy users, I sent you my matrix ID using my recently created lemmy.ca account.

[–] Semivir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 3 months ago

Not sure if you saw the meme though.

Yeah I definitely saw the meme alright. From within my little bubble... while riding public transport. I had to contain my laughter so hard it hurt. The censorship just made it even better. Also definitely a mood I'm not unfamiliar with.

I really want to have girl and trans girl friends irl. I want to be around fem people that can maybe help me with girl stuff like fashion, and trans girl stuff like passing. So in the hypothetical, I'd probably want trans girl friends first.

Yeah I definitely get that. I feel like making trans girl friends is the safest way to get into that stuff because at the very least you're sure they won't have a wildly unpredictable reaction to the "hey, BTW I'm trans" revelation (depending on where you are with respect to transitioning of course). I definitely feel like I could use some real life trans girl friends, even if it were just to express myself more freely like I do on here. The big issue is actually finding them when you're not ready to commit to something like going to local support groups.

So sorry to hear about your social circle breaking down. Sounds like it is for the best though, and I'm willing to bet any new friends you'll gain will probably be better for you in the long run. I've been through a similar situation where I've pretty much not retained any friendships growing up. Every friend I've made since has been great so far, even though I still don't maintain many friendships. Bottom line is there's always hope, just gotta find the right people.