this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
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submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
 

A quick TLDR of the comment section:

top 50 comments
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[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 242 points 3 months ago (31 children)

I mean it’s actually an interesting point though?

Men should be loved and cared for in a relationship too, not treated like shit by default.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 86 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I hope you aren't treated like shit by default.

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 15 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I’m not by my partner. Never have been, that’s why I love her, she’s always been kind.

But she also carries some distrust and resentment towards mean-justifiably given trauma-that is sometimes directed at me, inadvertently I think. Which sucks and doesn’t make me feel great, but it also makes sense from her perspective and she’s not got an issue with me

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[–] TheSambassador@lemmy.world 37 points 3 months ago

Isn't that the status quo? I guess it's not really fathers to daughters, but most women I know went through some amount of "here's how to be a good wife" lessons from their mothers or family. I think women get a lot of "traditional gender roles" training that's mostly about being caretakers.

Usually people putting forth this kinda "women should learn how to care for their man" attitude are coming from a conservative "traditional family values" position.

Really, we should be teaching people how to ask about and learn the needs of their partner, and how to determine your own needs and communicate those to your partner. Basic emotional intelligence stuff. It doesn't have to be gendered at all.

[–] Voyajer@lemmy.world 33 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's what I thought the comments would be about but apparently he should just get called creepy instead.

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Sir, this is a shit posting community.

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[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 159 points 3 months ago (3 children)

The guy probably meant this in a misogininstic way but theres a reason why theres a male mental health crisis... not only are other people not taught how to treat men, men themselves dont know either

[–] Veneroso@lemmy.world 46 points 3 months ago (2 children)

This. So many of our problems would be solved by saying that we love our sons and that we're proud of them.

Two things that I never heard from my Dad.

And he never heard them from his.

I don't fucking care. You find your son right now, look him in the eyes, tell him that you love him, and that you are proud of him.

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[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago

The day I realized that we don't even know how to treat each other was a wild day for me. My friend group has been complimenting and building up each other for a while now. It's amazing the change you'll see just by having one dude say to another, "Hey, nice shirt my guy!" or something similar.

We opened for a national band tonight so a bunch of my friends were there. After having done this for a few years then reading this thread, I'm amazed to see just how much positive masculinity we had going on. There were compliments, talking up guys to others outside of just being a wingman (there was at least one case of being a wingman, too), lots of bro hugs, and a lot of genuinely happy guys.

It's a hard thing to get going, but I'm glad we started doing it.

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[–] bluefrog420@lemmy.world 125 points 3 months ago (5 children)

All people should be taught how to treat others regardless of their gender.

[–] crapwittyname@lemm.ee 22 points 3 months ago

More than that, people need to learn to read men. "Yeah I'm fine, don't worry" is often a very quiet cry for help from a gender which is traditionally taught to show only strength and permanence and to never show outward signs of "weakness".
It's nothing short of traumatic, the upbringing where you don't get to cry.
TL:DR Fuck the patriarchy

[–] Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world 14 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I've given my kids tasers and shown them your comment. That should do it /s

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[–] gnygnygny@lemm.ee 89 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Violent and stupid response. Not even funny.

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[–] AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 89 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

"A nonzero amount of women have a tendency to demand respect and support from their partner but not give any in return, and some women actually need to be taught that relationships are a two way street, so make sure your daughters know that because not all of them will" -- person who's been burned a lot

"Anyone who says that is probably a predator" -- OP for some god damn reason

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[–] FiniteBanjo@lemmy.today 63 points 3 months ago (12 children)

Is the top guy somebody we should know or is he just creepy because of what he said? I do think it's important to know how to deal with the opposite sex regardless of gender, personally, I would never just throw a child into the world to figure it out, and teaching wariness is just a part of that.

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 93 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Taken out of twitter context, his message is actually completely valid imo. Everyone should learn how to treat everyone with respect.

[–] Shiggles@sh.itjust.works 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Instead we chuckle at a message of violence and wonder why people get radicalized.

[–] FiniteBanjo@lemmy.today 12 points 3 months ago

We don't, but that sounds like a lot of instances yeah. Especially Hexbear and other state run instances who are trying to intentionally radicalize the naive.

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[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 42 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

He's a verified twitter user. I think that says enough.

[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago

Unironically can't believe people are paying to tell on themselves these days

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[–] sroos@lemm.ee 59 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

As a father to two girls: When and if it comes to them dating boys (or girls for that matter), yes I'm going to give them some pointers. Like:
Ask them what they want! Everyone's different.
Be nice to them and expect them to be nice to you.
Talk to them and expect them to talk to you (at least a little bit; everyone's different).
If you love them, let them know you do.

(And if they don't reciprocate, you can always come back home and regroup.)

(edited for formatting)

[–] p5yk0t1km1r4ge@lemmy.world 52 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (6 children)

I mean it is weird that society expects men to treat women a certain, positive way (which I'm on board with) while basically saying woman can treat men however they want tbh. Men can be victims too but nobody gives a fuck. This response is absolute garbage.

Bottom line: men and woman need to treat each other with respect and dignity.

Edit: nice kool aid man meme bro. Stay mad.

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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 47 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I feel like society kind of does that for them? Not 100%, but most women's magazine have a "how to please your man" section. Grooming for women is usually around looking young and pretty and feminine to men, hiding things or pushing/squeezing things for the best shape. While men's story tend to be about self discovery, women's media (until recently) was not telling women same message. Media for awhile was heavily focused on women being content as home makers. You gotta learn how to look to get a man after all and then have to do the house making to keep them. Keep yourself young and pretty so he doesn't get a new model! You don't like giving head? Or having men cum on your face? Oh, sorry, 90% of sexual media is geared towards men and their desires, and if you wanna keep him, you need to perform. Hell, some men don't even think women can get pleasure from sex. Advertisements were geared towards being a "Good wife," not a happy woman (unless you're chuffed at being a wife). We have recent comics/memes about this. We laugh at them ("I was a scientist" VS "I raised 5 (all male) scientists"), but that's in certain circles, these were not created to be jokes. There's not as much as the reverse baked into society. Men didn't have to learn how to treat a woman for, like, the bulk of our history. I think there's a lot of focus on men attracting women (and extreme pressure on them to be the main providers), but not necessarily how to treat them. Women tend to do that with sons because, until fairly recently, no one gave a shit if you beat your family every night, rape within marriage was perfectly legal. Women couldn't get a bank account without a man's permission. In some countries women can't leave the house without a man period. Society was teaching men that women were property, and it was usually only the mom in the man's life that could say, "Hey kiddo, when you get a wife please don't beat her." if she wasn't the kind of woman to say you should beat her.

This is not to say men don't also suffer. Toxic masculinity has made a place where men have power, but lack the freedom to be vulnerable. Their mental health isn't taken seriously because "men don't cry." Men don't get "hurt," men don't get sad, lonely unless you're "weak." Don't cry, because you'll be told to "get a tampon." Women who drank the kool-aid uphold this as well. Even toxic spaces that some men make for themselves (manosphere) are incredibly harmful to the men they say they're there to uplift. All they focus on is how to get women, how to "catch one" with the bait usually a man's wealth, or apperence. They don't talk about how to find a loving partner, how men can look out for abuse, how men can protect themselves. Those men say women have until 25, they're the gate keepers of "sex." They make it seem like men and women are diametrically opposed ~~foes~~ . I think there's a huge lack in actual helpful male focused media. Like, I say the manosphere is awful, but I don't readily know another space that could help men with their issues in less toxic ways. How many men have heard "just be yourself" or "work out" to solve their problems? When that's all you hear, someone telling you something is better than nothing.

TL;DR: I think men have the inverse problem. Women tend to have to be their own advocate for their treatment, but get the freedom to be cared for, heard, and have their mental health taken seriously. Men have the "power," but not the freedom of expression, but a lot of that is the result of a society they created. It's not so much "fathers need to teach their daughters how to treat men" (because I don't think men are taught to even let women know that they have feelings, let alone telling their daughters), it's that we need to allow men to be vulnerable and have people be supportive of them. We all teased the men for their alpha boot camps. Like women's retreats aren't weird either? I specifically remember a video of a man going "I am a man" while pushing some barrier and then crying in the man's arms. He was ridiculed (and I was laughing too, I'm not innocent). Why? Why was that funny. He didn't fall or do something dumb. He went to a program to find himself in some way, broke through a little, and was punished for it. Walz's son is currently being hsrrased for crying by both men and women. What man wants to "feel" in that environment?

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[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 34 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)
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[–] don@lemm.ee 28 points 3 months ago

The reply speaks more loudly than the original comment.

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