this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 116 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 30 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 6 points 3 weeks ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] LordTrychon@startrek.website 3 points 3 weeks ago
  • base10, provably
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[–] SidewaysHighways@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

Verdun here

[–] Bertuccio@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 60 points 3 weeks ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 50 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 30 points 3 weeks ago

The audience always wants more

[–] snekerpimp@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] ToffeeIsForClosers@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] RarePossum@programming.dev 8 points 3 weeks ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

[–] Kuma@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago

Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)

[–] Dalvoron@lemm.ee 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

[–] bitwaba@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

[–] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

But a comma goes before the pause.

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

yeah doesn't even work with the classic joke format, in which the words switch places. I'm sure the joke should actually be:

one has claws at the end of its paws, one denotes a pause at the end of a clause.

[–] Dalvoron@lemm.ee 2 points 3 weeks ago

Yes I did mix up the order of the words cause of poor sleep. Thanks for correcting

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] spaceguy5234@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 15 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 3 points 3 weeks ago
[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I always thought that joke needs an actual pun in the first half so the "no pun intended" has a valid double meaning. I came up with:

I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise its spirits. No pun intendid.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's word play.

No pun intended.
"No pun in ten did [win the contest]"

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[–] cpw@lemmy.ca 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

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[–] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 3 weeks ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] 4am@lemm.ee 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] egerlach@lemmy.ca 41 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

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[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] Carbonizer@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] drphungky@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] dumbass@leminal.space 6 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 3 weeks ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

[–] Crumbgrabber@lemm.ee 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Kalkaline@leminal.space 7 points 3 weeks ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago
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