this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2024
232 points (97.5% liked)

Not The Onion

11812 readers
591 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 29 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world 111 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

So apparently the "candies" were literally just solid meth tablets.

I have a feeling some smuggler is getting their limbs chopped off right about now for losing their load.

[–] JoShmoe@ani.social 23 points 4 weeks ago

They panini’ed his balls

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 15 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I hate it when I lose my load

[–] Senseless 9 points 4 weeks ago

I love it when I lose my load Ü

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 70 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

This headline.. its almost as if its implying that its only a problem because they used a "potentially lethal" amount. Like if they had just a more reasonable amount, it wouldn't be an issue.

[–] MTK@lemmy.world 10 points 4 weeks ago

Food & drugs bank, sounds cool

[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 48 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Hypothetically speaking, how might one be able to get their hands on this candy?

I need it for my... ADHD

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech 30 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (2 children)

street value of USD 608 per candy

Good luck getting the real thing. I could buy some normal candy and a roll of food-safe paper, and sell it for hundreds of dollars. Or add cyanide too, just to ensure the customer won't complain when it doesn't get them high.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 11 points 4 weeks ago

That's a big damn piece of candy

Street price in NZ would be a lot higher than elsewhere. Same goes for Australia

[–] sexy_peach 13 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)
[–] Icalasari@fedia.io 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Although the ADHD joke is spot on - ADHD gets treated with amphetamines, and straight up meth is used for the most severe cases (I myself am on dextroamphetamine for my ADHD)

[–] deuleb_biezelbob@programming.dev 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

methamphetamine is neurotoxic and not used medically, except the levo isomer in some cough/congestion formulas

[–] canihasaccount@lemmy.world 4 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Desoxyn would like a word.

Edit to add: more commonly prescribed amphetamines are neurotoxic, too. Whether they are neurotoxic at clinical doses is still debated.

[–] deuleb_biezelbob@programming.dev 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

a-pvp would like to know your location

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 4 weeks ago

Aptly named.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 4 weeks ago

Meth is alright. I don’t like it as much as adderall.

Fent is the worst drug.

[–] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 7 points 4 weeks ago

Piggybacking on this. Asking for a friend...

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 37 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Goddammit you just “proved” all of the pearl clutching Halloween-terrified parents right who obsessively dug through their kids’ candy after trick or treating because they just knew that everyone was giving out drugs and needles. Now they will feel even more justified in their stupid quest.

Was that just my mom?

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

It wasn't just your mom, and they knew that shit was fake when they did it. They were using it as an excuse to take your best candy for themselves.

She actually never took any candy, it just wasn’t her thing. She’s always been a very scared and paranoid person who honestly believed any moral panic/hoax that she either saw on TV, heard from a friend, or got in a 2000’s style chain email forward.

My entire childhood was a constant stream of “no you can’t do that because it’s dangerous because I heard that….” that people were hiding in the parking lot of Wal-Marts all across the country with a bottle of “perfume” that they would jump out and spray you with. But really it was some chemical that would make you pass out, so then they could kidnap you and rape you.

I am not making that up and she was still saying it around 10 years ago, when I was like yeah we need to maybe not talk/visit as much.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 32 points 4 weeks ago

creative way to eliminate hunger

[–] rimu@piefed.social 21 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Decades of failed government response have left us in a situation where meth is so prevalent they're giving it away.

[–] zabadoh@ani.social 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] rimu@piefed.social 1 points 4 weeks ago

NZ isn't all alps, forests, lakes and cows, that's for sure

[–] ThePantser@lemmy.world 17 points 4 weeks ago

I need to get to NZ, their candies are lit!

[–] HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 weeks ago

Good LORD I wish I was in New Zealand right now

[–] Henry@lemmy.zip 0 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

LOL, NZ food bank know well about their main audience ;)

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Just stop dude. Go back to 4chan, no one likes your racist and toxic comments.