I had to say goodbye to my 18/19 year old kitty last week, and I'm trying to get back to my life and things as normal but I just want to stare at my phone or play video games. I have Responsibilities and I can see them sliding. I'm trying to be gentle with myself, but little voice inside is saying "do better!" while another is like "can't you just have a week?" Would love to delegate said Responsiblities but not an option unfortunately.
this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2025
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WomensStuff
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Oh nefara that's so sad! They were a part of your life for so long, and treasured. It's awful that you had to say goodbye and of course you're struggling. It's a form of bereavement and you're allowed to be impacted by it. Do you have much support?
Thank you, I appreciate that. I have emotional support but not "practical" support, if that makes sense. Lots of sympathetic people but no one who can take over doing the things that need to get done unfortunately. So I'm struggling to keep the balls in the air while also understanding I need time.
Yep it's hard mate, I get that. We're here if you need to talk at any point
I notice men are having a hard time knowing they aren't supposed to comment here - I wonder if the sidebar language is ambiguous. I know it says "Women only", I wonder if something more explicit might help?
e.g.
Rules:
- only women are allowed to post & comment (trans women are included)
It's possible this wouldn't help at all, but it might be easier to scan and be more explicit in case someone does notice the sidebar?
Guess I wanted to see what others thought.
I often browse Lemmy by All, and can end up commenting on a post without realizing which community it's in, let alone actually navigating to the community and checking their rules. I don't think it's a practical rule, and I abide by the community's decision, but I wouldn't personally have a problem with men posting here in general. Might be easier to have specific posts that are women only so it's written right there in the post. I think the only alternative is to create a bot with an automatic reminder on each post.
I get that totally. On the whole people want it to be women only, and the last few days have shown there's sadly a chunk of lemmy men that want to troll and cause issues. If we allow men it'll be hard to stop the trolls and moderation problems will soar. The bots a great idea how do I create it?
Unfortunately, I know absolutely nothing about how bots work.
Haha me neither
On the one hand, I am like you and don't have a problem with men posting in general.
On the other hand, I love the way the rule actually creates a sense of a women's community here, even as a lot of men continue to participate. I like feeling like I can assume the person I'm talking to is a woman too.
Yep I've noticed that. Funnily enough lots of the ones that don't realise are hostile, which is a huge coincidence 🙄 . I've added it more visibly on the rules hopefully that helps.
I think that unfortunately no amount of tweaking the sidebar or rules will help. People who come here and don't realise the rules are probably jumping straight into individual threads from c/all and reacting without ever even visiting the front page of this community. You would hope that the fact the community is literally called "Women's Stuff" would be enough to make these people reconsider jumping in to attack but here we are. I have a feeling that this is what every women-centric community has had to face on this platform so far.
Personally, it's something that makes me still feel hesitant about chipping in with anything here, even though you've said non-binary people are welcome. Because there's already enough people invading here and warping the purpose of this community, and it's still early days with not enough activity from women yet as it is.
You've got something good going here though. And something that Lemmy needs. So I hope that you keep fighting off the riff raff and building this place up. Even just as a lurker, thank you for this space where I can read some good conversations with healthy insights (and pick up tips on dealing with sunscreen woes lol). It is highly appreciated.
Yep the name is a clue! They're usually drawn to the feminist posts as well which is no surprise. We've been unlucky the last few days we've had a few anti feminist men, but usually we've been fine.
I respect your decision to not post, but don't ever forget non binary are 10000% welcome 🏳️🌈🌈🏳️🌈
Thank you. Your acceptance really does mean a lot 💜 Don't let anyone make you think you're any less than an awesome person because it would be lies.
And yeah, at least it doesn't seem to be a constant problem in every thread. There definitely has been a noticeable little wave of it in the last couple of days though. Maybe that's a good sign in a way though. Means that the community is picking up steam and showing up in c/all more often. I just hope it doesn't become too much.
Me too! We're all on top of it though, so hopefully we'll be ok. And that's really kind thanks ❤️
I personally have experience moderating a community designed for one specific group of people. My advice is use heavy handed moderation, some people may call you a tyrant or a mod abuser but thats whats needed to keep a community like this clean from those who would rather speak over the memebers.
That's a good tip and yep, I'm ban heavy. They can downvote me and say what they want, but I'm NOT allowing misogynistic shit to harm members.
What are you guys reading/watching/listening to this week?
Reading the planetfall series. It's weird. I like it!
I'll have to check it out. Weird is good. Is it an easy read?
I think so. There aren't a thousand characters and points of views and locations and stuff. It's quick and interesting. Apparently can be read in any order but I'm just starting at 1
Just finished Twilight last week and now nearly half way through New Moon. I'm pleasantly surprised at how good they are so far. Not great, but good enough to pass the time. I might skip book 3 though as I heard there's some harsh stuff in it...
I'm hoping this gets me back into reading again.
I often pair up audio books with traditional reading so that I can hold my attention better. Sometimes I do both, and sometimes I'll listen while I drive or walk, and read when Im going to bed.
I'm floundering trying to find something that holds my attention so I can stop doon scrolling🤣
I was reading The Grace of Kings, Dandelion Dynasty Book 1 but I've put it down for a few weeks now. My attention span just isn't ready for this right now. Its a cool sounding story, I might try again soon.
The Adventure Zone - Graduation is a DnD live play podcast from the McElroy family. I like their goofs. It was probably 2020 when I last listened to one of their story Arcs. If you Google reviews, a lot of people are kinda hard on this one, but im enjoying it enough.
I'm trying to replace doom scrolling with doom listening, so I can walk and get in some cardio so I'm ready for the apocalypse.
- Some More News: digestible news and funny
- The Man Who Calculated Death: long form investigation podcast on Robert Lusser put together by his descendents grappling with their family's history. Very "Serial" vibes.
That book looks solid! Doom listening is a good idea, it's far less inflammatory and you've got better control of it
This community seems nice, lemmy needs more spaces for women :3
Thanks Kittenz! We've been blessed with a lovely bunch of women posting
natter sounds like a delicious sugary spread, probably has chocolate in it, and some kind of nut - hazelnuts, peanuts, etc. 🤤
What does natter mean?
I don't know - from context I assume it means like "chit-chat", looking it up:
(colloquial) To talk casually; to discuss unimportant matters.
We did some heckin learning! Thanks!
Omg yes! Like this beauty which is so delicious I can't have it in my house
omg that's obscene, lol
Yep!
and yes, you could label a jar "natter" and fill it with that spread and I would be like, "yes, this is natter". amazing.
I'd buy that
Ugh I have a problem responding to threads instead of comments.
Ah heck do you know why? I find the app really gitchy
I'm using the Sync app, and when looking at the top comment, the reply icon stays on screen, so I just use it without thinking. When I scroll down, that icon disappears, and I use the correct reply button.
Ahhhhh I see