Those cookies don't hunt themselves
this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2025
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This has got to be the most relevant comment. You've demonstrated the advantage of having the eyes on the top of the head with a delightfully relatable image.
I’m 99% sure Cookie Monster hunts cookies like a crocodile in many episodes too
I'm ecstatic to hear that! I will give you eleventy billion imaginary Tooth points if you can find a source.
Also demonstrated the placidity of the prey species (cookies) being oblivious to the threat and just doing their own thing.
I’m using this as a citation now. You can’t stop me.
The Wild Bite: Chronicles of a Cookie Hunter
[Scene opens on a lush, crumb-laden suburban living room. A dramatic orchestral swell rises as the camera pans to reveal a large, blue, furry creature crouching behind a toy chest.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): In the heart of the domestic wilderness, on the edge of a temperate biotic zone known colloquially as “the living room,” we encounter a most peculiar apex predator: Monstrum biscotti, commonly known as the Cookie Monster.
[Camera zooms in on Cookie Monster, his googly eyes twitching erratically in every direction.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Evolved for maximal mastication, this creature’s diet consists almost exclusively of a singular, elusive prey: Biscotus chipicus, or the common chocolate chip cookie.
[Cut to a plate on the kitchen counter. A dozen warm cookies glisten in the light.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Each specimen, a delicately baked blend of sugars, fats, and theobromine-rich morsels, serves as both sustenance and obsession for our shaggy subject.
[Cookie Monster slowly emerges, dragging himself across the carpet with exaggerated stealth.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Observe the hunter’s approach—lumbering, agile, and inevitable. His strategy relies not on speed, but on surprise.
[Cut to the cookies. One, resting on the edge of the plate, wobbles ever so slightly.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): The Biscotus chipicus is defenseless—its only evolutionary recourse being brittleness. It cannot run. It cannot hide. It can only crumble.
[Cookie Monster rises, eyes fixated. A low growl builds in his throat.]
COOKIE MONSTER: COOOOOKIEEEE!!!
[He lunges. A flurry of crumbs explodes into the air. Cookie Monster devours with primal ecstasy, bits of cookie raining from his maw like edible shrapnel.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): With alarming efficiency, the predator consumes his quarry.
[Cookie Monster slumps to the floor, sated. A single chocolate chip rests on his chest.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): And so concludes another cycle in this majestic, crumb-filled ecosystem. The hunter rests… until the next scent of freshly baked prey stirs his wild, monstrous soul once more.
In my mind. I believe you came up with this without Ai help and that’s what I’m here for. Koodos.
I appreciate your benefit of the doubt. As it is, this is AI generated. I did have to edit it a lot. Admittedly, my writing gets a little better as I replace more and more of the AI results I request. Still, I figure it's best to live a slightly honest life and label these things for what they are.
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This reads like an AI comment...
Thanks! Since it's become apparent that AI and bots are getting better at blending in, I figure I better learn to hide among them for when they take over. Beep boop.
Haha, that's a good strategy!
I mean bleep bloop bzzz 🤖 I like breathing air
My partner likes it when I dress in a blue fur suit and start talking like cookie monster.
She then says something like "do you want a cookie, cookie monster?"
I then say (again, in the voice of cookie monster) "me not a cookie monster. Me a pussy monster!" And start enthusiastically eating her out.
Just something to consider.
What if I don't want to consider?
I would like to unconsider
To unconsider Pussy Monster Facts, please text “No More Pussy Monster” to (202)-456-1414
The guy at that number will grab up all the pussy facts you got.
That's very considerate of you
Cookie is already a slang term for pussy, you can skip that step.
Are we saying nothing about the fact his eyes point in different directions?
omni-directional free range cookie awareness.
One eye on the bottle, one eye on the road 🙏
Question: do people still use the term “lazy eye”, or is that considered ableist?
You could call it amblyopia.
It's kind of fun to say. The syllables roll over each other like wet pumpkin seeds.
Most people won't know what you're talking about, unless you hang out with a lot of eye nerds. You'll probably find yourself saying, "... which is the medical term for 'lazy eye' ..." all the time.
I just googled "amblyopia" and the result came up as:
Lazy Eye
Also called: amblyopia
Cookie demonstrates strabismus, misaligned eyes, specifically exotropia, pointing outward. While this can cause amblyopia or lazy eye, they're different things.
I have had a lazy eye (one that doesn't work well with my brain, so I have crap depth perception) as a child because it was much more nearsighted than the other, and now because of cataracts and floaters. But it aligns properly.
Cookie also has a more unique and adorable quality of "googly eyes," in that they can bounce around randomly before returning to their basic misaligned position.
I'm not sure it counts as ableist since "lazy" is at the eye not the person, and I found it a helpful description when I was a child. But using the medical term shows you're trying, and of course it's best to get the person's preference.
Industrious eye
Alternately directional eye?
Duh. He literally lives in the void below the scene. He would have to have eyes like that.
Maybe off topic, but perhaps Cookie Monster will back me up:
Grandma's house might have Limp Bizkit lyrics displayed in it if Etsy is any indicator. I feel old. I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.
How else is he supposed to get those Wheels?
Here's one for you;
"Uncanny Valley." Why do we have a lizard brain level instinct to be wary of/uncomfortable around things that look almost human?
At what point in our evolutionary history was being afraid of something that looks nearly human, but not quite, a useful survival trait?
Were we preyed upon by something that looks almost human for long enough to evolve an instinctive warning?
Boring answer is that dead people carry diseases so it is evolutionarily beneficial to stay away from them.
is corpses and the diseased. something that looks almost human but not quite is likely going to get you sick.
there's a reason why waxy skin that doesn't quite sit on the body correctly sets it off so hard.
There was a time when Sapiens and Neanderthals co-existed...
Maybe.
Never had that reflex triggered in me when presented with renders of what we think neanderthal looked like though.
Sample size of one means nothing though, so, yeah, maybe.
And we mated with them, so apparently we weren't too afraid.
Not necessarily, it's common to "mate" as part of war and conquest. Usually there's a more descriptive word for it, though.
Yeah, but traditionally you don't fuck people that give you Uncanny Valley vibes.
Don't kink shame.
And yet we have plenty of humans who are jorkin it to poorly made, uncanny AI porn. So... I don't know anymore.
Yes, it's called the present, and the Neanderthals have control of the White House.
Not necessarily aquatic. It's an adaptation to always standing behind a table or bushes or something.
I just typed in "ambush predator" into google images and the first hundred images are just the Predator from Predator
All I can think about is how they made that inverse colour version. I'm thinking reduce the blue channel to 0, then do the invert?
Maybe proto-Cookie Monters lived high on the treetops and forward facing eyes allow them to see in three dimensions and to judge accurately distance and depth.
When he's not eating cookies, he's eating the flesh of his fellow muppets...