this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2024
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[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 78 points 1 month ago (30 children)

A lot of people are saying they’re banging each other

[–] Theprogressivist@lemmy.world 63 points 1 month ago (22 children)

They definitely had a threesome with a couch.

[–] MermaidsGarden@lemmy.world 45 points 1 month ago (15 children)

Are people still talking about JD Vance having sex with a couch? We need to put to bed the idea of JD Vance having sex with a couch. It’s not appropriate for people to think of Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance having sex with a couch. JD Vance has gone on record to deny that he has had bare skin contact with a couch within the last 5 years. It’s absurd that JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after making sweet, passionate love to a KIVIK Sofa Chaise.

Once again, there is no evidence of JD Vance having sex with a couch. You need to stop calling JD Vance a couchfucker.

[–] Laereht@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I promise I'll never say that jd vance violated a couch in a fit of reckless lust ever again.

[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Has anyone spoken with the couch? Maybe it's a willing participant in this sexual deviancy. I'm serious, is it even sex if someone uses a latex glove to ejaculate a couch? Do you think he had a name for the couch or was it just a spur of the moment thing? I'm starting to see your point... It was very likely unwanted behavior. Couches are not normally fucked with a latex glove covered cock. It was violated.

I'm not saying JD Vance fucked a couch but if he did it might have been something more serious than is being discussed.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I've reached out to the couch, but it said the trauma was too fresh to be able to open up about it at this time. I respected the will of the couch and left it at that.

[–] CharlesDarwin@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

For some reason I'm reminded of that quote in Altered States: "Sex is a mystical experience for you. You carry on like a flagellant which can be very nice, but l sometimes wonder if it's me that's being made love to. I feel like I'm being harpooned by some raging monk in the act of receiving God."

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