thefartographer

You could say that their only move is threats and Harris-ment

I preemptively accept my downvotes for this terrible pun

I fucking loooove my RTIC half-gallon jug! I suck down and refill that shit more times in a day than a burned-out parent at SeaWorld with a novelty cup

Oh shit! I just got it! I said "endorse and double," so you said "halves of cats," meaning whole cats.

Fucking hilarious. That was a slow burn with a really enjoyable finish. Bra-fucking-vo.

I've been quietly chuckling at this for about 5 whole minutes now.

Where did the files go?

No no no, I want him to be as able-bodied as an average man his age. If his body is his prison, then that's something outside of his control.

I want him trapped in a cell built by his choices.

When you've got HEB, the Buc-ee's coolers are kinda "meh" in comparison. And their home decor section is just an overpriced miniature Walmart without a single beaver on anything.

As for the kolaches: go to Kolache Factory or visit West, Texas and tell me you can ever eat another kolache anywhere else.

Oh wow, true story time:

Last week I had to go to my mom's house to pick up half of a cat from in front of her house. Something had eaten most of the rest of it, but its head was still in pristine condition.

That was a nightmare trying to get everything onto a shovel so that I could quickly bag the whole thing in one go. I still can't believe how clean and intact most of the torso bones were...

That poor kitty...

If there is a merciful God, then may Harvey Weinstein live to be 91.

Or should his sentence be extended, then may he live until then. And may his cognitive abilities remain sharp as a tack.

No. I'm lazy. You speak for me.

For the next 15 minutes, @drolex@sopuli.xyz is my official spokesperson. Anything they say, I endorse and double.

Which is how we know that Biden only eats vanilla ice cream cones, Obama eats only Dijon Mustard, Trump eats only hamberders and Goya products, and Jimmy Carter only eats peanuts.

Everyone else? Cats and dogs

We are all ~~domestic terrorists~~ cat eaters