this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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[–] Banshee@midwest.social 275 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I'm white, and married to a black woman. Gotta say, this is pretty accurate. Add shitty service from wait staff when the white person a table over gets regular checkups, and doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious. And people being rude to her when she asks a question, but nice to me when I ask them the same question a moment later.

It's one thing to know, in abstract, that racism exists. But experiencing it through what my wife goes through on a daily basis has really opened my eyes. It feels like we exist in 2 separate worlds when we're not out together.

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 147 points 1 month ago (8 children)

doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious

I'm married to a white woman, and she also experiences this, so this might be a gender discrimination problem, rather than (or in addition to) a racial discrimination problem, sadly.

[–] gravityowl@lemm.ee 71 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think it's both. It probably starts with gender discrimination (as the medical field highly favors men. Look at the differences in how we are taught about heart attacks for men and women for example) but then on top of that, it adds the racial discrimination.

Black women (and especially queer black women) are among the most discriminated groups sadly

[–] dexa_scantron@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

That's why the term "misogynoir" exists. It's both, and they pile on and increase each other.

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 12 points 1 month ago

The more general term is "intersectionality"

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[–] whydudothatdrcrane@lemmy.ml 35 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well known gender thing, worse for women of color.

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The prejudices stack together, unfortunately

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[–] thejml@lemm.ee 27 points 1 month ago

Same here. Even women doctors have been shitty to my white wife over things that should be obvious or at least taken seriously.

I can only imagine black women have it worse and that makes me pretty furious considering what I’ve already seen.

[–] V4sh3r@lemmy.world 26 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Older doctors were literally taught that black women have a higher pain tolerance. This in part originated from an early gynecologist doing experiments on black women slaves without bothering to give them any anesthetics. His justification for it was basically that they could handle the pain, and there are doctors practicing medicine today that still belive it.

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[–] cm0002@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago

Yea, that part is a gender discrimination issue, some doctors will refuse to even tie a woman's tubes if they're "too young" saying shit like "What will your future husband think" and if they are married already even saying shit like "You'll need your husband's permission/need to be present"

It's disgusting.

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 17 points 1 month ago

Yep.

Being a woman trying to get your medical concerns taken seriously is hell.

Can't imagine how awful it would be to stack "not white" on top of that, too.

[–] HK65@sopuli.xyz 15 points 1 month ago

We're both Eastern Europeans in Western Europe, so not visible minorities until we open our mouths.

We were recently house hunting, and my wife is the sole earner.

I can't count how many times we had to explain that, or how many times we were disadvantaged against people with the opposite situation. When we applied for a joint bank account with both of us working, guess whose name they put on the account. Or try getting hired without getting asked about your family situation. For her, it always comes up in "small talk" in interviews, very obliquely of course. For me, maybe six months to one year into the job.

On the other hand, she opens the street door every time there's a heavy delivery, as they don't try to have her carry heavy cargo to our apartment like they do to me, despite it being paid for.

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[–] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 33 points 1 month ago

To add: some of the comics, as well as your, examples are good examples of intersectional discrimination. To take a particular one: the doctors-not-taking-you-as-seriously thing happens to all women. But it's much worse for black women in particular. And it's also not as bad for black men as it is for black women.* So, that's an issue she's facing in this severity because she's black AND a woman. There are many such intersectional issues, and it's important to acknowledge and work against them. Anything related to children is similar.

  • I remember that from a statistic, I'll try to look it up if anyone would like me to
[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 month ago

It bothers me endlessly that people who advocate for keeping the tipping system are directly asking to perpetuate racism. Many of them don’t even know thats what they’re doing, but I’m slowly learning that most people (including minorities) actually like systemic racism.

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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 112 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Missing the classic, "You speak so well!" Like, wtf, did you expect me to speak in pure jive and clicks???

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What it is big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap.

[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help!

Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.

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[–] massive_bereavement@fedia.io 79 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I'll give you a bonus one: "But where are you originally from?"

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 39 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Or white person: “You speak [West European language I was raised in] very well”

Me: “Uh thanks you too”

White person:

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[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"where are you from?"

Here.

"But where did you grow up?"

Here.

"Where were you born?"

Here.

"But where were your parents from?"

The town over.

"Okay but where were your grandparents from"

[Other country]

"Ah okay now I can finally put this label on you and refer to you as [country]an whenever I talk about you and hang all these assumptions on you"

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[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 62 points 1 month ago (8 children)

Here's a bonus I saw at college: "Can I touch your hair?" it's an especially weird one.

[–] kerrypacker@lemmy.world 61 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I was blonde growing up in a middle eastern country and people used to want to touch my hair all the time. It's just curiosity.

[–] CaptainThor@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

No, it can only be white on black racism

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

white guy here.

I had a lady do that to me and my beard in college.

it was weird at the time but scratched a physical contact itch I had no idea I had. the interaction started a long lasting infatuation with black matriarchs.

my point is, it's fine to tell people no because it's a limit of yours, but some people get curious about things that are new(to them) and it shouldn't be held against them. who knows you might even like it.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The problem is volume. You had one interaction years ago. Black ladies get this sort of thing a lot more. I'm sure it gets exhausting.

[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 1 month ago

I'm not black but Hispanic and get this often because of my curly hair. I actually love it but understand some people might not like it. But at least they ask. Had some people just pat my hair to feel it which is really weird.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Speaking of touching hair, this isn't really related but what are you supposed to do when holding a baby?
Like I held my family members baby the other day at Thanksgiving and my brain just defaulted to petting their nearly bald head like my cat 😭

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago (6 children)

I think that's normal, actually. Little kids like affection and caressing their bald head qualifies. I'm not sure what age that ends, though.

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[–] NoIWontPickAName@kbin.earth 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That’s funny, because I had a lady I work with tell me to feel her hair.

We were talking about how she always had different hairstyles, and then she explained all this stuff about weaves and fake hair, and then she had me feel her hair to tell the difference.

I did not retain all/any of the knowledge of artificial hair, but I do remember she always had kickass hair styles.

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 58 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Imagine people being racist.

Thank you for attending my TED talk.

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 39 points 1 month ago (3 children)

What type of racism is this? It’s an everyday sort but contains institutional and casual types. Is there a label for it?

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 81 points 1 month ago (2 children)

30 Rock had an episode where Liz thought Tracy couldn't read. I loved his label for it:

"The subtle racism of lowered expectations."

[–] TheFriar@lemm.ee 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

“Bing Crosby said that!”

“…no, Bill Cosby said that.”

“That’s racist!”

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[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 38 points 1 month ago

yeah, prejudice.

[–] whydudothatdrcrane@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 month ago (5 children)
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[–] 2ugly2live@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago

It doesn't matter what the stats are, it's insanely rude.

[–] positiveWHAT@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Wtf? Is this someone's experience?

[–] kaitco@lemmy.world 68 points 1 month ago

I can’t speak to the ones about holding babies because I try to generally avoid that, but I’m a black woman, and I feel these to the depths of my soul.

I remember some girl in college literally asking me “Oh, are you from a broken home?” It took me a minute to even understand the question.

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[–] Draghetta@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Are you guys ok over the pond? I thought every panel after the second was just silly but then I read the married guy’s comment..

[–] djsoren19@yiffit.net 16 points 1 month ago

Racism is one of the only institutions Americans are still willing to vote to protect.

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[–] DoucheBagMcSwag@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 month ago

What is sad is that this will be viewed as normal and acceptable next year because saying it's not acceptable is "woke."

[–] goferking0@lemmy.sdf.org 16 points 1 month ago
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