Christian God doesn't even come down to earth in the form of an animal to get you pregnant. You just wake up one morning with a bun in the oven. Dude should at least make it fun. Zeus and Posieden knew how to have a good time.
this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2024
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Zeus doesn't even discriminate based on gender. He saw Ganymede, a cute mortal twink herder, and brought him to mt Olympus to be his femboy cup-bearer. Tried for ages to get him pregnant, but with no such luck.
My favorite story now that Hades 2 the video game is in early access, is that Melenöe, Hades daughter, was conceived by Zeus disguised as Hades hitting up Persephone.
They do skip details like this in the Hades games, also skip incest and inbreeding. They dont skip same gender relationships though, so at least there is some details that are retained
I've been holding off getting Hades 2 only because I haven't beaten Hades 1. Which is probably stupid, because it's a roguelike and I could be unable to beat it forever because RNGesus hates me. 🤣
You can do it! Did you beat hades once?
Look up OP builds, use the Hera bow, and start with aprodite's keepsake, and use aprodite's cast with hera bow. This is the only required part for this build. Other than that Athena dash is always the best dash always always, until you find the game becomes easy. Poseidon attack with this build is suggested, but optional.
In the mirror, focus on getting more death defiance, dashes and life regen. After that more health and the one that gives bonus damage if you have two curses on the enemy (you get one from aprodite's cast, and one from poseidon attack + razor shoals boon)
Use the same build over and over again and you will beat hades in a few tries.
Learn the moves, when foes telegraph their attack, dash more. The hardest boss is the second to last boss. Won't explain why, for sake of spoilers of you or someone else hasn't gotten that far.
You should use gold to buy max health, or healing more often. I bet you focus on buying boons first, you don't need that with the build above
When you first manage to beat hades, beat him like 9 times total i think to get the end credits. The prolog after the end credits has more story than before the end credits. Mainly give max amount of nectar to everyone to qualify for the big ending in the prolog
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Probably ought to be glad Zeus doesn't exist either.
Good call. Everything is Zeus's type.
...I think I'd rather be Zeus's type than Yahweh's...
There is a Christian bedtime story where I'm from. In the end it says something like "and you'll wake up in the morning if god wants you to". wtf what if god doesn't want me to wake up tomorrow.
the muslims also have an explanation for sleep: "god kills you at night and wakes you up in the morning"
applying simple logic to that would get you mistreated i.e how do you breathe when you're dead?
they have no answer to this
ded
We got a lullaby with that line here in Germany. "Morgen früh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt."
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Stroke
Then you don't
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Huh.....I spent so much of my life concentrated on the fact that Mary was a lying slut who absolutely had sex with someone. Thus making Jesus not only NOT God's child, but also by definition a bastard.....that I never thought about the story from the perspective of it being true. If you take the story at face value, and God impregnated Mary in her sleep? That makes God a rapist who didn't get consent.
Actually an angel appeared and told Mary she was chosen. She said "aight bet." So, technically consent.
Your boss shows up and says, “you’ve been chosen”. Say no and you’re fired…
Yep. Pretty fucked no matter which way you look at it...
Has anyone informed you of Sithrak the Blind Gibberer?
All hail the God Who Hates You Unconditionally 👌
"No worse than us, mind."
I find this religion refreshingly honest and egalitarian. I might convert.
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Oglaf is a fucking treasure
In school I tried to bring up this theory that the three wise men all thought they were the father and came bearing gifts for that reason and mary was either lying or totally clueless/tricked. It wasn't well received but nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
Unclear if typo, or powerful statement.
A little from column A, a little from column B? ;-)
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Jesus was a bastard who was BFFs with a prozzie, did violence against the wealthy, and spurned authority. God might not listen to Slayer, but I reckon Jesus would have
Right? Jesus was a real one. Christianity should be metal AF.
Mary was not virgin until they changed the story later around A.D. 300, during the Romain Catholic Church.
Oh. Damn. I only heard the story AFTER 300AD. I was late to the game, I guess.
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That makes God a rapist who didn’t get consent.
If we take the story at face value, he did get consent.
And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
- Luke 1:38
Jesus is still a bastard too.
No way, Religion is all a sham? MIND=BLOWN
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If God is good, they'll have a thing for goth girls.
And if God is bad, they'll have a thing for goth girls
I hope it isn't the deific version of the thing I have for goth girls. I won't stand a chance anymore.
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The Rapture = At literally any moment, your little child self could be snatched violently upward into space/some unknown cosmic destination to the sound of blaring celestial trumpets from the skies, etc. This is 100% real and seems increasingly likely, by the day.
Night-night, sweetie!
Considering Mary seems to be around 12-13 from the literature we have? You’ll age out of it, I guess? Cold comfort…
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Of course he listens to Slayer. Why else would this photo of God and Tom Araya exist?
I approve of Lemmy being God. My mom has a couple great stories playing cards and smoking joints with them while they had the groupies come in and out lol.
SLAYERRRR!!!!!!!
\m/
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