Check there isn't a plastic layer coating the skates (never used an apple mouse but it's common on other brands, they're usually blue to make them visible, but if they're transparent they can be hard to see)
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Are you dual wielding mice, my man? Why do you need two? I know it doesn't matter for your question, but I'm genuinely curious what the use case is.
If I’m doing a lot of work on the numpad side I prefer to keep the right hand there and use the mouse with the left hand.
It’s a pretty nieche use case
Keeps carpal tunnel at bay. Well, helps but doesn’t totally prevent it by itself.
Probably 2 computers at the same desk.
Sounds like you need replacement skates:
Mouse Feet Mouse Skates for Apple Magic Mouse 1&2 Generation (Pack of 2) (for Apple Magic Mouse 1st)
Trackballs are glorious, just saying.
Downside is you have to polish your ball once a while
I've never had to manually do that. I use almost exclusively Kensington Orbits and have for around twenty years. Maybe my hands are either clean or dirty enough that the balls are being polished by use.
That said, while I would say "have to" is strong wording, it's still probably a good idea to polish your balls, innuendo or not.
"Downside"
Mmmmm yes, what you need is an air hockey table as a mouse pad
The Apple mouse comes with some weird pads. They’re meant to work OK with a certain amount of friction on a wide variety of surfaces. However as you’ve found they suck on a mouse pad.
Replace the Apple pads with some made from teflon and you’ll be good.
Only Apple could make a mouse that doesn't work on mouse pads
It works just fine if you use it on the $100 Apple mousepad.
Lube?
Astroglide is perfect for this situation. It even has "glide" in the name!
smash it and then mail it back to them
apply a thin coat of silicone spray
Apple used to be so good at textures. Used to be better at design overall.
Teflon tape on the underside!
Gotta lube it up. I'd suggest water-based.
One side of your deskpad may be grippier than the other. I noticed this with my pad when I flipped it once. The keyboard side seems to have become worn and become rough on a visually unnoticeable level, so my mouse now slides way better one end of the pad than the other.
Also, others have suggested teflon replacements for the skates.
You can also get "universal" adhesive glass mouse skates. Once I tried glass skates on a mouse I never wanted to use anything else.
That said I benefit from this most when I use my mouse for gaming. It might be pointless for average use, but the extremely low friction is very comfortable.