this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 29 comments
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[–] brlemworld@lemmy.world 49 points 2 months ago (5 children)

3 issues

  1. Not standing
  2. There are 5 of them
  3. Which Jesus?
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 30 points 2 months ago (4 children)

#3 is clear. When Jesus enters the room, you get the fuck up.

That was a very unexpected and wild ride through Wikipedia.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

When Jesus enters the room, you get the fuck up.

The same holds true for Martin Sheen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKhTFDBj-rw

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

When the president stands, nobody sits

[–] Alterforlett@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Later that morning, Puke noticed that Allin still lay motionless in the same place where he had left him and posed for Polaroids with the corpse before calling for an ambulance.

Jesus Christ!

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

dir: Andrew Adamson

[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Maybe the fifth one is Jesus?

[–] Paradachshund@lemmy.today 5 points 2 months ago

Plot twist: the guy in the middle is jesus.

[–] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This reminds me of a joke:

Why didn't Jesus play basketball? Because soccer is a much more popular sport in Mexico.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

Not only does Jesus play basketball, he's a super dick about it:

[–] realitista@lemm.ee 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I think that's somewhere in Luke.

[–] yemmly@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Plot twist: That’s not all that’s in Luke.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't know about Luke, but this is in Matthew (15:11)-

What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.

So swallow, don't spit.

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What about what goes into, out of, and back into their mouth in rapid succession?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

He didn't make a judgment there apparently.

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 20 points 2 months ago

The guy in the middle can't tie his tie correctly. You don't leave it hanging on the side like that. I don't trust guys like that.

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)

They say that they will stand for Jesus, not that they're currently standing for Jesus.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

It's always what they will do tomorrow and never what can be done today, amiright?

[–] YourNetworkIsHaunted@awful.systems 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I got all the way down on my one knee and nothing short of the second coming is gonna move me from this spot

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Don't think you can swallow the first coming in time?

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ok I think I've got it.

Jesus is like Voltron, the 3 dudes in the middle combine to form him.
And the 2 on the ends are the spiritual equivalent of two men each, which is why all the parts of Jesus are hanging out with them.

[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 months ago

Of shit what if it's like Captain planet, and if they all stand up at the same time it'll summon Jesus?
They're not allowed standing because they don't want to trigger the rapture!

[–] johsny@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

There is a lot of moustache going on there.

[–] JaymesRS@literature.cafe 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is this a proto-Piper Perri meme?

[–] synae@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 2 months ago

They're waiting for Jesus' second coming

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Two grinners, three sinners. Nothing odd there at all