this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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okmatewanker

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Obviously satire, dozy wankers

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submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Emperor@feddit.uk to c/okmatewanker@feddit.uk
 

Perhaps you could bugger off back to your gentlemen's club now and never darken the doorstep of a boozer again.

Context:

And sundry other tomfoolery.

Broader context (on here):

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[–] Jimmycakes@lemmy.world 39 points 2 months ago

You know you are doing the morally correct thing if this guy is against it.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 34 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

U.k pubs see record income after smoking ban, one publican we interviewed said "It's not as much the smoking ban, its the fact that people know that fuckwit Nigel isnt going to be there".

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

So pubs will become a safe space? Nice one.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 7 points 2 months ago
[–] nickwitha_k@lemmy.sdf.org 20 points 2 months ago

Sorry UK smokers, I think you're gonna have to take one for the team on this one.

[–] MerchantsOfMisery@lemmy.ml 19 points 2 months ago

Seeing him smoking actually makes quitting smoking way more appealing to me. Thanks Nigel!

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

We all know they'll stand two millimeters from the gate to the pub gardens so will ask have to walk through their cancerous cloud of shit anyway.

Put in a smoking hut somewhere.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 6 points 2 months ago

Apparently pubs already have the ability to define outdoor smoking areas, so if there is an issue, you can have a word with the landlord about it.

At my local, my friends who smoke and vape usually go up the car park a bit and there's rarely an issue with fighting through a fog to get to the doors. If there was, I am confident the landlord (self-declared as "dickhead intolerant") would have a word with the worst offenders, possibly even dedicate the closest picnic tables to thr doors as no smoking.

[–] llamatron@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I wonder how much time he's spent in Clacton since the election.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 9 points 2 months ago

Probably about as much time as he's spent in the Houses of Parliament.

[–] Wooki@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

If the states of your criminal settlement down under can achieve this, by god its got to be a slap in teh face that the UK cant do it.

I honestly dont remember what it was like before it was banned and by golly its fantastic.

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

No. Stop. Don't. 😐

[–] BedSharkPal@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

If they banned smoking and allowed vaping I honestly think it would be a great improvement

[–] riodoro1@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Vaping is not a solution to smoking. Especially with the amount of virtually or literally single use vapes. Your healthier alternative still generates a shit ton of pretty bad trash so please choose the healthiest option and just cure your whatever addiction.

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 months ago

it's because of the disposables. refillable vapes don't cause those problems, but of course quitting would be even better. it's really hard to quit though. i smoked 9 years. even after quitting, it took a few years until i stopped missing the effect. a horrible drug.

[–] BedSharkPal@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 months ago

I never said it was a solution. I don't smoke, but I get that a lot of people who go to these places do and I'd personally be fine with them allowing a transitional period where vaping is allowed.

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 7 points 2 months ago

Nah, I've been subject to clouds of peoples' vape exhalations; no thanks to that. Ban it all if you're going to ban it until something has zero output aside from what's already in peoples' breath in similar concentrations.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

is there any law that will make sure I don't see his face in my feed ever again?

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

There's a feature request in for a Farage Filter, we'll keep everyone updated on progress.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

ahh that already makes my brain pink and happy

[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago

Damn, a two for one, really hope this ban goes through.

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I don’t know who this guy is but like

If I can’t smoke outside of the pub then I probably won’t go to the pub either.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 19 points 2 months ago

I wouldn't be terribly upset if the smokers stopped smoking or stopped showing up. It's bad for everyone involved, and the defensiveness of smokers is insufferable.

[–] JohnSmith@feddit.uk 8 points 2 months ago

UK’s version of Geert Wilders, but probably a fair bit smellier for all the fags and ales he consumes.

[–] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Nah, I live in Canada, they let you smoke outside here. And nobody is bitchy to anybody else about it.

[–] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ah, you're one of the assholes who are now ruining sidewalks for everyone. Cigarette butts everywhere, having to walk through a cloud of cigarette smoke when you're walking with your children or taking grandma to the doctor. I'm Canadian too, I'm actively trying to get my city to shut down the bingo hall in my area cause the smokers are a bunch of trash bags who make the place unbearable

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Lol I never smoke around non smokers and I’ve never thrown a butt on the ground in my life. But whatever, you can go try to fight that losing battle as hard as you want while making everyone around you think you’re obnoxious as hell. You go ahead and waste that energy all you want.

[–] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

Lol I never smoke around non smokers and I’ve never thrown a butt on the ground in my life.

Funny how every smoker I've ever met says this but it's never true

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee -1 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Smoker hate is just another form of classism. Smoking could have been eradicated decades ago, but instead, they allowed these companies to continue to peddle death to the disenfranchised while placing all the blame (and tax burden) on the users. Now, governments and private entities continually restrict the spaces that people can smoke while still allowing the sale on every street corner. This is just another case of class warfare, poison the poor and blame them for the situation.

[–] Soup@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I still don’t want to have to deal with people smoking in pretty much any area where smoking is banned. It’s smells fucking awful and we know full-well the second-hand dangers. Other than allowing the sale of the things I seriously do not get the appeal of it.

So yea, while I agree with the spirit of your last sentence it’s ultimately a fully voluntary and objectively stupid thing to do so I don’t have a tonne if sympathy, if I’m honest.

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Most adult smokers in the West start as children in poverty. By the time you are looking down at another adult with disdain, they have been addicted for quite some time to a readily available carcinogen. This is a societal level issue that has been dumped on the poor/developing countries. Some countries, such as New Zealand, are making good progress by doing things like raising the smoking age incrementally.

[–] MerchantsOfMisery@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I started smoking when I was 13 because it was the only way one could take their shift break without being interrupted/called back into work. Before I smoked, my breaks would constantly get interrupted and I'd be called to do work but after I started smoking? No one dared to break the sacred rule of "don't fuck with someone's smoke break".

20+ years later and I'm still smoking 😎 and hopelessly addicted. I hate it.

[–] towerful@programming.dev 4 points 2 months ago

I was a bit older, but that's the same reason I started. Somehow an accepted break that doesn't get rushed, and a bit of daylight.

[–] Soup@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Yea see that’s where I get on board with the classism issue. Everyone is overworked and for some reason smokers get breaks that nonsmokers don’t but should.

[–] grozzle@lemm.ee 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

or maybe people just hate it because it fucking stinks.

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee -2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Then why is the hate directed at the addicts and not the companies who produce the product or the governments who allow these companies to flourish?

[–] grozzle@lemm.ee 8 points 2 months ago

strawman argument.

tobacco companies and governments are widely hated.

[–] DrCake@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You know banning smoking would never work. Just look at how ubiquitous weed and cocaine use is. Also if smoking only affected the person smoking then it would be fine, but second hand smoke is a health issue and it just fucking stinks.

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee -3 points 2 months ago

Smoking can be reduced without banning smoking. Unfortunately, mitigation methods like vaping are treated the same as smoking, because fuck poor people trying to quit. Additionally, massively taxing the producers would put them out of business, and there would be less of a black market because there really isn't a "high" from nicotine and the crop isn't really practible on the small scale.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Smoking was banned in public buildings because 1 smoker could negatively affect a lot of people. If you want to poison yourself, that's your choice.

There's just 2 provisos,

  1. I should be able to avoid being affected by it.

  2. Any costs it created (e.g. medical costs) should be rolled into its tax.

[–] Letstakealook@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

I'm not advocating for indoor smoking. I'm pointing out the trend of smokers being pushed out of outdoor spaces, which will have the effect of actually creating greater conflict with nonsmokers.

[–] Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 points 2 months ago

I seriously don’t get the smoker hate. But I live in Canada, maybe that’s more of a UK thing.

It’s not really an issue here. You can’t smoke inside bars like anywhere here, but you go outside and smoke and it’s fine. Not on patios or anywhere they serve food but usually you just go smoke outside the bar. If you don’t want to be around the smoke you just don’t hang out where the smokers are smoking, and like… why would you anyway?

If you can’t even smoke outside then like… where do you go if you smoke? Can you just go across the street or is it like a street wide ban?