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Now I'd like to inquire the wizard convention (lol) on the status of the "testicular torsion" and "ovary obliteration" spells

What is wizard hell? Hogwart?

Yes.

Always cast those two the other way around.

Mended crack full of explosive diarrhoea acts the same as cast fireball but with poison damage.

"But council I was merely casting the humble and fun Balloon Animal spell ~targeting penis~"

I'm still waiting for my proposal regarding instant orgasm to be classified as sexual assault regardless of whichever animal it's cast on.

I don't care how hard it is to breed Panda's, we can't just make them nut on command.

I'm not pointing fingers here, we've all made our pets seize on the ground for a good twenty minutes or so while we finish the latest episode of Keeping Up with Prostatulus uninteruppted, but we've got to do something to stop the fucking apprentices from doing it for shits and giggles, it's pretty sick when you stop to think about it.

At a bare minimum limit the orgasms to one minute, and necessitate a bodily fluid retention spell. I'm tired of stepping over the puddles when sneaking out the newbloods quarters.

This is even worse than the time Wizards banned Splinter Twin

Maybe if used together, but otherwise this is absurd overreach by the council.

What is the current status of the Shit Pants cast?