this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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Description: Clay tablet from Old Babylonia with lunar-eclipse omens inscribed on it in cuneiform.

Article here: https://www.sciencealert.com/archaeologists-reveal-ominous-warning-in-ancient-babylonian-tablet

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[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Your highness, I am a seer myself and I have to tell you that moon-seers are notorious frauds among our distinguished profession. I can predict events with 5% more accuracy and 15% more positivity than this fool (for only 10% more silver per moon, three first moons offered if you sign now) by reading the flow of blood from sacrificed moon-seers.

This omen is really only a large cloud and your reign will be prosperous for ever and your beard will never fall and did I mention everybody loves your large hat?

[–] teft@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Deal.

A man can always use a seer that loves his hat.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Stop worrying with this primitive nonsense. Listen to the science. Everyone knows that when the moon turns dark, it's just the giant sea beast rising out of the ocean and breathing his great smokey breath over the moon goddess.

[–] Paraponera_clavata@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

How would you get rid of the seer? Might be fun, which would affect my response.

[–] Muehe@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
  1. Wait for lunar eclipse to start
  2. Name the seer king
  3. Wait for totality
  4. Do a little regicide
[–] teft@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago

You have been hired as my new executioner because of your ingenuity.

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago

Sounds like some kind of a conspiracy to overthrow you. Have you tried torturing him? That usually works.

[–] kat_angstrom@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Pffft, get rid of the Seer. "A king" isn't specific enough when there are ten thousand kings scattered across lands both known and unknown

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

You don't need to suffer this toxic behaviour, just let your HR & executions department handle it, you pay them for this.