this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
220 points (98.2% liked)

Not The Onion

11810 readers
537 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 25 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 41 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

They tried doing it with blinkers but none of their drivers noticed

[–] Xeroxchasechase@lemmy.world 38 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Next it'll be ABS and seatbelts

[–] doctortofu@reddthat.com 37 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

BMW, soon: "Warning - you are almost out of your free braking credits for this month! Purchase additional BMW Premium Gems that can be exchanget for braking credits at the rate of 13.7 to 1 and into acceleration credits at the rate of 12.864 to 1 now, or activate the Braking Unlimited subscription to receive unlimited braking credits and a chance to win 4 free hours of air conditioning!"

[–] nehal3m@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

MBA mode: Why is accelerating more expensive than braking? Let's flip that pricing around! Let people put the pedal to the metal and then gauge out their eyes when they realize they will need to stop!

[–] Xeroxchasechase@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Subscrptio automatically activated and charged if the car detect an emergency. Codified by the bipartisan bill: "Kids road safty and protection act"

[–] x4740N@lemm.ee 2 points 1 week ago

KRSPA

Needs some word starting with y at the end and it could become KRSPAY

[–] JoMomma@lemm.ee 38 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I was charged 150$ to enable the recording feature of the local, built in cameras on my car... All the recording happens locally and nothing is sent to the cloud... Literally paid to use what I already had... Yay capitalism

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago

and you paid for it 🤦‍♂️

[–] BearOfaTime@lemm.ee 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

As I said elsewhere, 🖕 BMW

Not like I'd ever own their overpriced garbage in the first place. I've worked on them (since the 70's), they're over-hyped trash from a durability standpoint. And how they put things together makes maintenance a nightmare.

They could learn a lot from Japan, who's worst brands are far better

[–] TranquilTurbulence@lemmy.zip 1 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Any observations on Mercedes and Audi?

[–] Glifted@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Allegorical, but I have 2008 Mercedes C300 (W204). I purchased it in 2017 with 90k miles and I'm currently at 190k. It's still my daily driver and overall I remain pretty happy with it.

The tl;dr of this car has been toyota-like reliability with maintenance/repairs being uncommon but more costly when they need to be done. I wouldn't assume my experience is indicative of Mercedes overall.

I'm not a mechanic but I am an engineering technician and test driver in automotive T&V

[–] TranquilTurbulence@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 weeks ago

I’ve also heard stories of a Mercedes giving you 1 000 000 km (or 1 Gm) as long as you take good care of it.

[–] Death_Equity@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

All the luxury German brands are great cars until the warranty runs out.

After that, the car will last as long as your bank account can hold a comma.

[–] sndmn@lemmy.ca 23 points 3 weeks ago

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

The porcupine has its pricks on the outside.

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well to their credit I was never considering a BMW in the first place because to me personally I just don’t see the value of the offerings.

[–] BearOfaTime@lemm.ee 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Because you're not blinded by ego.

What BMW owners think they have:

The envy of all other drivers on the road.

What they actually have:

An overpriced four wheeled trash can.

[–] VieuxQueb@lemmy.ca 15 points 3 weeks ago

Changed the battery on my friends BMW it just took removing 5 parts/covers/crossbar, 16 bolts, 2 clips and the battery was ONLY 350$. German engineering at its finest!

Everyone told him not to buy it he did it anyway.

Oh, I almost forgot his gas pedal keeps unclipping from the bottom when there is a bit of sand or rocks on the carpet. Told him to press from the bottom instead of the top so it stays clipped but does he listen !

[–] DemBoSain@midwest.social 10 points 3 weeks ago

Remember when BMW got shit for a subscription for heated seats? Subaru has been doing that shit for some time now.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 10 points 3 weeks ago

Last tweet:

“The suspension is killing me”

[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 weeks ago

kill it with fire

[–] watson387@sopuli.xyz 8 points 3 weeks ago
[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

Oh I cannot wait to hear about this on ATP.

[–] ohlaph@lemmy.world -1 points 3 weeks ago

I'd rather invest in a Tacoma.