this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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Description: A recently discovered Bronze Age sword, which was extraordinarily well-preserved

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/bronze-age-sword-germany-180982399/

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[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Try quenching it in the blood of an unsullied lamb. That works like 50% of the time.

[–] ynazuma@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

Doing it during a blood moon raises efficacy to 63%

Add the tears of a virgin and you’re dealing with 78% probability of removing the curse

Unfortunately it’s not on hallowed ground, otherwise you’d be golden

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago

Ziplock bag filled with uncooked rice. Can take 24 to 48 hours.

You'll know it's done once the rice is cursed. Cursed rice will wail when boiled.

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

Oh this one is easy thankfully.

Just get it bronzed. The curse is locked in that way

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What kind of sword? Like a Nerf sword?

[–] Elwynn@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A REAL sword. Urghm....

Gosh. A real sword?

[–] Elwynn@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Could you transfer the curse to the nerf sword from the other sword instead?

[–] Taako_Tuesday@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Wait, what do you want me to do to this sword?

(I can't believe I found a mbmbam reference in the wild on Lemmy!)

[–] Elwynn@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 month ago

Uncurse the real sword!

(Haha I didn't expect it either!)

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Be careful, it could be one of those thirsts-for-familial-sacrifice curses. Last time I accidentally caught one of those the missus was not happy with me, or really anything ever again.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

This is why you get a few dozen wives and many children. A man can't be worrying about trivialities like who to sacrifice when dealing with curses.

[–] Red_October@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Usually you have to get someone else to willingly take the cursed item from you.

On another note, babies will often take literally anything you hand to them.

[–] pdxfed@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Try Robitussin

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

It looks like it has begun to glow very brightly. I'd take it with you and not wait around until dark. There could be grues about.

[–] Stoposto@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Trade me, I can Trim that sword for you

[–] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Put it in a box with mothballs and Irish spring bar soap for a few days.