this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] w3dd1e@lemm.ee 3 points 23 minutes ago

I know a lot of guys in the comments are saying they don’t see it so they don’t have the opportunity to call it out. And some of those guys are making good points! These communities probably don’t interact much with men that treat women with respect.

But I also wonder how much of that stuff happens and they don’t realize it’s harmful to women. Obviously sharing photos isn’t okay so that’s an easy one to call out.

It’s not a man’s fault that he doesn’t see it, necessarily. You don’t have the same experiences as women and it just doesn’t occur to you as often. Women are on alert 24/7.

Kinda like that thing about the number of guys who feel safe walking to their car at night vs the number of women. (I know some men are anxious in that scenario too, but nearly ALL women are.)

When I was an elementary school aged kid, I was afraid to play outside at my grandmas house because a man drove by yelling cat calls. This actually happened a couple times growing up.

At 14, a random man followed me home from school.

In my college there was a flyer in the restroom about how something like 1 in 6 women will experience sexual assault or rape. But really that’s just the number reported.

Every single woman I know has experienced sexual assault or rape of some kind. (I didn’t ask my coworkers to be fair).

That’s bonkers.

But I do appreciate those of you that are trying to be better! The comments here are reassuring and give hope for the future!

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 3 hours ago

Davies was contacted by seven men over seven days who had all been scammed or catfished by seven different fake accounts that were using her images. She wrote an Instagram post to warn others and a BBC journalist got in touch, leading to her first documentary When Nudes Are Stolen. This was life-changing. “It was the first time that I had sat down with campaigners and experts who laid all those images out and said that what happened to me wasn’t OK,” she says. “No one had ever said that before. No one had ever said: ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ It was such a moment for me. It lifted the weight off my shoulders.”

Good Lord, that’s depressing. When people take advantage of you, it’s not your fault. What is this world doing to people?

[–] toastmeister@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

AI will fix this. Everyone will have nudes of everyone, and nobody will believe anything is real.

Even watching porn will be weird, when you can only assume what youre watching is a computer trying its best to not turn the womens bumhole into a picture of a dog.

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

Isn't white knighting a derogatory phrase?

[–] RedditIsDeddit@lemmy.world 7 points 5 hours ago

yeah people suck welcome to Earth

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 146 points 14 hours ago (5 children)

Any decent man who has spent enough time in locker rooms understands that ~30% of men are shitty people and of those, somewhere around half are probably violent.

Once you have a daughter or put youraself in womens shoes, you realize how terrifying those odds are for women trying to navigate this world.

[–] drascus@sh.itjust.works 7 points 4 hours ago

God I hate that you are right. I only have like one male friend because I legit had to distance myself from ao many other male friends who were just horrible people and I couldn't stand to listen to them anymore.

[–] Lucky_777@lemmy.world 13 points 6 hours ago

This is 100% correct. I have 4 daughters myself and an amazing wife. I see it almost daily. In the current landscape, it's even harder. My older female family members don't even care. They "got theirs" and could give a shit about women growing up in this world.

I will always defend women, and I patiently wait for the day a woman in my presence gets disrespected by some Chad, Andrew Tate loving motherfucker.

I'm here for all my human sisters, as we should all be equal on this planet. Fuck these men with no morals and no human equality compass. Scared of something they don't understand or what incels tell them to act like. Its madness and makes me sick.

[–] lazynooblet@lazysoci.al 35 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

This is why when my daughter announced she was gay, I was absolutely thrilled. She gets to go on this new journey with the part of humanity that 1) can't cause a teen pregnancy and 2) much less abusive

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 14 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

The study that statistic comes from is seriously methodologically flawed.

The statistic is that lesbians are more likely to have experienced abuse in previous heterosexual relationships. These are lifetime prevalence rates.

[–] Mniot@programming.dev 35 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Though, do be careful because there are abusive same-sex relationships and sometimes it's even harder to get away because the people around you are telling you "but women can't be abusers!"

[–] TheCriticalMember@aussie.zone 10 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

OMG I've witnessed so many abusive lesbian relationships. Women can be straight up psychos too, and are often a lot more calculated about it.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Statistically, lesbian relationships are far more likely to be abusive than hetero ones.

https://www.standffov.org/tdvam/abuse-in-lesbian-relationships/

[–] TheCriticalMember@aussie.zone 1 points 3 hours ago

I didn't want to be the one to say it... But yeah, I've known some downright scary lesbian women.

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[–] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 77 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (7 children)

These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.

I suspect there is some amount of survivorship bias type thing going on here. The type of men to hang out in such places are the type that enjoy it, and as such would never call out such behavior. The men that don't enjoy such will tend not to come across such content in the first place.

So the first group just doesn't care, the second doesn’t see it in the first place.

There is also probably some degree of the second group of men acknowledging that trying to call out such behavior won't go very far. If you said "hey don't share this woman's pics" on 4chan, you're going to immediately get laughed at, ignored, and probably called a bunch of slurs. And then they'll keep on doing it because you told them not to. And that's in no small part because these places are puedo anonymous.

Men can't get away with such behavior as easily outside of the internet. Calling them out in real life is far more likely to go somewhere. However ther are caveats. Again comes the survivorship bias thing I mentioned. But worse, if done in real life and calling out that behavior backfires, it becomes a teaching moment. "Don't tell other men to behave decent or they'll ostracize and harass you".

It's a fucked up situation all around.

[–] SoloCritical@lemm.ee 60 points 15 hours ago

Let’s not forget that the people that call out said behavior get banned and their comments deleted.. you can’t authentically claim nobody calls them out because you don’t actually know if anyone is or not.. because ban.

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[–] swampwitch@lemmy.world 141 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (7 children)

I stumbled upon /r/theredpill(?) many years ago as a 17 year old girl who had never had a boyfriend, and it lead to me developing a severe distrust of men for several years after. I simply had no solid concept of this type of male sex culture, and it eventually lead me into the rabbit hole of the manosphere. I read through their new posts and "strategies" frequently, mostly out of a sort of morbid fascination, but also a desire to protect myself from men.

It made me believe that, as I grew into a young woman, I had to be careful, as men are terrible predators that only care about sex and the feeling of conquest. I started to understand that the way I perceive relationships might be vastly different from a certain male ideal. Ironically, what I wanted from a relationship was inspired by a quote written by Louis de Bernières, a man:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and, when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

The only thing that undid those feelings was putting myself in the position to make friends with guys – "beta males", specifically, made me feel a lot less threatened – and coming to understand that what I feared was a certain type of man, which did not represent every man. Now, I feel that I'm quite capable of navigating around toxic masculinity and keeping it out of my life, and have been with my partner for over a decade in a relationship that has developed roots.

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 1 points 58 minutes ago

they moved onto other subs once that got banned, or on another platform, they are sitll there on places, like twoxchromosone, femcels,,,,etc. alpha, beta thing came from pickup artists videos, and incels/and other men binge on that content.

[–] TrojanRoomCoffeePot@lemmy.world 16 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

I read through their new posts and “strategies” frequently, mostly out of a sort of morbid fascination, but also a desire to protect myself from men.

Sound advice, it's useful to recognize the bullshit lingo & rhetoric that's all a part of these idiotic schemes (see: "Pickup Artists"). I realized that one of my acquaintances had started slipping those catchphrases into convos years ago, and it caught me off guard. They hadn't seemed like much of an asshole before, but it raised my hackles knowing that they weren't just reviewing the media, but integrating it into their personality/beliefs without any sort of filter.

[–] CalipherJones@lemmy.world 11 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Honestly knowing what I know about guys, I wouldn't date them either if I was a chick.

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