Good heavens, a motorised zipper on my trousers that will get my amazing humongous dong out in the open when my hands are busy fondling the hordes of skimpily dressed women with questionable character.
I will buy this.
this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2025
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Now you just need a gunpowder powered pulley system that whips your massive dong out of your fly after the motorized zipper opens your pants.
I'm just imagining the situation where it triggers a little early, and skins you on the way back up.
I'm going to have to download an app to use my zippers, aren't I?
Yes, and you need the subscription. There's only a yearly plan.
A five year plan and the non replacable battery only lasts 3 years
At least I can unzip my pants remotely
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Can they add a little speaker and have it play some smooth jazz when unzipping?
All my zippers play Careless Whisper
AI instructions unclear, brass instruments coming right up
Ska intensifies
Playing Smooth Jazz Funeral by Collapsed Lung
Ash fell from the sky.
Zzzzzz bow chicka bow wow zzzzzzzzzzz bow chicka bow zzzzzzzzip
Remote control zipper porn, yes!
I usually do some zip-hop vinyl scratching, which my audience generally seems to have a stronger reaction to, as they'll usually do some breakdancing, drugs etc.
I was surprised they were talking about an industrial use for it. I would think this would also be a great accessibility feature.
Before being an accessibility product, the tech has to prove itself. I wouldn't want to be the guinea pig for a product that could, if malfunctions, trap me in my jacket. But, yes, once proven, this would be an amazing application of the tech.
This plus those wearable battery things that recharge with movement could be super cool. Or just plug into a wheelchair battery or something.
Also you can link it to HomeAssistant so when you unzip you can set an automation to lock your door, dim your lights, play Kenny G, and activate your touchless tissue dispenser.
I like the idea of automatically fastening zips in places with limited access (like the tent example in the article), but unless the failure rate is very low, you'd always need a backup fastening technique on hand
and unfortunately for them a large number of the backup applications consist entirely of “attach a string to it”
Reading the headline I thought this would be about something space related, like unfolding solar sails.
IDK, a zipper is pretty dangerous when I'm steering it, never mind full self driving.
YKK exec; hey we've pretty much won the zipper market and quality brands default to us. But our social marketing teams says we need more presence in the news cycle, so how can we tank our reputation for clicks?"
YKK exec2; lets add AI to the zippers!
How did you get the beans above the frank?
Frank and beans!
Arrrgh!
That the article even suggested this is testament to modern tech stupidity. It was so close to saying that if they added AI to the zipper this wouldn't happen. Anyone that uses this on a fly has what's coming to them.
Did we read the same article? The article was pretty open to the idea especially in the demonstrated environments. I also read nothing about AI...
on the fly
hehe
PR Videos to save you a click:
Second video made some sense. Still, it's really a niche application thing.
"Your jacket is now dry!"
That tech was supposed to be ready 10 years ago. Come on, scientists, get your act together!
Great Scott, like a breeze of warm air.
We don't need it motorized. We just need them to be of higher quality.
I have a coat with two zips on the same zip. So I can zip it up and then I can unzip it up, I have no idea why this is supposed to be useful.
The bottom one is used to give more room when you sit down or need to get stuff from your pockets.
I find it's easier to regulate heat from the bottom zipper most of the time. Also if you have any belted gear or just need to grab something in your pockets it's easier than a full unzip. Or if you're a guy and you're taking a piss.
Or you can grab the corners, wrap them up over your elbows and pretend you can fly.
While I knew your answer, I just went through a similar thing with a Costco jacket. It's a winter jacket with a false fleece liner. As in, there's a 2" strip inside the jacket, just behind the main zipper, that just zips up. While it can offer an extra inch of belly room after too much hibachi, the main benefit seems to be that it starts about 3" higher than the exterior zipper. It's pretty good for driving in that mode.
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