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I have friends who have learned the language and studied at the university of Tokyo and still have a rough time. Loneliness and isolation is a very common complaint of foreigners staying in Japan for prolonged stays.
You may have a different experience, as you married into the culture, and thus have a family there to help break the ice.
How is this not conservative and insular?
Again.... This doesn't really seem to be helping your assertion.
Zainichi Koreans make up the vast majority of Koreans living in Japan, with a current population of a little over a million people. And by "weird spot" you mean decades of intense discrimination, including denying them access to basic healthcare.
North Koreans make up a small minority of Koreans living in Japan. All Korean nationals were stripped of there citizenship in the 50's, and only regained the option of applying for citizenship in the 90's. With the predication that they would be assimilated into Japanese nationality of course.
Framing Japanese culture as conservative and insular was the polite way of saying they're still a fascist country, run by the children of war criminals. The only difference big difference is they got their guns taken away. But, they're still denying well documented war crimes, and funding temples built to honor people who weaponized rape on a massive scale.