For me I always liked to describe it as feeling like a tool. You just work as expected when needed. There is no feels, no life, no identy. When needed, you function exactly in the way society expects* and then you get put back into the dark garden shed.

hence also the "Depression doesn't look like Depression"

[–] theangryseal@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

Yeah that describes me pretty well, but I’m not bummed. I mean, not really.

I don’t know. I could use therapy, but I must not have been honest enough because through my drug rehab program I was in therapy and they decided that I didn’t need it any more. They said that if I felt like I did, I could tell them, but I always want to just grab my meds, joke with the doctor, and get out of there.

I don’t know. If I am depressed I’m surviving. I wasn’t surviving before. I was just paralyzed and waiting for death. I felt like a living thing though without having to think about it, but I didn’t want to be a living thing. Now I do, and my life is objectively a mess but I’m doing better than I ever have, so it’s hard to say I’m depressed when I’m doing better than ever.

Life is a challenge, and that sucks because so far for me, it has flown by.