this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
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ADHD
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I mostly agree, but (what else ^^):
IMO you do take responsibility when you tell others about your boundaries and how they can work around them. If they don't want to because it also costs them a little bit of energy and disrupts their typical workflows they have (again: IMO) no right to blame it all on you. If I tell them "I can't do X" or something and they again and again expect me to do X, it's also on them.
Simple example: I tell colleagues, family, whatever to please remind me again if they feel I missed something they expected of me. If they do, all is good. If they later are pissed that I missed something and immediately blame me ... sorry my friend, I warned you. (If I had the ability to set a reminder, sure that's on me for not doing that. But it doesn't always work that way.)
There are times in our lives when people will need to rely on us. Whether or not you tell them that you are unreliable, or ask that they remind you; it is reasonable for them to be upset if you wind up letting them down. You are not immune from blame. It doesn't suddenly become their fault for relying on you when you mess up. It is still you who messed up.
If you tell them you can't do what they rely on you to do, then no, you haven't fucked up, they have fucked up. They should not have relied on you. When you promise someone to do something and you don't, yeah, then you fucked up, but if you don't do that, then it's 100% their fault.
This is so situational. Obviously if someone asks you for something and you say no upfront, then ya I agree with you. Sometimes we don't have a choice who we rely on though.
Children are an easy example. Your children rely on you for everything and there's no one else they can rely on. Sick parents? Siblings that don't have spouses? You can't just shed yourself of all responsibilities or obligations in this life, even when they're hard or near impossible for you to do. That's just reality.
You can't shed all responsibilities or obligations, but most of them you can. In the end, it only depends on what your goals are. Do you want healthy, happy children? Then you'll probably have to do something for that. If not though? Then you don't. You can get by with a lot of "what if I just don't?"
Lol sure, you could neglect your children, that's always an option. Makes you a bad person though. Potentially a criminal too, depends on the exact nature of the neglect.
In the case of children i would say that having them in the first place(in majority of cases) is a promise that they can rely on you so it is kind of a bad example
Exactly. I was talking about just not having children if you know you can't properly take care of them. Result is no responsibility/obligations. It must've been known beforehand that one is unreliable, and thus this needs to be taken into account for the decision to have kids.