ADHD memes

That shit scarred me, and I think was a major contributor to an anxious-preoccuppied attachment style as an adult. A lifetime of being put on a pedestal from the recognition I was bright and a novel thinker, and then the judgment when I inevitably goofed something up left me with a deep -rooted belief that the true me was unworthy and an inevitable fuck up. "Taniwha is an intelligent and capable person, if only he would stop being such a fuck around." I learned not to trust myself because inevitability I'd do something impulsive, or miss some social queue, or not stay with the program, which made me very Other-focused and wanting to do the "right thing" so I didn't let everyone down again.

Every single report card and evaluation I've ever received was full of back handed compliments pointing to a moral failing. "... if only he just completed his homework on time," "... needs to stay focused," "... too much time socialising with/distracting his neighbour."

"Lots of potential ... If only ..." Never enough.

Fuck you. That was the thing I was born to struggle with. How many stupid kids got sent home with report cards that said things like, "John's a hard worker and attentive student. He has a lot of potential, but he needs to work on not being stupid."

Parents: "Johnny. You NEED to stop being so stupid in class, and start being smarter or you're going to need Canada's most disciplined ditch digger."

To this day, an accomplished academic, a variable professional, and kind person I still freak out inside when someone gets excited about me. I keep falling into relationships with avoidants because trying to please someone who I've let down is just about all I know.