permathrowaway

This woman I know is friends with some of my friends. However, she is almost always passive aggressive and rude, though sometimes she’ll be polite or ask things about me to get to know me.

She asked me why I even want to talk to her and when I say anything, she says something like “Nice thinking skills”, “How did you figure that out, Sherlock?”, “Just fucking great!” “I hope you die and I never wanna see you again”.

When I’ve asked her, she says she’s fine though and nothing happened to make her this way.

Why does it have to be me? I try to be kind to others, I try to be there for them and friendly, and because of my autism, I get nothing but cruelty for it.

They’re very nice, kind, and accepting and believe in rights for everyone, but that’s only if the person isn’t autistic. They think you should be free to express your opinion and be like a normal person but only if you’re not autistic. You’re not even worthy of rights or kindness if you are. You’re like a small child or an animal. They treat you much, much, differently. They say they’ve always wanted to hurt you but all you are to them is autistic and they can’t hurt an autistic person without being “shunned”, so to speak.

My friend is autistic. A guy, much less awkward than I am, doesn’t have social anxiety. He’s treated with so much kindness even by those people.

Why does he get treated well and I don’t?? Is it because of my social anxiety?? Is it because I’m a woman with autism?

It seems even the “kindest” of people give me crap because of a trait that does not even define me as a person.

It says much more about them than it does me that they choose to treat me this way because of it.

I woke up very early, shaking because of what I talked about yesterday.

(i decided to post this on a throwaway)

I knew a lady. She was friends with my friends. she would talk to me sometimes and give mixed signals. She would be nice to me and then be a total dick.

She would say she liked me and wanted to be my friend but would be very rude and “curt” i guess is the word.

A few days ago, she invited me to her house. she pushed me onto her bed. She told me to take off my clothes.

She said she’d do it for me if i refused. I said no and she said my opinion didn’t matter because i had autism and was less than human.

She hit me and punched me multiple times. She tried to put her hands on my neck and i tried to push her off. She threw her body on me and tried to pin me down.

“Why do you care about me?” she asked. “There are so many people you could focus on, why me?? please be honest.”

I told her I cared about everyone and that i wanted friends, that i found people to be interesting. i told her if she wished, i’d never speak to her again.

She let go of me after a bit, and her mother called her to do something for her and i got all my stuff.

I left the damn house and RAN. She couldn’t do much because she was doing something for her mom so i could leave.

People call her a great lady. People say she loves me, that she’s amazing.

I can’t forgive her. She said i did nothing wrong and that i was just a “stupid little pup” for asking what possessed her to do that.

I truly hate her but my friend calls her a fantastic and even pretty woman. She told me if i ever told anyone, she would slit my throat.