PotentiallyApricots

I've noticed I have a problem with not noticing people's bad intentions until I'm well into an interaction or relationship, and not having good ways to respond when I do notice. Some of this may be brain, but I think much of it is habitual from things I was taught in my upbringing that don't work well in the world.

Has anyone successfully figured this one out? I've done a ton of work on myself and gotten a lot wiser, but I still keep falling into the same trap of giving my good faith time and words to people who are semiblatantly trying to take advantage of me, are asking questions in bad faith, or are just generally being kinda mean or creepy to me. Once I do notice, it's usually gotten to a point where it's a little costlier to exit the situation than I think it would be if I had noticed right away. It still happens even when I feel cynical or don't like/trust someone.

Any way to avoid this in the future? I guess I feel like I need a good reason to think "fuck this person." It's hard for me to react to it in the moment when it's not clear to me a)what they're doing and b)how to effectively shut it down or extricate myself.

I’m a person who was pretty badly harmed by the psych system and all that entails and I think I would feel better if I could read some wiser peoples’ words about it lol. Surely there must be some good political theory or academic writings about this that people have heard of?

I want to avoid things like memoirs, clicky articles, wellness content, etc. Looking for something more direct and zoomed out and theoretical. I feel like that has to exist?

Edit: I wrote this thinking about how much Johanna Hedva’s Sick Woman Theory or some feminist writings I read in college unfucked my head with regard to those topics.

Located in the us and seeking recommendations. All the brands I could think of are too expensive these days (i buy a lot of tea), but I can abide the aldi brand no longer.

Edit: I mean teabags for hot teas, things like English breakfast, earl grey, spiced chai, etc. In search of decent quality that isn’t watery or stale tasting, but nothing too special.

Got a silly adulting question: how in the heck do you get burned sticky grease off metal nonstick pans? In previous lives I don’t remember this ever being an issue for me. I guess I either had a dishwasher, had different cookware or just was cooking much less in general?

But every time I roast anything, the residue does not seem to fully come off the pan. I’ve googled this, I’ve tried baking soda, vinegar, soaked them in boiling water with dish soap, etc. What am I doing wrong? Do I just need to use foil forever? I can’t switch back to glass pans, with some health stuff they’re now too heavy to be practical.

Edit to say: thanks everyone!!

Aside from heat that I am fundamentally not built for, we had an actual tornado near me yesterday. Tornadoes are not completely unheard I guess, but they’re not common or something that we really plan for where I live. Humidity has also been wildly over the top, and pretty consistent instead of occasional. It feels almost tropical, or what I would imagine tropical weather to be. I’m from a traditionally cold-ish, temperate place. We have always gotten all kinds of weird weather but it feels a lot more consistently steamy and intense than it used to. What weird new weather things are happening where you live? How are you adapting to them? (How on earth do you cope when everything feels wet?)