Asklemmy

My dad once told me a sentence that stuck with me ever since:

Somehow everything always continues to be.

In German though, he said "irgendwie geht es immer weiter".

Meaning that even if your rent is due and you can't pay, you're not on the streets tomorrow. And if you land on the streets, you still find shelter and have a wife which can console you. And if you don't find shelter, you still continue to live. You will always live.

There is always a tomorrow and somehow you'll manage to reach it, unless you die at some point. That point is usually way, way farther out than you could imagine.

The stuff I lived through sometimes looked like I wouldn't survive, but I did. Homeless people survive every day.

Regarding happiness, it's hard for people who experienced long times of it to finally realise that they were lucky and there's just periods of happiness to be found. Sometimes those periods are just moments. Cherish them. The small things. Fresh air, sun, a cuddle, some discount allowing you to get something nice for your wife.

What else could I do to save money?

Engage less in your job and use the free time to search for better opportunities. Capitalism keeps its low wage workers occupied so they don't unionize or search for better jobs, it keeps them poor so they can be exploited with high interest loans. If you can find a way around that, exploit the people which are higher up than you. Always steal from the rich, because that's repossession.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression for almost 20 years now. Sometime durring that there are times where it would get bad, every little thing seemed like the end of the world, and I would need to just ride it out. Durring those times I have a rather morbid but effective saying I would say to myself. It's kind of a bastardization of the army EOD motto which is officially "Initial sucess or total failure". It makes sense because when someone is defusing a bomb and they fail then the bomb goes off and they die. But logic would dictate that if they're not dead then they haven't failed yet. So when my brain is being uncooperative about something I did I just think to myself "That didn't kill me so I didn't fail yet." It's just a way to remind myself that unless a decision I make or thing that happens actually kills me, I still have a chance to fix it.

As far as actual help with money and budgeting I can't be much help because Im in the same boat myself. There was a budgeting app I used a while back called "You Need A Budget" (I think the app is just named YNAB). It works really well for actually seeing exactly where all your money is going. The only problem I had with it is that it just assumes that you will actually make enough money to fully cover all of your expenses and as I'm sure you're aware that isn't always the case when you're broke.

As far as more immediate help I have personally been using a payday loan app called earnin to help buffer some expenses. It's nice because it doesn't directly charge any interest on the money you borrow. Instead it just asks for "tips" and you can just choose to tip $0 if money is really tight. It does guilt you a bit for doing that but it doesn't stop you. I normally tip $6 and it doesn't complain about that. You can borrow up to $100 per day up to your pay period limit which is based on how much you make and will go up based on you reliably making payments and if you tip at all (don't do the default tip, $6 is plenty to make it go up) If you want let me know and I can send you my link (I think we both get $25) but just posting it here makes me feel like a spam bot.

The “good” news - and your landlord might benefit from hearing this in advance - is that as I understand it, you’ll be paid salary for any shutdown period, after it’s resolved. Could be a meaningful amount of money depending on how long. Making sure the ll understands that could buy you some time, but depends on them.

I’ll assume you don’t qualify for any assistance programs given a gov salary and a second job plus your wife’s income. But…. Check anyway. Some states are rather more generous.

I THINK you might be eligible for unemployment during any shutdown, but generally there’s a waiting period of a week, it’s max 2/3 of income with a hard cap, and I cannot cite a source that says you do qualify. Worth diggging into, very state specific.

I’ve taken to gig work, so that the misc money I spend on myself doesn’t come off “rea” income. With a second job that might not be practical, but might be for your wife if you live in or near a relatively safe city. I ignore gigs in my hometown entirely, I make more in the nearest major city and they have “hourly” pay there so I make something worthwhile even without a tip (25% of orders don’t tip, roughly, from my experience).

As far as your mental health, which is the real focus here…. A couple things come to mind.

It’s short term hardship, you need to get through days or weeks - not a way of life. Understanding and actually internalizing that has helped me through some significant rough patches.

If at all possible, don’t short groceries or the miscellaneous money your wife spends on little stuff, including her. You don’t function well without decent food. Aldi is one possibility, can be cheaper for some things.

I’d expect family to be sympathetic to the potential shutdown, but I understand feeling like you shouldn’t ask for more. Guess what, though - they know the position you’re in already, and the potential shutdown is public knowledge as well. OTOH, that’s assuming they are decent humans and that they have the money in the first place. I don’t and can’t know if either are true.

Gotta be honest, selling stuff is a) getting ripped off, b) depressing af, and c) you’ll have to spend money to replace it down the road. It’s to be avoided if at all possible, for all of those reasons.

You’ve already rented a room, that’s more than I’d be able to do - I WFH so the spare room is my office, and the only place I can maintain some confidentiality of data, which is a base expectation of the field.

Don’t know how far behind you are on utilities, but most states make it fairly easy to find just how far you can push “past due”, and what arrangements can be made.

Some states require reasonable payment arrangements to split the bill across future months, some don’t. Worth exploring. You want to keep the lights on, at nearly any cost, because usually they’ll expect entire past due amount plus deposit to reconnect. Same for gas/water, as applicable.

Comcast has offered 10 day extensions to me,for internet only. Have to chat and ask for it, though that may vary by state as well

Also…. Remember there’s no guarantee a shutdown will occur, or last a long time. As we saw, last minute action is very possible. Also, if I remember the timeline correctly, we passed a 45 day CR and there are still 30 ish days left before that happens.

Food pantries if needed - no one there is judging, they wouldn’t volunteer if they did. You almost certainly will walk out with way more stuff than you expected. You’ll need to fill in holes, but that’s a short term way to reduce your grocery bill by a meaningful amount, since most staples are there.

Take care of yourself, it matters. The mental health side of this creates a slippery slope that’s easy to descend into and hard to get out of. Even if that just means sometimes buying a thing you particularly like as a reward for getting through the week. Compare the cost of me making a crab cake once a month, with the cost of additional therapy because I tried to live with zero extras. Silly example, but total self-denial is positively brutal to your brain, and tends to turn desire into cravings.

Wish I had more advice, but I hope something in there helps. You probably took a gov job at least partially because it (generally) offers stability, I’m sorry that our leg branch can’t seem to maintain that.

One more thing - unless you’re likely to get a giant pay bump, now is probably not the time to look for a new job. That takes time to spin up and find the right one, and the long term hit to eg any pension is significant. It also doesn’t solve immediate issues, since generally checks are delayed a pay cycle or so for processing.

Again, I’m sorry this is happening to you, and I wish I could do more for you and your colleagues. You have no dog in this fight, and neither your nor the military’s paychecks should be impacted.