Ask Lemmy

Time

I don't even really remember I think, I don't even really feel like I've "dealt" with it. I'll tell some of my experience but I won't go into too much detail.

For us, we were even talking about marriage, but I did something wrong and I felt helpless after the break up, I couldn't do anything, other problems arouse and I even started planning suicide.

I tried talking to other people, some related to the situation and some not, to get perspective on stuff, I even got a new job, but depression hit me hard once I started, so I quit soon after to get that under control which was fine, my financial situation was good enough to do this at the time.

Eventually I just started thinking about what I wanted in a relationship and somehow I stopped blaming myself, but now I have a anger I don't know how to deal with towards her and her family, we see each other once a week during our martial arts class, and it keeps it kinda fresh on my mind but I love the class so I decided it's worth it.

I'm talking to someone else, not really as a potential romantic partner but someone who I can be good friends with and if it goes that way then it's a plus. I didn't have the biggest friend group before and it got even smaller after the break up, so I'm trying to branch out.

I guess that's how I dealt with it, focused on a hobby, and making new friends, making sure I got to talk it out with various people to make sure I didn't get into an echo chamber (which my brain and family would be a major one)

Dive into a hobby or passion, or find one. Fitness is a great alternative because it helps rebuild your own self-confidence while giving you an outlet to vent some of your feelings. Try to do something more socially that may transition into making new connections slowly.

Edit: Music is also fantastic for this. Dive into playing an instrument.

Tryna deal with it right now, going back to the bar where I met my ex

Will update in like 2 hrs

Edit: litterally forgot. Didn't see him, it was lame anyways

Treating it like being sick (like a cold) helps me. That way I justify taking it slow. It's something that will pass and it's totally normal to feel really bad. It will probably be better soon but I need a lot of rest/self-care.

Not gonna sugarcoat it – this will suck for a long time. For me it was friends, hookups and time that helped.

Friends let me forget for the time we hung out but also listened and just hugged me when I cried.

Hookups (and I realise this sounds vapid as shit) made me feel like I am still wanted and attractive.

Time made the thought of them sting less.

This will smost likely stick with you, but it's going to be okay. It's not going to hurt this badly forever. You will think of it less and less frequently. But you will have that scar. And that's okay, I think.