this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2024
249 points (79.0% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[โ€“] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 158 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What a horrible day to be literate.

[โ€“] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What a horrible time to be hungry. ๐Ÿคฎ

[โ€“] festnt@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

so, staying in the subject of horribleness, have you ever realised the throwing up emoji looks like someone sucking shrek's cock?

im so soory

[โ€“] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Might be time for you to put the Internet away and go outside for an afternoon. ๐Ÿคฃ

[โ€“] festnt@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

yeah please give me the keys to the door, i've been here too long

[โ€“] IDew@lemm.ee 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So recently I stumbled across a post saying that the vomiting emoji (๐Ÿคฎ) looks like it was giving head to Shrek. I had to start furiously jerking off while looking at vomiting emoji on Google images due to my overwhelming ogre fetish. The way the emoji is sucking Shrek's massive cock makes me horny as fuck. I continued beating my meat to this one image for twelve minutes straight until I finally came, then I realized what I had masturbated to.

I literally cannot unsee it so every time I saw the vomiting emoji I was forced to think about Shrek blowjob. One time while I was at work, but then I saw a ๐Ÿคฎ emoji, I instantly started jerking off because of how hot this image really is. People were shocked at first but when I told them it's ogre blowjob they all started masturbating together. Eventually I got fired for causing all this mess.

This could all be prevented if the vomiting emoji didn't look like someone giving head to Shrek. Please make it look less erotic so this doesn't happen again.

[โ€“] Sabata11792@ani.social 3 points 1 month ago

I can't unsee the Shreked emoji.

[โ€“] mwproductions@lemmy.world 94 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If he eats himself completely, this will eventually resolve itself.

[โ€“] magnetosphere@fedia.io 53 points 1 month ago

Iโ€™ve seen a lot of gross shit from Anon over the years, but this is among the worst.

[โ€“] olutukko@lemmy.world 42 points 1 month ago

I hate thid. I hat you OP. I fucking hate you. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't need to hear this. I was doing just fine. now I feel bad. fuck you.

and goodbye

[โ€“] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 month ago

Dermatophagia - โ€œone type of body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB)โ€

[โ€“] paysrenttobirds@sh.itjust.works 33 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sometime needs to be watching him all the time. This is why they invented God.

[โ€“] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 1 month ago

Forgive me father, for I have munched.

[โ€“] oce@jlai.lu 31 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[โ€“] yyyesss@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i understood that reference

[โ€“] bitfucker@programming.dev 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

...not sure if my curiosity is worth the terrible day that I'll have after knowing what may come.next

[โ€“] yyyesss@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

you'll feel better if you don't

[โ€“] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 28 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 21 points 1 month ago

Doing weirdly disgusting things spur of the moment is one thing. But deliberately waiting to do it, having given yourself a bit to realize how gross it is? That's not right.

[โ€“] aggelalex@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago

write about it on 4chan

[โ€“] normalexit@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

Bro, gross. Go to the bathroom and eat it there like a normal person.

[โ€“] Creosm@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Bet he was itching for the moment to eat it too

I hoped someone would get that.

[โ€“] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

My brother once got a huge scab on his knee and the top of it opened up and formed a pocket, so we put a penny in it lol

[โ€“] Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] csolisr@hub.azkware.net 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

@Early_To_Risa People will feel queasy eating their own scabs but will mindlessly devour an entire string of morcilla, SMH my head

[โ€“] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 month ago

Instead of making it into a sausage, they should pour the blood onto a sheet pan and dehydrate it so they can eat the scabs like jerky. ๐Ÿ˜‹

[โ€“] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

Well, how was it? Was it worth the wait?

[โ€“] nikaaa@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] thawed_caveman@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

As a kid i used to have a scab eating compulsion, but it was like instant. If any amount of time passed at all it was immediately gross and i would immediately flick it away.

[โ€“] nikaaa@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

What is it with the urge to eat these things, I wonder...