this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.

My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.

I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.

I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.

We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.

My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say "Sure."

My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.

My brother isn't the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can't be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.

My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.

I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don't know for sure if they will, since we're not close emotionally. I also don't know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn't have much trouble crossing state lines.

I don't know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.

Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won't miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.

The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.

I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.

Any advice would be helpful. I don't want to wait, but I also can't do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, so any input is appreciated.

Thank you.

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[–] Beardsley@lemmy.world 38 points 1 week ago

Man, I am so sorry this is your situation. I won't pretend to really know what advice to give you, other than you should contact adult protective services and see if they can do anything since you are a vulnerable person (aka disabled).

Again, I don't know shit from fuck, but that's where I would start. Idk if the cops would take the threat seriously or not, but you might be able to file a restraining order.

[–] auzy@lemmy.world 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You need to come here to Australia mate.

Honestly, I feel like there are going to be a lot of refugees from the US if Trump wins

[–] nondescripthandle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Have you seen Australias immigration policy? If hes got a disability, hes probably already denied. And how many of Americas allies do you think are going to start accepting refugees from the US? They wouldn't risk the optics of it.

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[–] gregor@gregtech.eu 32 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Nothing to contribute to the conversation here, but fuck, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Please do let us know if you get out of this alive.

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 31 points 1 week ago (6 children)

First thing is to ensure your safety.

Once you have that taken care of - what do you know about your brother's out-of-state trip? He sounds like the kind of person who will ignore the local gun laws of wherever he is going if they're stricter than where you live. If he's going to a fascist meet-up, a tip that he may be illegally armed may give law enforcement a reason to start searching the Nazis for weapons.

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[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

If you have an extended family member who is sympathetic, that is the best. Otherwise, look for somebody who is sympathetic and older with a spare room or something, if there's some task you can help them with, even better. Older people are likely to be more stable and better understand their own limitations.

If you have an ID you should be able to get a copy of birth cert and social security by applying for them, if your family messes with them they can get fraud charges. You'll need to file a change of address for disability etc. Try to work things out as possible.

The other thing you should do is see if some anarchist is willing to put an airtag or similar on your brother's truck to monitor him. This will mean if your brother does end up doing his murder spree he can easily be tied to the murder at the least.

[–] Andromxda@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 1 week ago (3 children)

First, obviously ensure that you stay safe.

But if possible, gather as much evidence as you can. Make voice or video recordings, write down things you here, take photos of things that might be important, whatever. As soon as you're in safety, send all the evidence of your father/brother making death threats and planning violent riots to the police/FBI.

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[–] NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don't know for sure if they will, since we're not close emotionally.

Make it easier for them: Ask only if you can stay for a little while. Don't tell the whole story upfront.

Once you are actually there, you can look for other options. Or maybe you become closer.

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 27 points 1 week ago (8 children)

You don't need your birth certificate or social security card. They are easy to replace. A birth certificate is a public record: you can order it from whatever government agency handles vital records in the county of your birth.

Social security card is marginally more difficult, but if you know the number, it is surprisingly easy. Just go down to the nearest social security office with your story, and they'll get it sent to you.

You can only do it like 6 times in your life, but you rarely need the card itself anymore.

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[–] Curious_Canid@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 week ago (5 children)

If you can get relatives to help, do that. If not, contact a local women's shelter or other abuse-related non-profit. They may or may not be able to help directly, but they will most likely know what other resources are available.

I wish you the best.

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[–] Skydancer@pawb.social 26 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)

This is a long reply. I'll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don't like that.

It sounds like you already have your answers on what to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:

  1. You believe you are at real risk, so you need to get out.
  2. You can't safely access your primary ID documents, so don't (or if possible before leaving town, go the APS rout suggested by another commenter). Take any secondary ID you have with you and replace primary ID later.
  3. This is the one you seem least sure about, but you've identified your best safe destination, at least to start. Go to your Democratic relatives, and plan next steps from there. I'll add to this and other "what" questions in a reply

There are two other ways to understand what you're asking for in this post.

The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.You have it.

Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.

The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn't been addressed.

I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight.

This suggests you don't drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren't good options for you. Since you've presumably lived with your disability for some time, I'm going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that's wrong.

You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?

Driving

  1. Convincing a liberal friend to drive you to a red state within a week of the election is a tough ask - even if they are willing and have the time, they may not feel safe doing so. If they do, they're also more likely to downplay the risk from your brother. Most people who can do this are not working: retired, unemployed, or stay-at-home parents.

Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.

  1. There are also websites and apps for pairing strangers with and without cars going in the same direction. Usually the person with the car will want gas money from the one without. This is a riskier option for you. It may also take longer and require you to make temporary arrangements to stay somewhere locally, and even then not work out.

First, don't use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a "road trip carpooling" tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.

With your disability, you're more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don't tell them why you left. You're going to visit family you haven't seen in a while. Talk about things you've done with them in the past, and what you're looking forward to doing with them now. Don't mention things that convey their (or your) politics.

If you're paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that's what it takes. You're vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don't want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.

AirYou will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.

Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don't know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn't be necessary.

After TSA, they'll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won't). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don't have to answer to them.

When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it's time for you to exit the plane.

When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.

BusGreyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.

Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won't run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.

There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they're full they're more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won't be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.

> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.

Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you're going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there's room left, pack underwear since that can't be gotten used.

If leaving with anything would be unusual, don't. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.

[–] plzExplainNdetail@slrpnk.net 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Great breakdown! I'd like to add train to the options. OP might be able to utilize an Amtrak train for a portion of the trip depending on the travel destination. Here's a map of their routes. Tickets can be purchased online, they offer assistance for disabilities, and they have places to lie down or eat food.

If you decide to fly OP, consider getting a pack of gum to chew on to help with pressure/popping in your ears during altitude changes of takeoff and landing.

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[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

do you have a driver's license?

you can get a running camper or even a large van in a pinch for less than a few thousand.

it's not the most comfortable thing in the world for everybody, but if you get an RV, you have a tiny independent apartment on wheels free and clear.

you have no more rent after the initial purchase, and obviously it's private so you have as much time as you need to to figure out what you're going to do next.

That's the quickest way to get your own private space and I can walk you through it(browse, visit, buy, register) and look at vehicle listings near you.

I can walk you through exactly how hygiene and all the everydays work in the vehicle you get, likely expenses and all of that per month, it's all doable and not a huge adjustment from living in a regular apartment.

birth certificate in almost every state can be replaced in 1-2 weeks for about 40 bucks or expressed in a couple days for 80 bucks, and with your birth certificate and a couple other documents like tax forms or some other identifier, you'll be able to get your SSN card replaced as well.

If you have any other specific practical questions, please send them over here. I've replaced many documents before, I've lived in an RV, I've been traveling for a decade, and I'm thriving on the other side.

I have life experience I'm happy to share and you can take from it what you find useful.

[–] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I don't have a driver's license, I just have a state ID card. So I'll probably need someone else to help me with any vehicle stuff. Thanks for the reply.

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[–] card797@champserver.net 23 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Call the police if your life and others are threaten. Seriously.

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[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Idk about the US but here in europe you can call social services and if you are serious they will send someone out to get you and at least temporarily you can stay at the relatives who dont want to harm you.

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[–] pugsnroses77@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 week ago (2 children)

i wouldnt hesitate to reach out to family down south as they may be most able to legally help you. i would not call the cops, they are useless. hunt for shelter and other hotlines, ideally chats if the walls are thin!

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[–] Sweetpeaches69@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago

I think the best advice has been given by others.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Feel free to DM me if you need to vent, or if I can do anything to help.

[–] monsterpiece42@reddthat.com 18 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Leave now. Fuck your stuff.

  1. get a cab

  2. get a Greyhound to an area with a better outlook.

  3. look for roommates in your destination city on the ride

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[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 16 points 1 week ago

Absolutely agree with you, but one thing to note is the existence of what's called representative payees. OP would have likely had to sign a form for it at 21, unless they were verifiably incapacitated at the time, but a rep payee is, for an intents and purposes, the beneficiary as far as the social security department is concerned.

Which is NOT to say don't leave. It just means that OP needs to contact social security the instant they are clear of danger or being overheard.

The moment you're safe, contact the SSD and ask them to verify your status as the primary on your account. If your mother (or someone else) is not the rep payee, then you're clear. If they are, you need to ask for the paperwork to transfer your benefits back to yourself, which may involve having to go through a judge. That said, keep a record of any communications between yourself and whoever the rep payee is. Ohio is a one party consent state, meaning you are legally allowed to record your phone calls as long as one party is aware and consents, namely yourself. Text based communication is easier, though.

If you are able to contact anyone (guessing you can since you're posting this) I would suggest contacting progressive organizations in your area. Women's shelters, even if you're male, may be able to help you, or direct you to someone who can help. Gay organizations often have some resources in place for teens who have disowned. The DSA, the episcopal church, the metropolitan community Church, the United Church of Christ, any Sikh, Buddhist, and often Hindu community centers are also notorious for being home to progressive members. Sadly, they likely don't have anything in place for such a rescue mission already, but they may well be a member willing to assist.

Best option is if there's an anarchist mutual aid org near you, but that's unlikely.

I wish you all the luck and success in there.

This also ended up longer than I anticipated going in, so posting it as a full comment in and of itself, too.

[–] TheObviousSolution@lemm.ee 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Even if there is no attempt to kill you, the physical abuse and attempts to force you into vulnerable and risky situations will, and you are already vulnerable. Maybe you can contact some form of social service or disability services and report the circumstances. Some guides suggest contacting the police, but it wouldn't be my first option - maybe try to contact probono lawyers who could help you like this https://www.ohiojusticefoundation.org/tom-and-gerry-cincinnati-attorneys-contribute-hundreds-of-hours-of-pro-bono-service/ in case things get serious. Leave a trail that indicates that the threat has been made. You can also try to get in contact with organizations like Ohio Democrats, but do so quietly. I'd try to lay low if I were you until you can move out, maybe even just throw them a bone by trying to virtue signal their cult thinking until you can get away safely. Definitely clear or hide your browsing and account history so they can't trace it back to posts like this, and maybe just leave a less threatening persona account that if they do find they would have less of an issue with.

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago

With conditions that severe, do you have access to a medical transport service or an understanding friend? One way or another, have them get you to a bus depot, buy a ticket to the nearest sane state and tap their social services to help you get established with basic care - Ohio is likely beyond broken intentionally, and it might not feel like it, but you will find social systems that function (not perfectly, but function for those truly in need) in other states.

If you're in active danger, focus on moving (or being moved) away, as fast and far as you can afford.

[–] ultranaut@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

As others have said, you really should contact the police and let them know your brother is planning to murder people.

[–] plzExplainNdetail@slrpnk.net 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Maybe the FBI would be a better contact in this case? I may be wrong, but to me the brothers explicit words of intention and access to guns seems very much like a threat of premeditated domestic terrorism. If that's indeed the case, here's the FBI's page with contact options near the bottom.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal/live with this OP. You deserve much better. This internet stranger is proud of you for doing all that's within your power in such a shitty situation!

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[–] Chozo@fedia.io 14 points 1 week ago

"Family" and "relation" aren't mutually exclusive; call the cops on your brother. You can't un-radicalize him, but you can at least keep him away from you.

[–] hector@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 week ago

Please update us!

[–] WhyFlip@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

How did they find out who you voted for?

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