this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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[–] punkwalrus@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I married my first wife when she was 18 and I was 20. We went through a lot of hardship. It should not have worked out: we were both poor, from broken homes, in an LDR from different worlds. She was the popular girl, I was a shy and awkward nerd. When we got married, we had only been in one another's presence for a few weeks total. I went into the marriage not expecting a path or plan, as my parents were toxic which ended with my mother's suicide, and my mother in law had been married 4 times before she became single for the last time. None of us had healthy marriages to draw from. At our wedding, her relatives even said, "I give it two years, tops." We were desperately poor, and struggled most of our marriage with health and money issues.

But we made it work for 25 years. We'd still be married, but she passed away ten years ago. We became "foxhole buddies," us against the world.

[–] Zacryon@feddit.de 0 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Putting arbitrary numbers on people to measure their matureness is weird to me.

There are 15 year old people who are wiser and more mature than a lot with 50.

You can't know without knowing the person.

[–] threeduck@aussie.zone 0 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Well it's not arbitrary is it. Any quantitative measure of maturity is definitely correlated with age.

Your "very mature" 15 year old is either an outlier, or an indictment on your ability to ascertain maturity.

[–] Zacryon@feddit.de 0 points 7 months ago

Any quantitative measure of maturity is definitely correlated with age.

Is it? Do you have numbers on that?

[–] The_Lopen@sh.itjust.works 0 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The numbers are not arbitrary. They are used to measure how long a person has been alive, which is kind of statistically significant, and yes, largely correlates with maturity. I'm not 26 mature points, I'm 26 years old.

[–] Zacryon@feddit.de 0 points 7 months ago

and yes, largely correlates with maturity

That's where we disagree. You say that as if it were a proven fact. If you got studies on that, please report.

My point is, that at least from my experience there is a lot more to maturity than mere age. And you can't really know if you just superficially look at someone and their age.

[–] dlrht@lemm.ee 0 points 7 months ago (1 children)

At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life? You will never have an answer to that in any capacity, and not just in marriage. You evolve as a person, you'll never have a fixed desire for your whole life. And that's the great thing about marriage and relationships, they also evolve. And it's about who you want to try doing that with

[–] agressivelyPassive@feddit.de 0 points 7 months ago

That might as well be an argument for child marriage.

[–] EyIchFragDochNur@feddit.de 0 points 7 months ago

Lol for me all people who marry are weird why draw the line at a certain age