Baby, I feel like I been cat-grooming a fuckin Snatchsquatch. I got hot towels, a basin of hot water, clippers and a razor. Spread em. I'm killing that fuckin thing.
this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
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Rent a tuxedo and a limousine; tell her you're taking her out for a nice night, and do so - dinner at a nice restaurant with drinks and all that. Candles and shit. Before dessert comes, get down on one knee. Look her in the eyes and tell her how much she means to you - how you'll always love and cherish her. Reach into your pocket, and pull out a Venus. Maintain eye contact. Then pop the question.
Just grow out a nice thick beard and go down on her until she turns the tables on you.
This is my glorious beard, at least 3 weeks old (i don't quite remember)
Is it thick enough?
Buy her a spa day or coupon with a massage or something nice that she likes and include the hair removal option as extra.
Once done make sure you let her know how much you liked the shaved areas. Hopefully she will catch on and continue doing it herself. Otherwise repeat the process. There are even some places where you can buy monthly subscriptions she can go to.
Avoid confronting her on this. Not worth it and you could hurt her feelings. Of course it depends on your relationship with her. If both of you feel comfortable talking and discussing such topics then go ahead.
No, better not try to communicate with your partner at all. Vague, coded messages at an absolute maximum.
Buy her a small doll brush for her hairy bodyparts. Set up a daily brushing ritual by annoucing it by ringing a bell for maximum conditioning. Buy small pearls and ornaments, that you weave into the longest of her hairs on her legs and arms. Call her your Afghan Hound. Bark when you cone home. Whenever you watch TV and a Shaving ad runs, visibly, without looking at her, slowly increase the volume and decrease it as slowly when the ad is over. Be obvious. Never talk about it. Have always a big bowl of Kiwis at the dinnertable, that you all shave in her present and be very vocal about how it is very important for you. Put hair in every second dish and make it a constant topic of discussions. Do so at every restaurant visit too. Collect every clog of hair from every drain at home and store it visibly in big masonjars on shelves above the doorframes and label them (with an electronic labelmachine) all with her name. Pay for her and your therapy two years later.
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Start referring to her as your sexy Gorilla
This will probably end in disaster
DICKS OUT FOR HARAMBE!